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Just spoke with PO
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 239662" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>This is probably a dumb question, but is there any way to try behaviour modification that won't make him feel like a behaviour problem? I mean, if he doesn't know what it's called...</p><p></p><p>What I'm usggesting is that at least as far as you're concerned (not difficult child), YOU try and find any possible way that difficult child COULD do the behaviour mod, but only so long as it doesn't let difficult child realise it's behaviour mod that he's doing. </p><p></p><p>But getting it in writing, and at least appearing to walk some way down that path where the PO wants you to go, at least you won't be looking so much like oppositional on principle (to the PO and therefore to the court).</p><p>IN other words, I hear you about the behaviour mod course, but if you apear to give a little, they may be more inclined to give a little your way too. At the moment it's not working - it's irresistible force meeting ythe immovable object.</p><p></p><p>It's like you're saying to the PO, "OK, I will accept the behaviour mod course, but only as long as difficult child can be kept in the dark about what it is, because we have it on record that when he feels his behaviour is the problem bewing worked on, it makes him a great deal worse. So find a way that will work and we'll be there."</p><p></p><p>Or words to that effect. Again, it's being cooperative in principle, but making it clear that difficult child's special needs have to be taken into account, even in this.</p><p></p><p>But if the court is going to insist, having difficult child get much worse could be preferable to having him taken off you and put into foster care (which I think you said you were afraid of them doing?) - where they will do the behaviour mod anyway, but without you to buffer him.</p><p></p><p>YOU sometimes need to do what you know is wrong, to prevent an even greater wrong.</p><p></p><p>It's blasted stupid, but that is where we sometimes are forced to go by idiotic bureaucracy.</p><p></p><p>The first step though - get the PO's words in writing, so SHE knows you have something in writing that she has to own. In doing so she may well modify her expectations and be more malleable.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 239662, member: 1991"] This is probably a dumb question, but is there any way to try behaviour modification that won't make him feel like a behaviour problem? I mean, if he doesn't know what it's called... What I'm usggesting is that at least as far as you're concerned (not difficult child), YOU try and find any possible way that difficult child COULD do the behaviour mod, but only so long as it doesn't let difficult child realise it's behaviour mod that he's doing. But getting it in writing, and at least appearing to walk some way down that path where the PO wants you to go, at least you won't be looking so much like oppositional on principle (to the PO and therefore to the court). IN other words, I hear you about the behaviour mod course, but if you apear to give a little, they may be more inclined to give a little your way too. At the moment it's not working - it's irresistible force meeting ythe immovable object. It's like you're saying to the PO, "OK, I will accept the behaviour mod course, but only as long as difficult child can be kept in the dark about what it is, because we have it on record that when he feels his behaviour is the problem bewing worked on, it makes him a great deal worse. So find a way that will work and we'll be there." Or words to that effect. Again, it's being cooperative in principle, but making it clear that difficult child's special needs have to be taken into account, even in this. But if the court is going to insist, having difficult child get much worse could be preferable to having him taken off you and put into foster care (which I think you said you were afraid of them doing?) - where they will do the behaviour mod anyway, but without you to buffer him. YOU sometimes need to do what you know is wrong, to prevent an even greater wrong. It's blasted stupid, but that is where we sometimes are forced to go by idiotic bureaucracy. The first step though - get the PO's words in writing, so SHE knows you have something in writing that she has to own. In doing so she may well modify her expectations and be more malleable. Marg [/QUOTE]
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