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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 663725" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>It helps me when one of us here gives me words to say, Lil. If you have more information, then you ~ well, then you have more information. So, the thing other moms told me was to say this to whatever my son said. It helped me to have those words.</p><p></p><p>"Oh, no! I'm so sorry that's happening. What are you going to do."</p><p></p><p>or</p><p></p><p>"Oh, no! I can't believe this is happening. Just when things were going so well for you, too! Man! We were so proud and happy for you! I know you will figure it out, honey. We love you so much. Let us know what happens, okay?"</p><p></p><p>I know that saying or texting a different kind of words will not change the concern you feel. But those different kinds of words change your position just a little. Responsibility for his position is back where it belongs. With your son. At the least, these responses will give you time to think.</p><p></p><p>Lil? Imagine I am saying this in the gentlest way possible, okay?</p><p></p><p>These are the ways manipulations begin. </p><p></p><p>It isn't that he hurt his back. That could happen to anyone. It isn't that a hospital visit, or a doctor's visit, is required before he can come back to work. It is that your child is so determined for you to know how deeply and sincerely he wanted the only possible job there is for him and through circumstances utterly, absolutely, totally beyond his control, he is going to lose it and it isn't his fault. In part because, even if someone could be found who would be willing to drive him to the doctor? They would never, ever, be able to find the house where he lives.</p><p></p><p>Lil?</p><p></p><p>Would they not hold the position until the employee could see a doctor?</p><p></p><p>Is it possible to charge a cab ride for him on your credit card? Google cabs in his city. The phone numbers will be there, online. To the hospital and then, to work so the office will know he is cleared for his shift that night. The cab company will be able to give you an estimate of the cost based on mileage. You don't need to know anything more than where to pick up. The cab company will know where the hospital and the factory are. You could maybe charge a pizza in son's name in the town he is in so he could have dinner before his shift.</p><p></p><p>Pizza place numbers will be on google, too.</p><p></p><p>Money can be wired to the person with the car through WalMart Green Dot. You go to WalMart and buy the Green Dot card. Text the number on the back to son. The WalMart where they are will cash the Green Dot card.</p><p></p><p>I think it costs $5.</p><p></p><p>It has been awhile since we have done that.</p><p></p><p>Making the phone calls will give you something to do and again, time to think.</p><p></p><p>When daughter was homeless, I learned many things through researching available solutions and making phone calls.</p><p></p><p>You are not helpless.</p><p></p><p>You have choices about how to respond to this.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I'm sorry, Lil. What you want, what each of us wants, is for our kids to be okay. Home would be best, absolutely. To know where he is. To see him and be able to look into his eyes and touch him and to know he is well. To be in school. Or, if that isn't feasible at this point, to be working.</p><p></p><p>To be living at home and working would be just fine.</p><p></p><p>Bottom line is that we want them to survive. You can always bring him home. </p><p></p><p>You can.</p><p></p><p>Let him not know that for this little while.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 663725, member: 17461"] It helps me when one of us here gives me words to say, Lil. If you have more information, then you ~ well, then you have more information. So, the thing other moms told me was to say this to whatever my son said. It helped me to have those words. "Oh, no! I'm so sorry that's happening. What are you going to do." or "Oh, no! I can't believe this is happening. Just when things were going so well for you, too! Man! We were so proud and happy for you! I know you will figure it out, honey. We love you so much. Let us know what happens, okay?" I know that saying or texting a different kind of words will not change the concern you feel. But those different kinds of words change your position just a little. Responsibility for his position is back where it belongs. With your son. At the least, these responses will give you time to think. Lil? Imagine I am saying this in the gentlest way possible, okay? These are the ways manipulations begin. It isn't that he hurt his back. That could happen to anyone. It isn't that a hospital visit, or a doctor's visit, is required before he can come back to work. It is that your child is so determined for you to know how deeply and sincerely he wanted the only possible job there is for him and through circumstances utterly, absolutely, totally beyond his control, he is going to lose it and it isn't his fault. In part because, even if someone could be found who would be willing to drive him to the doctor? They would never, ever, be able to find the house where he lives. Lil? Would they not hold the position until the employee could see a doctor? Is it possible to charge a cab ride for him on your credit card? Google cabs in his city. The phone numbers will be there, online. To the hospital and then, to work so the office will know he is cleared for his shift that night. The cab company will be able to give you an estimate of the cost based on mileage. You don't need to know anything more than where to pick up. The cab company will know where the hospital and the factory are. You could maybe charge a pizza in son's name in the town he is in so he could have dinner before his shift. Pizza place numbers will be on google, too. Money can be wired to the person with the car through WalMart Green Dot. You go to WalMart and buy the Green Dot card. Text the number on the back to son. The WalMart where they are will cash the Green Dot card. I think it costs $5. It has been awhile since we have done that. Making the phone calls will give you something to do and again, time to think. When daughter was homeless, I learned many things through researching available solutions and making phone calls. You are not helpless. You have choices about how to respond to this. I'm sorry, Lil. What you want, what each of us wants, is for our kids to be okay. Home would be best, absolutely. To know where he is. To see him and be able to look into his eyes and touch him and to know he is well. To be in school. Or, if that isn't feasible at this point, to be working. To be living at home and working would be just fine. Bottom line is that we want them to survive. You can always bring him home. You can. Let him not know that for this little while. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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