LOL! Well, I had been sitting here for months knowing this job can't last, at least on the terms it has been. That's for a variety of reasons- term contract, difficult child going to be released at some point and I'm traveling all the time, boss is nuts, etc. So it was very stressful to not know if I was going to end up in a homeless shelter like I almost did last fall after all, or if this clearance was going to come thru. The clearance came thru- and that has opened up over 100 job openings I am qualified for. Now I just need to decide which areas I'd be willing to relocate to. These are permanent jobs, better benefits, etc. My bank account has more money in it than I've had in 2 years. So I guess there is a better feeling that I will be able to recoup. I'll never had all I lost again, but that's ok I guess.
As far as difficult child, I posterd a thread called "sooo..." in General a few days ago but it's lost behind all the more recent threads now. All I can say is that right now, even though he's royally messing up in Department of Juvenile Justice, we are on speaking terms and he knows he probably won't come straight from Department of Juvenile Justice to living with me. He knows I love him, I know that and I believe he loves me. But our relationship has to transition into one where we have separate lives, each making our own decisions, and each suffering the consequences or reaping the rewards, as applicable. In the end, that might be the best thing for our relationship as well as for him. It hurts though- I will always feel like a failure of a mother and probably not ever figure out exactly where I went wrong. And I really grieve the life I know he could have had. But on the other hand, I can't undo anything and don't want to enable him. I want this to be his worst year and "get" that his choices are his own so maybe he can turn something arounjd before he loses all opportunities that youth brings.
Thank you again for thinking of me!!