Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
lack of communication and difficult child melts down
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 394160" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I think you need to make it clear to both husband and exwife (surely you can text her too? Nicely? If it's about organising your lives around her kids) that if she drops something on him at the last minute, she's also dropping it on your at the last minute and it is not always going to work out to the best advantage of HER KIDS. It is not fair to HER CHILD to be left, dumped on you, while they do parent stuff together in the luxury of a kid-free zone. I have done the parent-teacher thing often, with all my kids there because I wasn't going to dump them on someone else and if I had to put up with them, so did the school. </p><p></p><p>On top of that you have your hands full with difficult child's education and it was a particularly challenging day. I laid down firm rules for the family, and this includes husband (and all other kids when they still lived at home) - during school hours, do not disturb us. If you want something done as a favour you may ask and it if is convenient, I will try to help. But not at the expense of my son's education. I have been known to stick notes on the door "DO NOT DISTURB UNTIL 3PM UNLESS YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT" and to put the phone on to messages only. husband will tell you - if he has a day home from work and it is a school day for difficult child 3, he has to stay below our radar. In his own home. But he's generally happy to go tinker in his garage. But he knows, parenting is a team effort, and sometimes when I've already got something covered, I need him to keep back for a while. And he does.</p><p></p><p>Another option you can try in such a circumstance - tell your husband that this particular day, difficult child has to go visit the tutor for a change and not have the tutor at home. Then arrange to meet the tutor somewhere different. It's good for difficult child anyway, to get out of the house occasionally. We've done lessons at the beach (not possible for you right now); in the rainforest; in the car at the mall. In the car at the park. \It mightn't be as good, but it's got to be better than you had.</p><p></p><p>If difficult child needs your undivided attention during school hours (or at least, possibly might need you to be available) then you cannot have other responsibilities dumped on you. Especially not someone else's responsibilities. Especially not at less than zero notice (he failed to follow through on his obligations which you had counted on him for - he dropped the ball big time. You ALWAYS ensure your kids are fed, before you eat a bite). I'm sure ex-wife would get this, if you put it in terms of "your child's needs are not being properly met this way because my husband is not keeping me informed, and with my responsibilities I can't always be there to pick up the slack when he drops the ball."</p><p></p><p>She was married to him too. I'm sure she will know EXACTLY what you mean. And if/when husband comes back at you for daring to criticise him, ask him where you got it wrong. Then if he is still unhappy but can't find anywhere that you got wrong, tell him it is up to him to make it work. it is not up to you. You have enough balls juggling in the air already, thank you.</p><p></p><p>As for me being brave enough to respond to you - yes, I know you're prickly at times. It is understandable. It's OK. I think I would be absolutely furious!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 394160, member: 1991"] I think you need to make it clear to both husband and exwife (surely you can text her too? Nicely? If it's about organising your lives around her kids) that if she drops something on him at the last minute, she's also dropping it on your at the last minute and it is not always going to work out to the best advantage of HER KIDS. It is not fair to HER CHILD to be left, dumped on you, while they do parent stuff together in the luxury of a kid-free zone. I have done the parent-teacher thing often, with all my kids there because I wasn't going to dump them on someone else and if I had to put up with them, so did the school. On top of that you have your hands full with difficult child's education and it was a particularly challenging day. I laid down firm rules for the family, and this includes husband (and all other kids when they still lived at home) - during school hours, do not disturb us. If you want something done as a favour you may ask and it if is convenient, I will try to help. But not at the expense of my son's education. I have been known to stick notes on the door "DO NOT DISTURB UNTIL 3PM UNLESS YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT" and to put the phone on to messages only. husband will tell you - if he has a day home from work and it is a school day for difficult child 3, he has to stay below our radar. In his own home. But he's generally happy to go tinker in his garage. But he knows, parenting is a team effort, and sometimes when I've already got something covered, I need him to keep back for a while. And he does. Another option you can try in such a circumstance - tell your husband that this particular day, difficult child has to go visit the tutor for a change and not have the tutor at home. Then arrange to meet the tutor somewhere different. It's good for difficult child anyway, to get out of the house occasionally. We've done lessons at the beach (not possible for you right now); in the rainforest; in the car at the mall. In the car at the park. \It mightn't be as good, but it's got to be better than you had. If difficult child needs your undivided attention during school hours (or at least, possibly might need you to be available) then you cannot have other responsibilities dumped on you. Especially not someone else's responsibilities. Especially not at less than zero notice (he failed to follow through on his obligations which you had counted on him for - he dropped the ball big time. You ALWAYS ensure your kids are fed, before you eat a bite). I'm sure ex-wife would get this, if you put it in terms of "your child's needs are not being properly met this way because my husband is not keeping me informed, and with my responsibilities I can't always be there to pick up the slack when he drops the ball." She was married to him too. I'm sure she will know EXACTLY what you mean. And if/when husband comes back at you for daring to criticise him, ask him where you got it wrong. Then if he is still unhappy but can't find anywhere that you got wrong, tell him it is up to him to make it work. it is not up to you. You have enough balls juggling in the air already, thank you. As for me being brave enough to respond to you - yes, I know you're prickly at times. It is understandable. It's OK. I think I would be absolutely furious! Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
lack of communication and difficult child melts down
Top