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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 431095" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Welcome. This is a soft place to land, but a lot of us have been here for a while. If you're just starting out on the journey to supporting a child you didn't realise initially needed extra help, then yes, it is a steep learning curve. I will try to be gentle with you!</p><p></p><p>Here, we do recognise that parents are not perfect. Also, so often, especially in the early stages of "Oh, crud! I think my kid has problems!" we tend to be reactive instead of proactive. It is hard to be proactive when you don't know that some saboteur is drilling holes in the dyke - all you can do is plug each leak as you find it. We do get this.</p><p></p><p>Some suggestions (including what you have undoubtedly already been told) -</p><p></p><p>1) Read "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. Go to Early Childhood forum and read info on this book in the sticky there. It will help, at some level. Sadly, it is not a cure. Just a different way to manage.</p><p></p><p>2) If you can, get your husband to lurk here/post here too. It has really helped me and my husband, who is now a member here in his own right. He even steals my FaceBook page! We already had a close relationship, we thought we were communicating as well as anybody could, but there was always a lag in my working out some ideas, and husband being able to acquaint himself with them sufficiently, to come on board. But when he began lurking, he would come home from work having read what I posted, and ready to discuss it on equal terms. It made such a difference, more than we could have thought possible. But he couldn't read "The Explosive Child" even though he tried. So I summarised it for him, which was actually a really useful thing to do.</p><p></p><p>3) Read other threads and other posts. It can open you up to other ideas as well as give you confidence in your own situation. A kid like yours and mine can really rock your confidence. This site helped me find my confidence again and gave me the courage to take chances and take a stand for my child.</p><p></p><p>4) the neuropsychologist assessment will be very useful, I am glad you have him down for one. It's frustrating to have to wait.</p><p></p><p>5) Hang in there. Whether you stay here or not, your son has you for the long haul and needs you. It won't be easy, with us or without us.</p><p></p><p>As for your health - you're not alone in that here either, sadly. I'd like to say it's the stress of our kids, but not in all cases. My own health failed after an injury at work, a very minor one, led to a domino cascade. Part of my problems health-wise include a certain amount of "brain fog". This happened when difficult child 1 was a baby (and not really a difficult child at the time!) so I can't blame my kids. Other parents here are also struggling with similarly serious chronic health problems. Some of them were members of this site before they became ill, we watched over them as best we could from where we are around the world. If you need to dump on us about your health or other non-kid issues, check out Watercooler.</p><p></p><p>It's early days for you health-wise, as well as early days for you in learning to cope with this boy, so you have a nasty double-whammy. The emotional fallout for you will be considerable and there really isn't a lot you can do to head it off at the pass. The most important thing you can do, is look after your own needs first. Make sure that your first priority is to look after the mother of your children. Your second priority is your relationship with the father of your children. Then come the children. It sounds selfish, but it's pure survival mode.</p><p></p><p>And lastly - there can be a lot of joy in this too. Just a different brand of it.</p><p></p><p>I'm glad you're here with us, I hope we can help.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 431095, member: 1991"] Welcome. This is a soft place to land, but a lot of us have been here for a while. If you're just starting out on the journey to supporting a child you didn't realise initially needed extra help, then yes, it is a steep learning curve. I will try to be gentle with you! Here, we do recognise that parents are not perfect. Also, so often, especially in the early stages of "Oh, crud! I think my kid has problems!" we tend to be reactive instead of proactive. It is hard to be proactive when you don't know that some saboteur is drilling holes in the dyke - all you can do is plug each leak as you find it. We do get this. Some suggestions (including what you have undoubtedly already been told) - 1) Read "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. Go to Early Childhood forum and read info on this book in the sticky there. It will help, at some level. Sadly, it is not a cure. Just a different way to manage. 2) If you can, get your husband to lurk here/post here too. It has really helped me and my husband, who is now a member here in his own right. He even steals my FaceBook page! We already had a close relationship, we thought we were communicating as well as anybody could, but there was always a lag in my working out some ideas, and husband being able to acquaint himself with them sufficiently, to come on board. But when he began lurking, he would come home from work having read what I posted, and ready to discuss it on equal terms. It made such a difference, more than we could have thought possible. But he couldn't read "The Explosive Child" even though he tried. So I summarised it for him, which was actually a really useful thing to do. 3) Read other threads and other posts. It can open you up to other ideas as well as give you confidence in your own situation. A kid like yours and mine can really rock your confidence. This site helped me find my confidence again and gave me the courage to take chances and take a stand for my child. 4) the neuropsychologist assessment will be very useful, I am glad you have him down for one. It's frustrating to have to wait. 5) Hang in there. Whether you stay here or not, your son has you for the long haul and needs you. It won't be easy, with us or without us. As for your health - you're not alone in that here either, sadly. I'd like to say it's the stress of our kids, but not in all cases. My own health failed after an injury at work, a very minor one, led to a domino cascade. Part of my problems health-wise include a certain amount of "brain fog". This happened when difficult child 1 was a baby (and not really a difficult child at the time!) so I can't blame my kids. Other parents here are also struggling with similarly serious chronic health problems. Some of them were members of this site before they became ill, we watched over them as best we could from where we are around the world. If you need to dump on us about your health or other non-kid issues, check out Watercooler. It's early days for you health-wise, as well as early days for you in learning to cope with this boy, so you have a nasty double-whammy. The emotional fallout for you will be considerable and there really isn't a lot you can do to head it off at the pass. The most important thing you can do, is look after your own needs first. Make sure that your first priority is to look after the mother of your children. Your second priority is your relationship with the father of your children. Then come the children. It sounds selfish, but it's pure survival mode. And lastly - there can be a lot of joy in this too. Just a different brand of it. I'm glad you're here with us, I hope we can help. Marg [/QUOTE]
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