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<blockquote data-quote="lovingmum96" data-source="post: 361633"><p>Hi Terry,</p><p> </p><p>thanks for sharing your ideas.</p><p> </p><p>I've been reading the defiant child, explosive child etc <sigh> for a number of years. DS is actually older (13, almost 6 feet). The reason we give in to difficult child, is that lately she seems to be spiraling more out of control and more violent (banding, shoving, pushing, intimidating using her size --). I've been spit on, thumped, (rarely, but more often now) but blocked from leaving the area or getting to where I want to go countless times (often followed when I want to leave the area, and even had my bedroom door lock picked once for her to gain access). For discipline I've done all kinds of things but mainly grounding or taking things away. Nothing seems to work. It used to be that she would feel some remorse, but not any more. She feels justified internally somehow. </p><p> </p><p>Screaming at me for something is practically a daily occurence. If she's not on a bad binge, she'll snap back to reality and apologize and that will be it. If not, we have a protracted battle for her to go to her room or downstairs to watch tv. The reason I found she was laughing and talking to friends (or complaining about me to her dad, which she does (he gave her the cell phone at age 8 and the court mandates I allow her to keep it -- )) was that she had threatened to jump out the window...we didn't think she was serious, but at the time she was very upset so I went to check on her. She's a button pusher and knows what makes us upset (and uses it ...)</p><p> </p><p>difficult child and ds spend long vacations with EX (1/2 summer) where he claims everything is fine (his wife moved out to a hotel after an argument with difficult child last long vacation so I hardly think that's accurate). by the way, the intimidating stuff difficult child does mirrors my EX -- </p><p> </p><p>I think that perhaps I'm using rigidity in a way that in confusing since I really don't think difficult child has Aspbergers (I could be wrong though --). What I mean by ridigity is that she doesn't like change of plan and the smallest requests (unpack diswasher, do homework, move your sock) can end up her screaming. She's very social and relies on her friends a lot (she's good at organizing people but tends to want to take over). Its' really impacting our health. I'm thinking more mood disorder and ODD but honestly I don't know. It would be so much easier just to difficult child go to EX but that won't help her in the long run. At least I don't think so. She screams that she doesn't want to live with me then asks me if I registered her at her school for next year. A therapist friend, who knows difficult child but does not treat her, is concerned about her distorted perception.</p><p> </p><p>it's so hard to talk about this -- I really believe difficult child is ill in some way and it's so hard to help her now that she believes I am the enemy. As I explained, I'm an educator and whle I get lots of hugs in the day from my charges (thank God), I miss my daughter.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="lovingmum96, post: 361633"] Hi Terry, thanks for sharing your ideas. I've been reading the defiant child, explosive child etc <sigh> for a number of years. DS is actually older (13, almost 6 feet). The reason we give in to difficult child, is that lately she seems to be spiraling more out of control and more violent (banding, shoving, pushing, intimidating using her size --). I've been spit on, thumped, (rarely, but more often now) but blocked from leaving the area or getting to where I want to go countless times (often followed when I want to leave the area, and even had my bedroom door lock picked once for her to gain access). For discipline I've done all kinds of things but mainly grounding or taking things away. Nothing seems to work. It used to be that she would feel some remorse, but not any more. She feels justified internally somehow. Screaming at me for something is practically a daily occurence. If she's not on a bad binge, she'll snap back to reality and apologize and that will be it. If not, we have a protracted battle for her to go to her room or downstairs to watch tv. The reason I found she was laughing and talking to friends (or complaining about me to her dad, which she does (he gave her the cell phone at age 8 and the court mandates I allow her to keep it -- )) was that she had threatened to jump out the window...we didn't think she was serious, but at the time she was very upset so I went to check on her. She's a button pusher and knows what makes us upset (and uses it ...) difficult child and ds spend long vacations with EX (1/2 summer) where he claims everything is fine (his wife moved out to a hotel after an argument with difficult child last long vacation so I hardly think that's accurate). by the way, the intimidating stuff difficult child does mirrors my EX -- I think that perhaps I'm using rigidity in a way that in confusing since I really don't think difficult child has Aspbergers (I could be wrong though --). What I mean by ridigity is that she doesn't like change of plan and the smallest requests (unpack diswasher, do homework, move your sock) can end up her screaming. She's very social and relies on her friends a lot (she's good at organizing people but tends to want to take over). Its' really impacting our health. I'm thinking more mood disorder and ODD but honestly I don't know. It would be so much easier just to difficult child go to EX but that won't help her in the long run. At least I don't think so. She screams that she doesn't want to live with me then asks me if I registered her at her school for next year. A therapist friend, who knows difficult child but does not treat her, is concerned about her distorted perception. it's so hard to talk about this -- I really believe difficult child is ill in some way and it's so hard to help her now that she believes I am the enemy. As I explained, I'm an educator and whle I get lots of hugs in the day from my charges (thank God), I miss my daughter. [/QUOTE]
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