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Just spoke with PO
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<blockquote data-quote="Ropefree" data-source="post: 239535" data-attributes="member: 6271"><p>klmno: You are doing a dynamite job advocating for your sons needs. what I feel makes some of the conversations I have with the people I have to contact who are not acquainted with my son or his actual needs from others is to slow down and use reflective listening. I assume an attitude that whoever I am speaking to is for the best interests of my child and when they send out an option I then restate the idea to confirm that I am listening and hearing what they say. Also i interject affirmative responces to what they are saying to me.</p><p>Consiquences are useful. As is a behavior plan and contracts. For example making a contract with my child as per the intensive home therapy was the turning point for my son who eventually changed his approach to the relationship. However it was not by signing the contract he came to change his behavior. It was the direct consequences of breaking the contract which followed him breaking the contract and then breaking it again. THEN he was grounded. THEN he lost all his priviledges.</p><p>THEN he had to stay at home even if I was not here myself or he did know he would be going to detention. And when he finally wanted to restore his priveldges and doing so was all he was concerned about...THEN the other stipulations in the contract:his behavior, his grades, his chores, his attitude getting up and going to bed on time EVERYDAY without asking me about the privileges (not my problem. you didn't earn them..no doing chores ONE time is not the habit I require, doing homework ONE time without my remindiing is not the habit I require, I want the habits.)</p><p>I understand when you are saying what is true: your son needs to be properly medically treated for his disorder.</p><p>Also I do understand that HIS HABITS are learned behavior. </p><p>Bipolar people do learn and mostly what they are the best at is learning to control their environment and the people in it to cluster around them and serve their needs for them It is one of the depressive illnesses hallmarks which is letting others do for them what they CAN DO for themselves.</p><p>As a family member who has struggled through the morase that a bi-polar disease does bring with it in family dysfuntions and dynamic I do understand personaly how very overwhelming it is as a single parent to do for a child with their own set of problems and issues in the context of an exstended family who is no help, no help whatsoever. And the other well meaning people who do not "get" it and that finite resources and time (and in my case, physical limitations as well) are what I bring to the picnic no matter what the dire situation at hand maybe this time.</p><p>The po in this county where i live are so utterly inadiquate to even uphold the laws that they are there to do, and they do know that. It is unbeliebable how much that needs doing is not being done now and hopefully this will improve and change over time.</p><p>you take great care to keep the records, letters, ect. One tactic I use to move the </p><p>people who are trying to do their part is to accurately list what I have done to meet some goal or reuirement and then ask "Do you have any suggestions where to try next or who to take this matter to for their ideas?" if they do not know an answer then ask "Any idea who might know who would know?"</p><p>Another question that has provided me far more help from a person is to ask "What would you do if you were in my shoes? or/and have you dealt with any situations that this reminds you of? "</p><p>I am under the impression you have a clear idea what you believe is the answer for your sons treatments needed....and that what is blocking that is the po / judicial</p><p>demands yet is there a way that you can turn this into a situation that does serve the ends you are striving to achieve?</p><p>CAn your son be required to stay in his room at night when you are asleep or after a certain time and have it so an alarm goes off is he does not so that he is not posing a threat or out and awake and not resting at night?</p><p>I clearly do not have any answers for you yet I want you to succeed in your mission and not fall apart from all the tensions you are under, klmno. </p><p>I definately want an invite to your party when you announce that this episode is gone to the all good. I am cheering you forward now, and I want to cheer when you find yourself on the other side in the rarified air that I BELIEVE you will find yourself breathing in ease one fine day.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ropefree, post: 239535, member: 6271"] klmno: You are doing a dynamite job advocating for your sons needs. what I feel makes some of the conversations I have with the people I have to contact who are not acquainted with my son or his actual needs from others is to slow down and use reflective listening. I assume an attitude that whoever I am speaking to is for the best interests of my child and when they send out an option I then restate the idea to confirm that I am listening and hearing what they say. Also i interject affirmative responces to what they are saying to me. Consiquences are useful. As is a behavior plan and contracts. For example making a contract with my child as per the intensive home therapy was the turning point for my son who eventually changed his approach to the relationship. However it was not by signing the contract he came to change his behavior. It was the direct consequences of breaking the contract which followed him breaking the contract and then breaking it again. THEN he was grounded. THEN he lost all his priviledges. THEN he had to stay at home even if I was not here myself or he did know he would be going to detention. And when he finally wanted to restore his priveldges and doing so was all he was concerned about...THEN the other stipulations in the contract:his behavior, his grades, his chores, his attitude getting up and going to bed on time EVERYDAY without asking me about the privileges (not my problem. you didn't earn them..no doing chores ONE time is not the habit I require, doing homework ONE time without my remindiing is not the habit I require, I want the habits.) I understand when you are saying what is true: your son needs to be properly medically treated for his disorder. Also I do understand that HIS HABITS are learned behavior. Bipolar people do learn and mostly what they are the best at is learning to control their environment and the people in it to cluster around them and serve their needs for them It is one of the depressive illnesses hallmarks which is letting others do for them what they CAN DO for themselves. As a family member who has struggled through the morase that a bi-polar disease does bring with it in family dysfuntions and dynamic I do understand personaly how very overwhelming it is as a single parent to do for a child with their own set of problems and issues in the context of an exstended family who is no help, no help whatsoever. And the other well meaning people who do not "get" it and that finite resources and time (and in my case, physical limitations as well) are what I bring to the picnic no matter what the dire situation at hand maybe this time. The po in this county where i live are so utterly inadiquate to even uphold the laws that they are there to do, and they do know that. It is unbeliebable how much that needs doing is not being done now and hopefully this will improve and change over time. you take great care to keep the records, letters, ect. One tactic I use to move the people who are trying to do their part is to accurately list what I have done to meet some goal or reuirement and then ask "Do you have any suggestions where to try next or who to take this matter to for their ideas?" if they do not know an answer then ask "Any idea who might know who would know?" Another question that has provided me far more help from a person is to ask "What would you do if you were in my shoes? or/and have you dealt with any situations that this reminds you of? " I am under the impression you have a clear idea what you believe is the answer for your sons treatments needed....and that what is blocking that is the po / judicial demands yet is there a way that you can turn this into a situation that does serve the ends you are striving to achieve? CAn your son be required to stay in his room at night when you are asleep or after a certain time and have it so an alarm goes off is he does not so that he is not posing a threat or out and awake and not resting at night? I clearly do not have any answers for you yet I want you to succeed in your mission and not fall apart from all the tensions you are under, klmno. I definately want an invite to your party when you announce that this episode is gone to the all good. I am cheering you forward now, and I want to cheer when you find yourself on the other side in the rarified air that I BELIEVE you will find yourself breathing in ease one fine day. [/QUOTE]
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