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Lost my way-need advice!
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<blockquote data-quote="AnnieO" data-source="post: 498020" data-attributes="member: 6705"><p>Hello - and welcome!</p><p></p><p>How old is your son? Legally, it could make a difference. (Though I am guessing he is legally an adult?) HOWEVER - there are several of us here who have had to refuse to bring minor children home. So, you have definitely found the right place!</p><p></p><p>I agree that you need to find a new therapist. Anyone who pushes for a quick fix to a longstanding problem doesn't get it. And - part of you clearly DOES see your son as he is. I can't say what the reasons are for the way you act/feel, but as a victim of DV myself from my child, one of the biggest things you think is, "I'm supposed to take care of THEM, what happened?" And we try to fix them. We can't. It's hard to step back and say, "I can't do this. HE has to fix himself."</p><p></p><p>It's difficult NOT to blame yourself. But you have seen the enabling, and want to stop doing it. Again, not easy. Finding the courage - well, I'm struggling with a courage thing myself right now, but there is a seed somewhere in there - because you're here asking for help. You fear he will try to kill you. Find a DV shelter, and ask for help. They WILL give you ideas and pointers.</p><p></p><p>As for fearing his actions will harm him? Well... If he is indeed an adult, his choices have to result in consequences. If you are afraid of him, and it sounds like you are, you MUST let him make his own bad (and good) choices.</p><p></p><p>One thing you said: "it's like I'm abused by my son" - you ARE abused, if you ended up in ICU at his hands. And no, none of us imagine motherhood to be like this. Never. And... The younger son is at risk too... He needs protection just as much as you do.</p><p></p><p>Others will be along soon, with more insight... I just wanted to welcome you!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="AnnieO, post: 498020, member: 6705"] Hello - and welcome! How old is your son? Legally, it could make a difference. (Though I am guessing he is legally an adult?) HOWEVER - there are several of us here who have had to refuse to bring minor children home. So, you have definitely found the right place! I agree that you need to find a new therapist. Anyone who pushes for a quick fix to a longstanding problem doesn't get it. And - part of you clearly DOES see your son as he is. I can't say what the reasons are for the way you act/feel, but as a victim of DV myself from my child, one of the biggest things you think is, "I'm supposed to take care of THEM, what happened?" And we try to fix them. We can't. It's hard to step back and say, "I can't do this. HE has to fix himself." It's difficult NOT to blame yourself. But you have seen the enabling, and want to stop doing it. Again, not easy. Finding the courage - well, I'm struggling with a courage thing myself right now, but there is a seed somewhere in there - because you're here asking for help. You fear he will try to kill you. Find a DV shelter, and ask for help. They WILL give you ideas and pointers. As for fearing his actions will harm him? Well... If he is indeed an adult, his choices have to result in consequences. If you are afraid of him, and it sounds like you are, you MUST let him make his own bad (and good) choices. One thing you said: "it's like I'm abused by my son" - you ARE abused, if you ended up in ICU at his hands. And no, none of us imagine motherhood to be like this. Never. And... The younger son is at risk too... He needs protection just as much as you do. Others will be along soon, with more insight... I just wanted to welcome you! [/QUOTE]
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