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Long time lurker with difficult child...
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<blockquote data-quote="mstang67chic" data-source="post: 181688" data-attributes="member: 2459"><p>Kieran....welcome aboard and you are definately NOT alone. I flat out told my difficult child in counseling once that I had to love him (and I do) but I don't have to LIKE him. He looked at me like I told him the most horrid thing ever and then looked at the counselor. The counselor told him that yes, I can say that and yes, it's ok and true. </p><p></p><p>If we as parents don't do OUR job and provide the tools that our kids need...well that's one thing. But it's completely different when we give them all we can...counseling, therapy, medications if needed, support, encouragment, etc. and they choose to keep their heads buried where the sun doesn't shine.</p><p></p><p>My son has been in counseling for years, had anger management, group therapy for everything from anger to social skills....all of it. Support from various agencies, accomadations at school...the works. This kid has had so many opportunities to really work on everything that he CAN control (or at least learn to cope/deal with the things he can't) and he chooses to sit on his arse and watch cartoons. He did get a job last week but that's the biggest postive thing he's done probably ever. He wants everything handed to him, wants HIS way and if we have the gall to even attempt to enforce rules around here then we are awful people. Before he started his job, he wanted me to drive him to Taco Bell to fill out another app. He had access to husband's old bike....it isn't the best but it will do. He will not do things for himself and expects us to do everything for him so I told him to ride the bike. Lovely little hissy fit after that but he did it. (My favorite line from that fit was "what kind of mother are you?"....um...the kind that will make you independant if it kills us both.) And of course, he supposedly wrecked twice on the way there and I heard every detail but honestly I didn't care. He wasn't reallly hurt and he's got to do this himself. Plus, if he truly did wreck, it wouldn't surprise me if it was intentional so he would have something to "guilt" me with when he got home.</p><p></p><p>Back to my point....I think that if we do what we can and our kids refuse to do for themselves.....well they will just have to be miserable until they get off their duff's and take some control over their own lives. Don't feel guilty. You've done what you can...the rest is up to them. And no....I don't much like my difficult child now either. (And haven't for awhile. You're not alone in that either)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mstang67chic, post: 181688, member: 2459"] Kieran....welcome aboard and you are definately NOT alone. I flat out told my difficult child in counseling once that I had to love him (and I do) but I don't have to LIKE him. He looked at me like I told him the most horrid thing ever and then looked at the counselor. The counselor told him that yes, I can say that and yes, it's ok and true. If we as parents don't do OUR job and provide the tools that our kids need...well that's one thing. But it's completely different when we give them all we can...counseling, therapy, medications if needed, support, encouragment, etc. and they choose to keep their heads buried where the sun doesn't shine. My son has been in counseling for years, had anger management, group therapy for everything from anger to social skills....all of it. Support from various agencies, accomadations at school...the works. This kid has had so many opportunities to really work on everything that he CAN control (or at least learn to cope/deal with the things he can't) and he chooses to sit on his arse and watch cartoons. He did get a job last week but that's the biggest postive thing he's done probably ever. He wants everything handed to him, wants HIS way and if we have the gall to even attempt to enforce rules around here then we are awful people. Before he started his job, he wanted me to drive him to Taco Bell to fill out another app. He had access to husband's old bike....it isn't the best but it will do. He will not do things for himself and expects us to do everything for him so I told him to ride the bike. Lovely little hissy fit after that but he did it. (My favorite line from that fit was "what kind of mother are you?"....um...the kind that will make you independant if it kills us both.) And of course, he supposedly wrecked twice on the way there and I heard every detail but honestly I didn't care. He wasn't reallly hurt and he's got to do this himself. Plus, if he truly did wreck, it wouldn't surprise me if it was intentional so he would have something to "guilt" me with when he got home. Back to my point....I think that if we do what we can and our kids refuse to do for themselves.....well they will just have to be miserable until they get off their duff's and take some control over their own lives. Don't feel guilty. You've done what you can...the rest is up to them. And no....I don't much like my difficult child now either. (And haven't for awhile. You're not alone in that either) [/QUOTE]
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