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Lost my way-need advice!
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<blockquote data-quote="blackgnat" data-source="post: 498182" data-attributes="member: 13561"><p>Thank you so much for all the wonderful and supportive replies. We both need help but I think it's very unhealthy for us to live together. I love him very much and my mother heart tells me I need to make sure he is okay, but again, the person he become when he drinks is not the one I love . I'm sure family counselling, done in a VERY truthful way (i used to lie to counsellors to cover and protect him-ugh....unbelievable!) would be beneficial, but he needs to find his own way and become a man who copes with life's problems in a productive way and not rely on me to haul him out of unpleasant or dangerous situations. I think he has a true fear of abandonment and the unhealthy part of me is tortured that I am doing this very thing to him. I'm ignoring the danger. I think probably DV counselling would be very good for me and of course, complete abstinence from alcohol.... </p><p></p><p>As I type this, I realise that I again am focussing so much on HIS problems instead of trying to make myself healthy....wish I could unlock the key that makes my brain follow these thought patterns. I did grow up with a schizophrenic brother and perhaps my actions reflect this, the coping skils I had to practice as a teeenager and of course the inevitable sinking into the bottle to escape the horrors at home. And here history seems to be repeating itself!</p><p></p><p>Despite this, I really am a happy person, optimistic, resilient, kind, loving with a great sense of humour and care for others-not bigging myself up here,, just don't want to come across as a complete sad sack! Lots of faults too, of course! My home is in foreclosure and I have a lot of stressors so maybe I just need to address what I can and leave the rest to the powers that be...</p><p></p><p>Again, thanks for all replies and support! Worth their weight in gold!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="blackgnat, post: 498182, member: 13561"] Thank you so much for all the wonderful and supportive replies. We both need help but I think it's very unhealthy for us to live together. I love him very much and my mother heart tells me I need to make sure he is okay, but again, the person he become when he drinks is not the one I love . I'm sure family counselling, done in a VERY truthful way (i used to lie to counsellors to cover and protect him-ugh....unbelievable!) would be beneficial, but he needs to find his own way and become a man who copes with life's problems in a productive way and not rely on me to haul him out of unpleasant or dangerous situations. I think he has a true fear of abandonment and the unhealthy part of me is tortured that I am doing this very thing to him. I'm ignoring the danger. I think probably DV counselling would be very good for me and of course, complete abstinence from alcohol.... As I type this, I realise that I again am focussing so much on HIS problems instead of trying to make myself healthy....wish I could unlock the key that makes my brain follow these thought patterns. I did grow up with a schizophrenic brother and perhaps my actions reflect this, the coping skils I had to practice as a teeenager and of course the inevitable sinking into the bottle to escape the horrors at home. And here history seems to be repeating itself! Despite this, I really am a happy person, optimistic, resilient, kind, loving with a great sense of humour and care for others-not bigging myself up here,, just don't want to come across as a complete sad sack! Lots of faults too, of course! My home is in foreclosure and I have a lot of stressors so maybe I just need to address what I can and leave the rest to the powers that be... Again, thanks for all replies and support! Worth their weight in gold! [/QUOTE]
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