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<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 144983" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>Paula,</p><p></p><p>You're not venting too much. {{{{{Hugs}}}}} to you.</p><p></p><p>It's such a hard situation to be in. As far as what to do, here is what I would suggest.</p><p></p><p>If you have decided that you want to end your marriage, TAKE ALL THE STEPS YOU HAVE TO BEFORE MENTIONING DIVORCE to your H. Get all your ducks in a row. Financially, emotionally, with your job. Have a complete plan about what's going to happen, how and where you and the kids are going to live, and everything else.</p><p></p><p>You can make a good case with the courts for needing to keep the house, since it's the children's home and the place where they will be stable and less traumatized by the changes.</p><p></p><p>I'm not sure about State or Federal regulations, but here in Ontario there are tables available on the internet that tell you the required amounts for spousal support and child support, depending on income level, number of children, etc.</p><p></p><p>See a therapist and talk everything through. See a marriage counsellor with H if he will go, but go without him if necessary. Work through all of your unresolved feelings, and have a plan for how to deal with all of the emotions that you will go through.</p><p></p><p>Start preparing financially. If necessary, open a bank account to which your H has no access or knowledge. Do not let him know about the account. Get a safe deposit box and store any important papers in it (house title documents, ID, Social Insurance, Children's Birth Certificates, etc.)</p><p></p><p>Go to a family lawyer for a consultation. Find out whatever legal information you need about the process, any rules you have to follow, your rights and your responsibilities, and those of your H.</p><p></p><p>When you feel that you're ready and you have all of your plans in order, that's the time to start talking about it with H. You're prepared, you have a plan, you know what you need to do. If you start talking about it now, before you're ready, H may stand in the way of your plans, sabotage your efforts, etc.</p><p></p><p>I have been through a similar situation. Please feel free to PM me if you want more detail.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there. We're here for you.</p><p>Trinity</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 144983, member: 3907"] Paula, You're not venting too much. {{{{{Hugs}}}}} to you. It's such a hard situation to be in. As far as what to do, here is what I would suggest. If you have decided that you want to end your marriage, TAKE ALL THE STEPS YOU HAVE TO BEFORE MENTIONING DIVORCE to your H. Get all your ducks in a row. Financially, emotionally, with your job. Have a complete plan about what's going to happen, how and where you and the kids are going to live, and everything else. You can make a good case with the courts for needing to keep the house, since it's the children's home and the place where they will be stable and less traumatized by the changes. I'm not sure about State or Federal regulations, but here in Ontario there are tables available on the internet that tell you the required amounts for spousal support and child support, depending on income level, number of children, etc. See a therapist and talk everything through. See a marriage counsellor with H if he will go, but go without him if necessary. Work through all of your unresolved feelings, and have a plan for how to deal with all of the emotions that you will go through. Start preparing financially. If necessary, open a bank account to which your H has no access or knowledge. Do not let him know about the account. Get a safe deposit box and store any important papers in it (house title documents, ID, Social Insurance, Children's Birth Certificates, etc.) Go to a family lawyer for a consultation. Find out whatever legal information you need about the process, any rules you have to follow, your rights and your responsibilities, and those of your H. When you feel that you're ready and you have all of your plans in order, that's the time to start talking about it with H. You're prepared, you have a plan, you know what you need to do. If you start talking about it now, before you're ready, H may stand in the way of your plans, sabotage your efforts, etc. I have been through a similar situation. Please feel free to PM me if you want more detail. Hang in there. We're here for you. Trinity [/QUOTE]
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