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<blockquote data-quote="Lil" data-source="post: 663744" data-attributes="member: 17309"><p>I agree - he wants my complete sympathy and for me to see him as a person bad things happen to - not as a person who screws up his life himself. I think HE sees HIMSELF that way. If I could only fix ONE thing about him...that would be it. I'd make it so he understood that these things are HIS doing.</p><p> </p><p>He has not asked me for help. I will not offer it. Why should I come riding to the rescue, even if it's only by offering a credit carded cab ride to the hospital? </p><p> </p><p>HE can think of these things. HE can ask me - politely. Then - MAYBE - I would consider it. Him asking at least means he's serious about getting cleared to return to work. </p><p> </p><p></p><p> </p><p>Jabber's right. As I said, I want him home, but I don't want HIM. Not like he is. I want a mature, responsible, son. </p><p> </p><p>Would I give him a second chance? Maybe. Probably. But Jabber is, as you can see, very much against it. I won't do that to my marriage. It feels a bit like I'm choosing sides - choosing my husband over my son, which I said I'd never do, but I agree with Jabber. A friend told us they had put locks on their doors when their daughter was home and wore the key around their necks and I thought, "That's nuts!" I wouldn't do that, just trust nothing would go missing. Of course, I get hurt every time, because I do trust. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /> </p><p> </p><p>Even if he wanted to come home and just be homeless, not to our house, it would be on the condition that I take him directly to the police department. Jabber has no discretion - he'd lose his job if he didn't report him if he knew there was a warrant and I would never put him in the position of turning in his son. He was offered that option. If he ever wanted to come back, I would support him by going to court with him, but unless he wants to face the music, he's on his own.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lil, post: 663744, member: 17309"] I agree - he wants my complete sympathy and for me to see him as a person bad things happen to - not as a person who screws up his life himself. I think HE sees HIMSELF that way. If I could only fix ONE thing about him...that would be it. I'd make it so he understood that these things are HIS doing. He has not asked me for help. I will not offer it. Why should I come riding to the rescue, even if it's only by offering a credit carded cab ride to the hospital? HE can think of these things. HE can ask me - politely. Then - MAYBE - I would consider it. Him asking at least means he's serious about getting cleared to return to work. Jabber's right. As I said, I want him home, but I don't want HIM. Not like he is. I want a mature, responsible, son. Would I give him a second chance? Maybe. Probably. But Jabber is, as you can see, very much against it. I won't do that to my marriage. It feels a bit like I'm choosing sides - choosing my husband over my son, which I said I'd never do, but I agree with Jabber. A friend told us they had put locks on their doors when their daughter was home and wore the key around their necks and I thought, "That's nuts!" I wouldn't do that, just trust nothing would go missing. Of course, I get hurt every time, because I do trust. :( Even if he wanted to come home and just be homeless, not to our house, it would be on the condition that I take him directly to the police department. Jabber has no discretion - he'd lose his job if he didn't report him if he knew there was a warrant and I would never put him in the position of turning in his son. He was offered that option. If he ever wanted to come back, I would support him by going to court with him, but unless he wants to face the music, he's on his own. [/QUOTE]
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