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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 144730" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>CP, </p><p> </p><p>"42, years old, 5'2 145 lbs, grey and old huh?" Is that the way you feel about yourself? I can tell you things I see differently just in your writing, but would you believe them for just the moment or would you believe them all day long and start to change the things about yourself that you don't like? </p><p> </p><p>Honey - you have a lot of self confidence. You have absolutely no self esteem. Your husband and his unkind comments aside -At this point if I told you he didn't deserve you, you would go into telling me how it used to be. Yesterday is gone. And somewhere in there - you got gone too. </p><p> </p><p>You aren't being over-emotional either. You are a young woman who has a tremendous amount to offer. Unfortuantely you are stuck in a rutt. So you stayed together for 10 years - Cripes someone should give you a purple heart for putting up with a man who thinks treating his wife with love and kindness is taking away from the children. That is not true. You're supposed to have a husband to share things with. Marriage is two sided. And those sides are yours and his, not MY way or the highway. </p><p> </p><p>You state that he thinks therapy is babble. Well I'm sure to him it would be. It was to my x too. So, I went alone. I even had to lie about it. he was fine if I was in a bar - but therapy? NO WAY. And what I learned in therapy was that I had worth. I had value, I deserved someone who was going to walk with me through life - not make me walk behind them. Being a wife does not mean being a slave. It does not mean that your husband gets to berate you for the "sake" of the children. </p><p> </p><p>Your children aren't going to be any happier living in a home with 2 parents that don't communicate. They will mimic that in their own lives, choices for mates and pass it on to their children because it's how they grew up. If you can be fine with that - fine. But I'm telling you that you have so much more to offer yourself, your children the world around you. </p><p> </p><p>If you don't like being 145 lbs with grey hair - only you can change that. You could join the Healthy living sections and jump in with the weight loss support. Put some pennies back for a hair cut and dye job. Shop at the goodwills and second hand stores and find some inexpensive up to date clothing - and be yourself. If butterflies don't hatch out of their coccoon and fly they die inside their coccoon. You don't have to do that - you have choices. You HAVE support. </p><p> </p><p>You NEED to know why your marriage took a nosedive, but more important you need to know WHY you put up with it. </p><p> </p><p>Porn and all the rest arent' what is bothering you. Being lonely is. It would bother anyone. If you were secure in how you felt about yourself - porn would either be something that you could over look, or something that your husband would KNOW isn't tolerated or appreciated. </p><p> </p><p>He's doing what he's doing for him - not you. Now YOU find a therapist and do what you can do for you!!!! If by some chance he pulls his head out of his hiney? Great - You'll glow with confidence. And if sadly he does not want to change = you'll have the strength to walk away knowing you did what you could to save your relationship. </p><p> </p><p>I want to tell you something - When I went through counseling during and after my marriage - I was so down and so depressed. My husband was doing drugs, other women, drinking - and shoving it all in my face. he would openly engage in "chat" with women anywhere we went - it was embarrassing and demeaning. And I want to tell you this too - I was beautiful. By the end of a 13 year marriage to him. I still had looks - but I didn't feel beautiful. I felt like the rag doll someone left at the park - no one cared about me - and neither did I! I got into therapy, started an exercise routine, and slimmed back to a svelte model shape. (from 5'8 -135lbs to 5'8 and 119) and I got some new clothes, found some makeup and gave it one last chance to gain my husbands attention. I was feeling good, looking good, and mentally getting better. And he STILL had girlfriends....so all those beauties in the magazines that are air brushed have just as many problems or more than you or I....But that wouldn't sell a magazine. And no one would read it for the article anyway. lol </p><p> </p><p>So there I was - slim, getting mentally healthy and feeling the best and the worst I ever did in my life - and I left. I took my son and I left never looked back. A few years later I met DF. he's the strong silent type. I thought he was stuck up - he said he was at a loss for words because I was so (everything). And when we finally decided to date, and be exclusive - he said the most supreme compliment anyone has ever given me - and he meant it - and he said "You have the sexiest mind I have ever met in a woman." and he explained that he'd never met someone who was so vibrant, full of life - had it together (although I proved him wrong on that with difficult child many times) lol. </p><p> </p><p>You can be that too - you can feel that way - it's not hard - you just have to put some work into yourself - and you will find Paula again - maybe now a more Mature Paula that knows what she wants and goes for it! </p><p> </p><p>You have a number of wonderful qualities - we get to see a few here all the time - Why not prove to yourself that there are so many more hiding inside - and let them out? </p><p> </p><p>You can