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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 663767" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>When he calls again you could hear him out and see what he is thinking and feeling.</p><p></p><p>While I like Cedar's idea about the cab to work, it is not clear to me that he wants the job or to stay where he is. Why try to resurrect a job that he will sabotage the next day?</p><p></p><p>You know that my son tolerates very little dialog with me. I do not know if your son will openly talk.</p><p></p><p>If I imagine a conversation it would be this:</p><p></p><p>Mom, I don't like it here. There's nothing to do. The girl ___, ___, and ___. I do not want to be here.</p><p></p><p>Lil: What are your thoughts?</p><p></p><p>Son: I don't know Mom. Can I come home?</p><p></p><p>Lil: No. (I would say this, but it would be a mistake: Because of our circumstances which we have spelled out, that is not an option right now.)</p><p></p><p>Son: Why Mom?</p><p></p><p>Lil: The warrant, for one. What is your thinking about that?</p><p></p><p>Son: Mom, can you help me out with that, can you help me make an arrangement with the Court?</p><p></p><p>Lil: No. The window for that has closed. Legally, I see your options as ____, ____, or ____.</p><p></p><p>Son: I can't do any of those Mom.</p><p></p><p>Lil: Well, what are your options?</p><p></p><p>Son: I don't know, Mom. Can I come home?</p><p></p><p>Lil: No. With an active warrant, we are legally obligated to turn you into the police. Is that something you want?</p><p></p><p>Son: Duh, Mom. Would you?</p><p></p><p>Lil: Actually, yes. Because it will always be there until you face it.</p><p></p><p>Son: Well, I don't.</p><p></p><p>Lil: What options are you thinking about?</p><p></p><p>Son: I don't know, Mom. If you let me come home...I could go to the court and try to work it out.</p><p></p><p>Lil: No. That is not possible. The warrant has to be cleaned up first, before anything else can be discussed that involves us. </p><p></p><p>Son: Can I come home and we can work it out?</p><p></p><p>Lil: No. What are your options?</p><p></p><p>(I would not suggest options, except maybe the military, if you think that would work. But, remember, he does have them. See below.)</p><p></p><p>Remember, he will have a check forthcoming for the work he did do. Unless it is already promised to pay off debts with the people.</p><p></p><p>If he did have money for a bus ticket, he could go to a neighboring city, stay in a shelter, get free food and look for a job.</p><p></p><p>The only other option I can see is look for another job in the little town.</p><p></p><p>Of course, he could want the existing job, and be willing to maintain it if he could get a doctor's clearance. I just see no evidence he wants this. I would feel sad to see you pay good money after bad...for him to blow it. But then, I am the mother who just paid for a train ticket.</p><p></p><p>The thing is, there are no good options if he sabotages every one of them. The only one who can come up with a solution is him.</p><p></p><p>Your son must come up with one action, that he will pursue. He is really limited to either making his life worse and worse by trying to avoid the reality he himself created.</p><p></p><p>Or at any time he can face the music with the warrant. There are no other options. He needs to see this, and make his choice.</p><p></p><p>If he cannot come up with one option that he will do besides coming home, he and you have to stew more, I think.</p><p></p><p>It may take a long while and a lot of suffering for him to see that he has to take responsibility. Our job is to stick it out.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry, Lil (I would say Jabber here, but Jabber seems to do be doing good) this is happening. I wish it were easier for us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 663767, member: 18958"] When he calls again you could hear him out and see what he is thinking and feeling. While I like Cedar's idea about the cab to work, it is not clear to me that he wants the job or to stay where he is. Why try to resurrect a job that he will sabotage the next day? You know that my son tolerates very little dialog with me. I do not know if your son will openly talk. If I imagine a conversation it would be this: Mom, I don't like it here. There's nothing to do. The girl ___, ___, and ___. I do not want to be here. Lil: What are your thoughts? Son: I don't know Mom. Can I come home? Lil: No. (I would say this, but it would be a mistake: Because of our circumstances which we have spelled out, that is not an option right now.) Son: Why Mom? Lil: The warrant, for one. What is your thinking about that? Son: Mom, can you help me out with that, can you help me make an arrangement with the Court? Lil: No. The window for that has closed. Legally, I see your options as ____, ____, or ____. Son: I can't do any of those Mom. Lil: Well, what are your options? Son: I don't know, Mom. Can I come home? Lil: No. With an active warrant, we are legally obligated to turn you into the police. Is that something you want? Son: Duh, Mom. Would you? Lil: Actually, yes. Because it will always be there until you face it. Son: Well, I don't. Lil: What options are you thinking about? Son: I don't know, Mom. If you let me come home...I could go to the court and try to work it out. Lil: No. That is not possible. The warrant has to be cleaned up first, before anything else can be discussed that involves us. Son: Can I come home and we can work it out? Lil: No. What are your options? (I would not suggest options, except maybe the military, if you think that would work. But, remember, he does have them. See below.) Remember, he will have a check forthcoming for the work he did do. Unless it is already promised to pay off debts with the people. If he did have money for a bus ticket, he could go to a neighboring city, stay in a shelter, get free food and look for a job. The only other option I can see is look for another job in the little town. Of course, he could want the existing job, and be willing to maintain it if he could get a doctor's clearance. I just see no evidence he wants this. I would feel sad to see you pay good money after bad...for him to blow it. But then, I am the mother who just paid for a train ticket. The thing is, there are no good options if he sabotages every one of them. The only one who can come up with a solution is him. Your son must come up with one action, that he will pursue. He is really limited to either making his life worse and worse by trying to avoid the reality he himself created. Or at any time he can face the music with the warrant. There are no other options. He needs to see this, and make his choice. If he cannot come up with one option that he will do besides coming home, he and you have to stew more, I think. It may take a long while and a lot of suffering for him to see that he has to take responsibility. Our job is to stick it out. I am sorry, Lil (I would say Jabber here, but Jabber seems to do be doing good) this is happening. I wish it were easier for us. [/QUOTE]
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