Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Ketamine/Cocaine
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 622282" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You aren't giving up on them. There is nothing you can do. They are t he ones doing this to themselves. Giving them money, comfort and a warm meal won't help them. </p><p></p><p>It's tough that the boys had to deal with no dad and then an abusive husband, but many kids live through that and don't take drugs or abuse YOU (sounds like they are) and you are not a part of their bad behavior. They are adults now and are in control of their own lives. Apparently they want you to get them out of trouble, yet they are still going to keep breaking the law. You are giving up on them if you keep treating them like little children who can't do anything themselves. Maybe they aren't doing what they should be doing, but they can. </p><p></p><p>I agree with your son who has good sense. I wouldn't want too drugged up brothers hanging around my kids either and I'd be pretty disgusted if my siblings acted like that and took advantage of my mom. This is just my own opinion, and you don't have to share it in any way, but I think you should handle things more like your stable son is doing it. I do think it would help you tremendously if you went to a twelve step group where other parents have gone through or are going through the same exact stuff. </p><p></p><p>I suggest a book you may like to read that helped me a lot (and many of us). It's called "Codependent No More" by Melody Beatty. She has many good books about codependency, which is what most of us started out as...overly enmeshed in our dysfunctional children's lives, always thinking that WE had to fix it, not even realizing that we CAN'T fix it. The first time I read that book, it was a revelation to me. I was so busy trying to take care of and please everyone in my life that I had no life. The concept that I should ever put my own needs first was foreign to me. I didn't understand it. But I'm really glad I followed through and joined a Codapendency group and went to therapy specifically for those issues. I could finally stop feeling that I could make everything all right with everyone else if only I suffered enough myself. I felt that if any of my loved ones were suffering, then it was unfair or wrong or just immoral of me to have a good time. And I had depression problems without the extra drama so I would start to feel dangerously suicidal, all the while making sure I didn't miss one need any of my loved ones needed. </p><p></p><p>Looking back, I am so far from being that person that it boggles my mind that she was ever me, but that's where I started out. I'm glad I got out of it because it was destroying me and not helping anyone else.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 622282, member: 1550"] You aren't giving up on them. There is nothing you can do. They are t he ones doing this to themselves. Giving them money, comfort and a warm meal won't help them. It's tough that the boys had to deal with no dad and then an abusive husband, but many kids live through that and don't take drugs or abuse YOU (sounds like they are) and you are not a part of their bad behavior. They are adults now and are in control of their own lives. Apparently they want you to get them out of trouble, yet they are still going to keep breaking the law. You are giving up on them if you keep treating them like little children who can't do anything themselves. Maybe they aren't doing what they should be doing, but they can. I agree with your son who has good sense. I wouldn't want too drugged up brothers hanging around my kids either and I'd be pretty disgusted if my siblings acted like that and took advantage of my mom. This is just my own opinion, and you don't have to share it in any way, but I think you should handle things more like your stable son is doing it. I do think it would help you tremendously if you went to a twelve step group where other parents have gone through or are going through the same exact stuff. I suggest a book you may like to read that helped me a lot (and many of us). It's called "Codependent No More" by Melody Beatty. She has many good books about codependency, which is what most of us started out as...overly enmeshed in our dysfunctional children's lives, always thinking that WE had to fix it, not even realizing that we CAN'T fix it. The first time I read that book, it was a revelation to me. I was so busy trying to take care of and please everyone in my life that I had no life. The concept that I should ever put my own needs first was foreign to me. I didn't understand it. But I'm really glad I followed through and joined a Codapendency group and went to therapy specifically for those issues. I could finally stop feeling that I could make everything all right with everyone else if only I suffered enough myself. I felt that if any of my loved ones were suffering, then it was unfair or wrong or just immoral of me to have a good time. And I had depression problems without the extra drama so I would start to feel dangerously suicidal, all the while making sure I didn't miss one need any of my loved ones needed. Looking back, I am so far from being that person that it boggles my mind that she was ever me, but that's where I started out. I'm glad I got out of it because it was destroying me and not helping anyone else. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Ketamine/Cocaine
Top