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Lost my way-need advice!
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 498036"><p>I am so sorry you are going through this - but it sounds as though keeping him out is the right thing to do. Follow your head, please</p><p></p><p>I find these commandments helpful and they remind me of what I need to do - not only for myself but for my younger kids as well. I also think you should get in touch with a woman's abuse hotline for practical tips . {hugs}</p><p></p><p><strong><u><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'">Parents "Ten Commandments" for Breaking the Enabling Cycle</span></span></u></strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 12px">If you're enabling your adult child, Allison Bottke's "ten commandments" could help you break that negative pattern.</span></span></strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'">1. You shall take care of your own spiritual, mental, physical, emotional and financial health.</span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'">2. You shall remember to express love and attention to your spouse and other family members and friends in addition to your troubled adult child.</span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'">3. You shall not accept excuses.</span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'">4. You shall understand that a clear definition of right and wrong is imperative for a disciplined society. There is no room for gray. Don't make excuses for what you believe.</span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'">5. You shall make fact-based judgments without excuse, and feel okay doing so.</span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'">6. You shall uphold standards of behavior that protect your morals, values and integrity.</span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'">7. You shall give your adult child unconditional love and support without meddling and <strong>without money</strong>.</span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'">8. You shall listen to music and read books that will focus your mind on your HP.</span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'">9. You shall celebrate life and love as often as possible, even in times of trouble.</span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><span style="font-size: 12px">10. You shall consistently practice the six steps to SANITY:</span></span></strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><strong>S </strong>= Stop enabling, stop blaming yourself, and <strong>stop the flow of money</strong></span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><strong>A</strong> = Assemble a support group</span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><strong>N</strong> = Nip excuses in the bud</span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><strong>I</strong> = Implement boundaries</span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><strong>T</strong> = Trust your instincts</span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'"><strong>Y</strong> = Yield everything to God.</span></span></strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong><em><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Calibri'">Adapted from <u>Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Child</u> Study Guide. Copyright © 2008 by Allison Bottke.</span></span></em></strong></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 498036"] I am so sorry you are going through this - but it sounds as though keeping him out is the right thing to do. Follow your head, please I find these commandments helpful and they remind me of what I need to do - not only for myself but for my younger kids as well. I also think you should get in touch with a woman's abuse hotline for practical tips . {hugs} [B][U][SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Parents "Ten Commandments" for Breaking the Enabling Cycle[/FONT][/SIZE][/U] [FONT=Calibri][SIZE=3]If you're enabling your adult child, Allison Bottke's "ten commandments" could help you break that negative pattern.[/SIZE][/FONT] [SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]1. You shall take care of your own spiritual, mental, physical, emotional and financial health.[/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]2. You shall remember to express love and attention to your spouse and other family members and friends in addition to your troubled adult child.[/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]3. You shall not accept excuses.[/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]4. You shall understand that a clear definition of right and wrong is imperative for a disciplined society. There is no room for gray. Don't make excuses for what you believe.[/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]5. You shall make fact-based judgments without excuse, and feel okay doing so.[/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]6. You shall uphold standards of behavior that protect your morals, values and integrity.[/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]7. You shall give your adult child unconditional love and support without meddling and [B]without money[/B].[/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]8. You shall listen to music and read books that will focus your mind on your HP.[/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]9. You shall celebrate life and love as often as possible, even in times of trouble.[/FONT][/SIZE] [FONT=Calibri][SIZE=3]10. You shall consistently practice the six steps to SANITY:[/SIZE][/FONT] [SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri][B]S [/B]= Stop enabling, stop blaming yourself, and [B]stop the flow of money[/B][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri][B]A[/B] = Assemble a support group[/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri][B]N[/B] = Nip excuses in the bud[/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri][B]I[/B] = Implement boundaries[/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri][B]T[/B] = Trust your instincts[/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri][B]Y[/B] = Yield everything to God.[/FONT][/SIZE] [I][SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Adapted from [U]Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Child[/U] Study Guide. Copyright © 2008 by Allison Bottke.[/FONT][/SIZE][/I][/B] [/QUOTE]
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