I've been making some observations regarding difficult child. I'd like some of your thoughts on these please. Especially from you all who are outside the "system" I'm in right now. For 2 months my only human contacts have been with his "providers", and I feel very much like I'm being manipulated into their web. I have no outside resources except from them, or one of 'their partner resources'. And since they have encircled around me, I've become more confused and less in control. Today I woke up knowing that I have to stop this spiral, and get us out of their control. I'm not going to state my thoughts on these observations just yet, I want to see if you see what I do. Providers mean: BMS (behavior management service), Therapists, CSS (community support service). BMS has him during the week while school is out, Therapists and CSS are in-home providers. Observations: During the week, when difficult child goes to the providers all day, and then therapists come to the house at night, these are my observations: During the week when difficult child is with them all day, I have a crisis at night 90% of the time. (either calling 911, or his provider and me dealing with it). He's completely out of control, majority of time swinging from violence to emotional breakdown crying. Like a toddler who's beyond exhausted, and has that squealy /whiny crying until they just pass out. During the week when difficult child comes home, and I unpack his bags, I have found not only his lunch uneaten but his medications. So they're not giving him food at all or food I haven't sent with him and approved and they haven't given him his medications. So his chemistry is completely out of whack when I pick him up. When I ask him 'what did you do today', he ALWAYS puts his hand and fingers over his eyes by his temples and presses down hard and says either 'I don't know, or I don't remember'. If I press him, he then explodes. If I talk to him, and ask that he looks at me he ALWAYS says 'I hate looking at people, it hurts'. But then other times, when I say nothing he will make eye contact and there's no pain response or symptom. Most of the fights regarding ‘buying him something' is triggered because some provider got him to do something for them by telling him I would buy him something AND I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THIS. So I'm ambushed and setup to look like a liar. At night during the week when in-home providers come, they are always commenting on the fact that difficult child is NOT doing his routine or on schedule. (by the way, this is why THEY COME TO THE HOUSE TO SET-UP AND GET HIM TO DO THIS, LIKE AT THE Residential Treatment Center (RTC)............NOT ME. Then once it's in place and he's following it, I take over. So difficult child has ALOT of pressure on him to do all of this after being with other providers all day. So he's being directed to perform about 13 hours M-F. Although his day with them is doing fun stuff, it's pretty much also non-stop with no time to just gel. At night during the week when they ONLY do parent/family strategies (like token economy), instead of pressing the routine/schedule he has a better night. One the weekends when we have NO providers in our life: On the weekends if he has an emotional crying fit on the floor, he falls asleep right where he is for a couple of hours after the fit. IE: yesterday and today around 11:30am this is exactly what happened. On the weekends I make sure his primary food is protein (largest amount protein, then greens, and then small amounts of carbs). When he's with me and eats this way and takes his medications, our weekends are almost crisis free. Not perfect, but he's rational and can listen and can be cooperative. (dosn't mean he's doing his chores, and his routine, but pretty much no 911 crisis). Unlike weekdays when he's completely ODD, irratoinal, and in crisis majority of time. On weekends I live by the basket approach, or pick your battles approach. Although he needs to be and should be on strict routine (like at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)), I don't push it into a fight although I DO NEED him to help with the chores becuase it's just to much for a single working mom to do. Especially since he just throws his stuff on the floor walking in the door, and he's constantly getting into things and not putting them back....so now I have 10 times more to clean and pick up..... I would rather have peace in the house, so I'm doing everything right now. When he's with me I DO NOT PROMISE TO BUY HIM ANYTHING!!!!! PERIOD!! He has to earn his privledges. If he doesn't, then he doesn't get what he wants. AND, I have a NO NAGGING RULE! PERIOD! If you nag me over and over about something, you will NEVER EVER GET IT. I'm seeing meltdowns and tamtrums regarding these rules from me, because weekday providers say anything to them to get him to comply, to make THEIR job and THEIR day with him easier....no matter that it is causing harm to his success and to our family success. I'm sure there's more, but I just can't think of them right now. So what comes to mind for you when reading these things. Thanks.