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Looking past the behavior
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 276654" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Heather, I wouldn't take on difficult child 2 at this point. You already have your hands full.</p><p> </p><p>I've been thinking on this since you first brought it up.</p><p> </p><p>I can't recall when easy child came down with the mono. But I'm wondering if that was the beginning. He was sick quite a while. Which of course got him into trouble with school because he missed so much work. Work, by the way, which is really hard to make up in hs simply because of all the different classes and assignments. So then, he has the school riding his back to attend, teachers riding his back to turn in assignments, you trying to do the right Mom thing and get him to school and make up his work..........So then he could've begun to feel overwhelmed because not only is there missed work to make up, he has daily classwork to do too....and I imagine it would be tough since he missed so much and probably didn't know what was going on. So then what probably happened was he began milking the mono diagnosis every now and then in order to avoid school/teachers. Which of course got him in trouble with you. By then his problems were getting so huge that avoidance seemed better than being overwhelmed.</p><p> </p><p>Now he's got girlfriend getting ready to graduate without him and go off to college next fall. His friends are graduating. Which likely has him feeling like a dope, loser, and idiot, not to mention embarrassed for letting his problems bury him into a hole. He doesn't see a way out of his troubles. So he's POed at himself and everyone else within yelling distance.</p><p> </p><p>Actually, when I typed it all out there it sort of makes sense, most especially from a soon to be 18 yr old male's perspective.<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/faint.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":faint:" title="faint :faint:" data-shortname=":faint:" /></p><p> </p><p>If you could catch him in one of his better moments, maybe you could remind him that this started with the mono and being ill. Sure, it went down hill from there, but it's not like he set out to flunk out of his senior year in hs. </p><p> </p><p><strong>IF</strong> you can get him to have a normal conversation and he would be cooperative, I'd suggest and emergency meeting with his guidance counselor. Ok. So no way he can graduate in June. So? Find out exactly what classes he must have to graduate. Can those classes be taken in summer school or even first quarter of fall? Could he miraculously savage passing <strong>any</strong> of the classes by cramming for the finals? (the less he has to make up the better)</p><p> </p><p>Maybe if you can get him to see that yeah, ok, he messed up major, but a real man (might use that if you think it will work) faces up to his mistakes and does all he can to fix them.......He'll stop feeling like the whole world is ganging up on him.</p><p> </p><p>Cuz see, having been a difficult child.........and having thought of what you told me this past year has been like for him......at that age.....I'd have been so mad at myself, so frustrated, that I'd have felt like everyone was ganging up on me. Whether it was the truth or not.</p><p> </p><p>If he won't cooperate with the school........2nd option would be to check out the local community college for the GED test. He shouldn't need to even bother with the classes. At least then he'd have a diploma of sorts and can move forward.</p><p> </p><p>This is weird. Sort of reminds me of the first few months after Nichole discovered she was pregnant. She had so completely convinced herself that she had totally messed up her future, I had to lead her back to the reality that yes she'd made a huge mistake, but her future was as bright as any other kid's just different.</p><p> </p><p>You can give it a shot. But with the rip roaring attitude he's got going on right now......who knows. He may force your hand and half to figure it out the hard way.</p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 276654, member: 84"] Heather, I wouldn't take on difficult child 2 at this point. You already have your hands full. I've been thinking on this since you first brought it up. I can't recall when easy child came down with the mono. But I'm wondering if that was the beginning. He was sick quite a while. Which of course got him into trouble with school because he missed so much work. Work, by the way, which is really hard to make up in hs simply because of all the different classes and assignments. So then, he has the school riding his back to attend, teachers riding his back to turn in assignments, you trying to do the right Mom thing and get him to school and make up his work..........So then he could've begun to feel overwhelmed because not only is there missed work to make up, he has daily classwork to do too....and I imagine it would be tough since he missed so much and probably didn't know what was going on. So then what probably happened was he began milking the mono diagnosis every now and then in order to avoid school/teachers. Which of course got him in trouble with you. By then his problems were getting so huge that avoidance seemed better than being overwhelmed. Now he's got girlfriend getting ready to graduate without him and go off to college next fall. His friends are graduating. Which likely has him feeling like a dope, loser, and idiot, not to mention embarrassed for letting his problems bury him into a hole. He doesn't see a way out of his troubles. So he's POed at himself and everyone else within yelling distance. Actually, when I typed it all out there it sort of makes sense, most especially from a soon to be 18 yr old male's perspective.:knockedout: If you could catch him in one of his better moments, maybe you could remind him that this started with the mono and being ill. Sure, it went down hill from there, but it's not like he set out to flunk out of his senior year in hs. [B]IF[/B] you can get him to have a normal conversation and he would be cooperative, I'd suggest and emergency meeting with his guidance counselor. Ok. So no way he can graduate in June. So? Find out exactly what classes he must have to graduate. Can those classes be taken in summer school or even first quarter of fall? Could he miraculously savage passing [B]any[/B] of the classes by cramming for the finals? (the less he has to make up the better) Maybe if you can get him to see that yeah, ok, he messed up major, but a real man (might use that if you think it will work) faces up to his mistakes and does all he can to fix them.......He'll stop feeling like the whole world is ganging up on him. Cuz see, having been a difficult child.........and having thought of what you told me this past year has been like for him......at that age.....I'd have been so mad at myself, so frustrated, that I'd have felt like everyone was ganging up on me. Whether it was the truth or not. If he won't cooperate with the school........2nd option would be to check out the local community college for the GED test. He shouldn't need to even bother with the classes. At least then he'd have a diploma of sorts and can move forward. This is weird. Sort of reminds me of the first few months after Nichole discovered she was pregnant. She had so completely convinced herself that she had totally messed up her future, I had to lead her back to the reality that yes she'd made a huge mistake, but her future was as bright as any other kid's just different. You can give it a shot. But with the rip roaring attitude he's got going on right now......who knows. He may force your hand and half to figure it out the hard way. Hugs [/QUOTE]
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