dooooo iiiiiiiitttttttt! </p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star (still beautiful, just overweight, but working on that) lol</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 144730, member: 4964"] CP, "42, years old, 5'2 145 lbs, grey and old huh?" Is that the way you feel about yourself? I can tell you things I see differently just in your writing, but would you believe them for just the moment or would you believe them all day long and start to change the things about yourself that you don't like? Honey - you have a lot of self confidence. You have absolutely no self esteem. Your husband and his unkind comments aside -At this point if I told you he didn't deserve you, you would go into telling me how it used to be. Yesterday is gone. And somewhere in there - you got gone too. You aren't being over-emotional either. You are a young woman who has a tremendous amount to offer. Unfortuantely you are stuck in a rutt. So you stayed together for 10 years - Cripes someone should give you a purple heart for putting up with a man who thinks treating his wife with love and kindness is taking away from the children. That is not true. You're supposed to have a husband to share things with. Marriage is two sided. And those sides are yours and his, not MY way or the highway. You state that he thinks therapy is babble. Well I'm sure to him it would be. It was to my x too. So, I went alone. I even had to lie about it. he was fine if I was in a bar - but therapy? NO WAY. And what I learned in therapy was that I had worth. I had value, I deserved someone who was going to walk with me through life - not make me walk behind them. Being a wife does not mean being a slave. It does not mean that your husband gets to berate you for the "sake" of the children. Your children aren't going to be any happier living in a home with 2 parents that don't communicate. They will mimic that in their own lives, choices for mates and pass it on to their children because it's how they grew up. If you can be fine with that - fine. But I'm telling you that you have so much more to offer yourself, your children the world around you. If you don't like being 145 lbs with grey hair - only you can change that. You could join the Healthy living sections and jump in with the weight loss support. Put some pennies back for a hair cut and dye job. Shop at the goodwills and second hand stores and find some inexpensive up to date clothing - and be yourself. If butterflies don't hatch out of their coccoon and fly they die inside their coccoon. You don't have to do that - you have choices. You HAVE support. You NEED to know why your marriage took a nosedive, but more important you need to know WHY you put up with it. Porn and all the rest arent' what is bothering you. Being lonely is. It would bother anyone. If you were secure in how you felt about yourself - porn would either be something that you could over look, or something that your husband would KNOW isn't tolerated or appreciated. He's doing what he's doing for him - not you. Now YOU find a therapist and do what you can do for you!!!! If by some chance he pulls his head out of his hiney? Great - You'll glow with confidence. And if sadly he does not want to change = you'll have the strength to walk away knowing you did what you could to save your relationship. I want to tell you something - When I went through counseling during and after my marriage - I was so down and so depressed. My husband was doing drugs, other women, drinking - and shoving it all in my face. he would openly engage in "chat" with women anywhere we went - it was embarrassing and demeaning. And I want to tell you this too - I was beautiful. By the end of a 13 year marriage to him. I still had looks - but I didn't feel beautiful. I felt like the rag doll someone left at the park - no one cared about me - and neither did I! I got into therapy, started an exercise routine, and slimmed back to a svelte model shape. (from 5'8 -135lbs to 5'8 and 119) and I got some new clothes, found some makeup and gave it one last chance to gain my husbands attention. I was feeling good, looking good, and mentally getting better. And he STILL had girlfriends....so all those beauties in the magazines that are air brushed have just as many problems or more than you or I....But that wouldn't sell a magazine. And no one would read it for the article anyway. lol So there I was - slim, getting mentally healthy and feeling the best and the worst I ever did in my life - and I left. I took my son and I left never looked back. A few years later I met DF. he's the strong silent type. I thought he was stuck up - he said he was at a loss for words because I was so (everything). And when we finally decided to date, and be exclusive - he said the most supreme compliment anyone has ever given me - and he meant it - and he said "You have the sexiest mind I have ever met in a woman." and he explained that he'd never met someone who was so vibrant, full of life - had it together (although I proved him wrong on that with difficult child many times) lol. You can be that too - you can feel that way - it's not hard - you just have to put some work into yourself - and you will find Paula again - maybe now a more Mature Paula that knows what she wants and goes for it! You have a number of wonderful qualities - we get to see a few here all the time - Why not prove to yourself that there are so many more hiding inside - and let them out? You can dooooo iiiiiiiitttttttt! Hugs Star (still beautiful, just overweight, but working on that) lol [/QUOTE]
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