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<blockquote data-quote="tammyjh" data-source="post: 145032" data-attributes="member: 3072"><p>Just another question. Does he drink?</p><p></p><p>My husband is a recovering alcoholic and it was about 4 yrs. ago that I was making plans to take the kids and leave. My plan was to make sure I had enough $$ in the bank and if he shaped up before then...great. If he didn't, we were leaving. He did not know this but it seems when I "let go" he checked himself into rehab and started changing his life. Your story seems similar to me because what started the ball rolling was that I found out, by accident, that he was frequenting "married and flirting" chat rooms and that he had also connected by internet with an old girlfriend and they were chatting...started on internet but eventually by phone. As she lives in CA and we live in ME, there was nothing physical going on but he was hiding it. So, while some may disagree, the fact that he didn't want me to find out what he was doing means he was being sneaky....doing what he knew would hurt my feelings. And because he was drinking, he wasn't very good at covering his tracks. What tipped me off was having to sign back into all my sites that were supposed to remember me as well. When I checked history for somewhere I had been the day before, I found more than I was looking for. It was a while before he started changing and due to the drinking, he was acting like quite a jerk. I came to the realization that if thats what I was losing, I wasn't losing much. Luckily, he's been sober for almost 4 yrs. and working very hard to get his head on straight and is much more like the man I married. </p><p></p><p>You know, if he's not ready to change his life, there's really little you can do. I agree with Trinity, make your plans and get your things in order before you leave. If he changes in the meantime, that would be wonderful. But if he doesn't, you'll be ready to do what you need to do. Take care of yourself and the kids. And also, be kind to yourself. Wishing you all the best.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="tammyjh, post: 145032, member: 3072"] Just another question. Does he drink? My husband is a recovering alcoholic and it was about 4 yrs. ago that I was making plans to take the kids and leave. My plan was to make sure I had enough $$ in the bank and if he shaped up before then...great. If he didn't, we were leaving. He did not know this but it seems when I "let go" he checked himself into rehab and started changing his life. Your story seems similar to me because what started the ball rolling was that I found out, by accident, that he was frequenting "married and flirting" chat rooms and that he had also connected by internet with an old girlfriend and they were chatting...started on internet but eventually by phone. As she lives in CA and we live in ME, there was nothing physical going on but he was hiding it. So, while some may disagree, the fact that he didn't want me to find out what he was doing means he was being sneaky....doing what he knew would hurt my feelings. And because he was drinking, he wasn't very good at covering his tracks. What tipped me off was having to sign back into all my sites that were supposed to remember me as well. When I checked history for somewhere I had been the day before, I found more than I was looking for. It was a while before he started changing and due to the drinking, he was acting like quite a jerk. I came to the realization that if thats what I was losing, I wasn't losing much. Luckily, he's been sober for almost 4 yrs. and working very hard to get his head on straight and is much more like the man I married. You know, if he's not ready to change his life, there's really little you can do. I agree with Trinity, make your plans and get your things in order before you leave. If he changes in the meantime, that would be wonderful. But if he doesn't, you'll be ready to do what you need to do. Take care of yourself and the kids. And also, be kind to yourself. Wishing you all the best. [/QUOTE]
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