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Just when I think I've got this the bottom falls out!
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 683008" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Some d c are difficult because their personalities are altered due to drug addiction. Some were easygoing kids who got a bug up their butticks because for various reason, they cant launch or wont or want us to keep paying for them as if they were stil'll children. In both cases, once nice kids can be abusive. Mean even. But once they stop using drugs, if they do, or get over the launching fear, if they do, the abuse stops and you get some version of your child back.</p><p></p><p>A personality disorder is different and its different from other mental illnesses too. Usually medications and therapy, if the adult will even go doesnt help unless the person acknowledges that THEY have to change, not everyone else around them. This is rare, but some borderlines see how they chase everyone away and make poor choices and are emotionally all over the place and some ask for serious help. It is a long hard road with dialectal behavioral therapy leading the success train. But a person has to want to change to be allowed in and informed mental health experts (those who understsnd the traits unique to borderline) set healthy boundaries with.their patients, such as "I wont take phone calls between sessions" and the patients learn that they mean it and wont make exceptions.</p><p></p><p>Most personality dusordered adults had the traits from early on. So they merely escalate as they get older. Some do melliw in middle age. Nobody kniws why. Many are borderline to the last breath. Experiences in life and hurting others doesnt change them. They lack empathy. But our behavior toward them can at least show them that it is pointless to use US as a verbal or physical punching bag or an ATM. Less is more with borderlines. You tell your answer once. When the abuse starts you leave the conversation. This is good for all abuse toward us, but there is no other way to stop the constant verbal abuse from a borderline than to refuse to accept it. If you accept it, they will oblidge.</p><p></p><p>Most borderlines are undiagnosed because they wont admit that the problems are theirs, not everyone elses. There is a forum for parents of borderlines on a site called borgerline central. You can read a lot about borderline, and how others handle it, there.</p><p></p><p>In the meantime, remember im not a dictor. Just did my homework on all personality disorders. Most regular therapist miss the diagnosis because the borderline lies to them about what is going on. So the therapist has nothing honest to go by. Often they use therapists as biotch boards about people who wont bend to their wills.</p><p></p><p>Borderlines can seem to be nicer for a while, but always eventually implode...and if you dont do what they demand, then it is all your fault. They are hard to deal with, which is why its helpful to learn the best way to do it. Many go low or no contact with them, but I dont see you doing that right now. If she is in your life, it would best help for you to learn strategy to handle her.</p><p></p><p>Borderline is 75 per cent females.</p><p></p><p>I am in my 60s too. It is very unhealthy for us to deal with this kind of stress and abuse at our age.We earned a quiet retirement. Enough is enough. Jmo</p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry. Hope you start taking care of YOU now. Sadly, you cant and won't change your daughter and even sadder, she has all the legal power over her child unless you can prove she and boyfriend physically abuse him. It is not your fault. Your hands are tied.</p><p></p><p>Happy day, I hope.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 683008, member: 1550"] Some d c are difficult because their personalities are altered due to drug addiction. Some were easygoing kids who got a bug up their butticks because for various reason, they cant launch or wont or want us to keep paying for them as if they were stil'll children. In both cases, once nice kids can be abusive. Mean even. But once they stop using drugs, if they do, or get over the launching fear, if they do, the abuse stops and you get some version of your child back. A personality disorder is different and its different from other mental illnesses too. Usually medications and therapy, if the adult will even go doesnt help unless the person acknowledges that THEY have to change, not everyone else around them. This is rare, but some borderlines see how they chase everyone away and make poor choices and are emotionally all over the place and some ask for serious help. It is a long hard road with dialectal behavioral therapy leading the success train. But a person has to want to change to be allowed in and informed mental health experts (those who understsnd the traits unique to borderline) set healthy boundaries with.their patients, such as "I wont take phone calls between sessions" and the patients learn that they mean it and wont make exceptions. Most personality dusordered adults had the traits from early on. So they merely escalate as they get older. Some do melliw in middle age. Nobody kniws why. Many are borderline to the last breath. Experiences in life and hurting others doesnt change them. They lack empathy. But our behavior toward them can at least show them that it is pointless to use US as a verbal or physical punching bag or an ATM. Less is more with borderlines. You tell your answer once. When the abuse starts you leave the conversation. This is good for all abuse toward us, but there is no other way to stop the constant verbal abuse from a borderline than to refuse to accept it. If you accept it, they will oblidge. Most borderlines are undiagnosed because they wont admit that the problems are theirs, not everyone elses. There is a forum for parents of borderlines on a site called borgerline central. You can read a lot about borderline, and how others handle it, there. In the meantime, remember im not a dictor. Just did my homework on all personality disorders. Most regular therapist miss the diagnosis because the borderline lies to them about what is going on. So the therapist has nothing honest to go by. Often they use therapists as biotch boards about people who wont bend to their wills. Borderlines can seem to be nicer for a while, but always eventually implode...and if you dont do what they demand, then it is all your fault. They are hard to deal with, which is why its helpful to learn the best way to do it. Many go low or no contact with them, but I dont see you doing that right now. If she is in your life, it would best help for you to learn strategy to handle her. Borderline is 75 per cent females. I am in my 60s too. It is very unhealthy for us to deal with this kind of stress and abuse at our age.We earned a quiet retirement. Enough is enough. Jmo I'm so sorry. Hope you start taking care of YOU now. Sadly, you cant and won't change your daughter and even sadder, she has all the legal power over her child unless you can prove she and boyfriend physically abuse him. It is not your fault. Your hands are tied. Happy day, I hope. [/QUOTE]
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