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Lost my way-need advice!
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<blockquote data-quote="DammitJanet" data-source="post: 498186" data-attributes="member: 1514"><p>Hello blackgnat. I am so sorry you have to find our board under such bad circumstances. </p><p></p><p>I want to say some prophetic words that will help you but I really dont have any. I can tell you that I have felt like you for various reasons over the years. No my son never physically abused me but he knew how to manipulate me so I became completely enmeshed with him and it became a really twisted thing where when he was happy, I was happy and when he wasnt- neither was I. I had to work on fixing that. It wasnt easy by any means. He sure didnt like it! </p><p></p><p>You simply cannot let anyone back into your home that has abused you. That is a given. Doesnt matter if that person is your partner, parent, child, or a stranger. You press charges and you get an order of protection to tell him he cant come back there. </p><p></p><p>Both me and my son are bipolar and I have Borderline (BPD). It doesnt give us a pass on acting like this. Actually neither of us are this violent. </p><p></p><p>As far as how to tell him..do it while he is in jail so if he goes off, it is while he is locked up. Make sure he fully understands that he cannot come home and you can have the domestic violence people help you file the order of protection. Then make sure that you have changed all your locks. Dont go anywhere without a cell phone on you. If he tries to break into your home, call the cops. Tell the cops when he gets out that you would like them to do extra drive by's just to keep your mind at ease. If he comes out of jail he should be either on bail or on ROR and if he attempts to contact you he will go back to jail. After that, you really need to work with a good therapist who understands what it means to be a victim of abuse. It really matters not who has done the abuse to you. Many people have looked at me skeptically when I have said that my mother abused me sexually. That sounds strange I guess. I actually didnt consider it sexual abuse myself until I had a therapist sit me down and tell me that what she did was wrong and considered sexual abuse. If a man had done it to me he would have been under the jail. You need a therapist like that.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DammitJanet, post: 498186, member: 1514"] Hello blackgnat. I am so sorry you have to find our board under such bad circumstances. I want to say some prophetic words that will help you but I really dont have any. I can tell you that I have felt like you for various reasons over the years. No my son never physically abused me but he knew how to manipulate me so I became completely enmeshed with him and it became a really twisted thing where when he was happy, I was happy and when he wasnt- neither was I. I had to work on fixing that. It wasnt easy by any means. He sure didnt like it! You simply cannot let anyone back into your home that has abused you. That is a given. Doesnt matter if that person is your partner, parent, child, or a stranger. You press charges and you get an order of protection to tell him he cant come back there. Both me and my son are bipolar and I have Borderline (BPD). It doesnt give us a pass on acting like this. Actually neither of us are this violent. As far as how to tell him..do it while he is in jail so if he goes off, it is while he is locked up. Make sure he fully understands that he cannot come home and you can have the domestic violence people help you file the order of protection. Then make sure that you have changed all your locks. Dont go anywhere without a cell phone on you. If he tries to break into your home, call the cops. Tell the cops when he gets out that you would like them to do extra drive by's just to keep your mind at ease. If he comes out of jail he should be either on bail or on ROR and if he attempts to contact you he will go back to jail. After that, you really need to work with a good therapist who understands what it means to be a victim of abuse. It really matters not who has done the abuse to you. Many people have looked at me skeptically when I have said that my mother abused me sexually. That sounds strange I guess. I actually didnt consider it sexual abuse myself until I had a therapist sit me down and tell me that what she did was wrong and considered sexual abuse. If a man had done it to me he would have been under the jail. You need a therapist like that. [/QUOTE]
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