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Parent Emeritus
Lost my way-need advice!
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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 498166" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>Welcome! I'm so sorry that you are in such pain. Truthfully I have never dealt with DV so I am not an expert nor can I use personal examples of correct methods to use. All I can do is guess..not exactly what you need at this point, lol.</p><p></p><p>From an outside perspective I absolutely agree that you need long term therapy as your issues have been bubbling for years. Are you using a DV counseling resource or an independent one? I would think the DV people would understand more but, of course, don't know for sure. There are no quick fixes for sure.</p><p></p><p>Although this input is generic I would think that you and your younger son need to have a united front to improve your future. He, no doubt, needs counseling also. in my humble opinion I think the two of your need to make a pact to change your lifestyle to a healthy one..together. If you both seek outside help and decide to "bite the bullet" and embrace health and peace I believe it will be much easier to let your son know why he is in jail that now is the time for him to plan his future as an adult. That way he will have time to analyze his past behaviors and accept that he is responsible for his future course. By seeking counsel and by studying "Detachment" (there is info on the Board that many of us have used to help separate from our kids behaviors) you are far more likely to be able to move on. </p><p></p><p>Once "coming home again" is off the table, you and your younger son seek help and reach agreement, you will likely feel strong enough to return to AA and your son can attend Alanon so you can both practice the tenets of the Serenity Prayer. Many of us repeat that daily..even those of us how have no alcohol issues. It simplifies choices and offers the chance of living a serene life. Sending caring hugs your way. DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 498166, member: 35"] Welcome! I'm so sorry that you are in such pain. Truthfully I have never dealt with DV so I am not an expert nor can I use personal examples of correct methods to use. All I can do is guess..not exactly what you need at this point, lol. From an outside perspective I absolutely agree that you need long term therapy as your issues have been bubbling for years. Are you using a DV counseling resource or an independent one? I would think the DV people would understand more but, of course, don't know for sure. There are no quick fixes for sure. Although this input is generic I would think that you and your younger son need to have a united front to improve your future. He, no doubt, needs counseling also. in my humble opinion I think the two of your need to make a pact to change your lifestyle to a healthy one..together. If you both seek outside help and decide to "bite the bullet" and embrace health and peace I believe it will be much easier to let your son know why he is in jail that now is the time for him to plan his future as an adult. That way he will have time to analyze his past behaviors and accept that he is responsible for his future course. By seeking counsel and by studying "Detachment" (there is info on the Board that many of us have used to help separate from our kids behaviors) you are far more likely to be able to move on. Once "coming home again" is off the table, you and your younger son seek help and reach agreement, you will likely feel strong enough to return to AA and your son can attend Alanon so you can both practice the tenets of the Serenity Prayer. Many of us repeat that daily..even those of us how have no alcohol issues. It simplifies choices and offers the chance of living a serene life. Sending caring hugs your way. DDD [/QUOTE]
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