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Lost my way-need advice!
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 498871" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am sending lots of hugs. You have gotten awesome advice. </p><p></p><p>PLEASE go to aa meetings. It is HARD. You can do it though. You did it before and that doesn't make it easier but it does let you know that it is POSSIBLE. </p><p></p><p>PLEASE call or go to the local Domestic Violence office and make an appointment to talk to someone. Then keep that appointment. If you can't get that first appointment before your son is released, tell them that your abuser is in jail but will be out and you need help NOW to figure out how to apply for the order of protection.</p><p></p><p>You would not let some stranger treat a DOG the way your son is treating you. You have to figure out why you are letting him treat you this way. You have to figure out how to detach in a healthy way. Use the courts to help by putting that order of protection between you. It isn't that you want him in jail. It is that you want him to go and figure out how to solve his problems, you want to live a life free of abuse of self and abuse from others, you want the same for him but you know that YOU are powerless to help him that way. Only he has that power. You have to end his power over you. Kicking him out will FEEL like an unloving and selfish act. Reality is that it is a VERY loving act - and I don't give a hoot what others tell you. I know I am right. I know that until you love him enough to make him live the uncomfortable, painful life of his choices of violence and addiction, he won't change. You must love him enough to set limits and to make him feel the pain. That pain will be the ONLY thing that will get him to agree to change and to stick wtih that decision through the awful detox period and the even harder period of choosing every day to be sober and drug free. </p><p></p><p>To ANYONE who tells you that you should take him home, that you are not loving, that you are mean, etc..... I want you to have a picture of a 10 foot tall Bill the Cat sticking hsi tongue out and saying "ACK. PHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!" so loud that you cannot hear their stupidity. Yup. I know how odd that picture in your head will be. It will be distracting. Maybe even childish. It will distract you from the stupidity they are spewing. They want so bad for you to take him home? Why you? Why not them? Why should they not live with a full grown adult size toddler having a rage because he cannot get to their medications/booze/drug of choice? Why don't THEY take him and let him beat them for a while? I am pretty sure they won't think much of that idea. So they need to shut. up. </p><p></p><p>I know that is blunt. I also know there are a LOT of stupid people out there. Lots of them have college degrees and are working as psychologists. It doesn't make them not stupid. It makes them educated stupid. It also doesn't mean you should listen to them. be super choosy about the tdocs you work with. You want someone who has worked with addiction, family violence, and common sense. I was lucky because in high school I realized that this super messed up kid I knew was the child of a psychologist who wrote textbooks including one on how to parent teens. This boy was way past messed up - he was dumb enough to stalk the daughter of a state trooper and to fill his room with photos of her he took when she didn't know - from cameras he bought with his moms credit card and hid in her bedroom and from telephoto lenses that he put up to their home. WHen his home was raided the cops were sickened. It was BAD. His mother actually tried to tell the judge that she knew he was healthy and this was just a healthy teenage relationship. The judge had her put under professional supervision and got the local university to stop letting her supervise grad students who were doing therapy because she was just so far from healthy in every way. He was able to do that because seh went and got in his face in the court and had to be restrained and sent to a psychiatric hospital because she insisted her son was fine and perfect and it was the girl's fault. </p><p></p><p>I learned then that many people are attracted to the field of psychology as a profession because they are really messed up and need help - but they don't always get it or accept it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 498871, member: 1233"] I am sending lots of hugs. You have gotten awesome advice. PLEASE go to aa meetings. It is HARD. You can do it though. You did it before and that doesn't make it easier but it does let you know that it is POSSIBLE. PLEASE call or go to the local Domestic Violence office and make an appointment to talk to someone. Then keep that appointment. If you can't get that first appointment before your son is released, tell them that your abuser is in jail but will be out and you need help NOW to figure out how to apply for the order of protection. You would not let some stranger treat a DOG the way your son is treating you. You have to figure out why you are letting him treat you this way. You have to figure out how to detach in a healthy way. Use the courts to help by putting that order of protection between you. It isn't that you want him in jail. It is that you want him to go and figure out how to solve his problems, you want to live a life free of abuse of self and abuse from others, you want the same for him but you know that YOU are powerless to help him that way. Only he has that power. You have to end his power over you. Kicking him out will FEEL like an unloving and selfish act. Reality is that it is a VERY loving act - and I don't give a hoot what others tell you. I know I am right. I know that until you love him enough to make him live the uncomfortable, painful life of his choices of violence and addiction, he won't change. You must love him enough to set limits and to make him feel the pain. That pain will be the ONLY thing that will get him to agree to change and to stick wtih that decision through the awful detox period and the even harder period of choosing every day to be sober and drug free. To ANYONE who tells you that you should take him home, that you are not loving, that you are mean, etc..... I want you to have a picture of a 10 foot tall Bill the Cat sticking hsi tongue out and saying "ACK. PHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!" so loud that you cannot hear their stupidity. Yup. I know how odd that picture in your head will be. It will be distracting. Maybe even childish. It will distract you from the stupidity they are spewing. They want so bad for you to take him home? Why you? Why not them? Why should they not live with a full grown adult size toddler having a rage because he cannot get to their medications/booze/drug of choice? Why don't THEY take him and let him beat them for a while? I am pretty sure they won't think much of that idea. So they need to shut. up. I know that is blunt. I also know there are a LOT of stupid people out there. Lots of them have college degrees and are working as psychologists. It doesn't make them not stupid. It makes them educated stupid. It also doesn't mean you should listen to them. be super choosy about the tdocs you work with. You want someone who has worked with addiction, family violence, and common sense. I was lucky because in high school I realized that this super messed up kid I knew was the child of a psychologist who wrote textbooks including one on how to parent teens. This boy was way past messed up - he was dumb enough to stalk the daughter of a state trooper and to fill his room with photos of her he took when she didn't know - from cameras he bought with his moms credit card and hid in her bedroom and from telephoto lenses that he put up to their home. WHen his home was raided the cops were sickened. It was BAD. His mother actually tried to tell the judge that she knew he was healthy and this was just a healthy teenage relationship. The judge had her put under professional supervision and got the local university to stop letting her supervise grad students who were doing therapy because she was just so far from healthy in every way. He was able to do that because seh went and got in his face in the court and had to be restrained and sent to a psychiatric hospital because she insisted her son was fine and perfect and it was the girl's fault. I learned then that many people are attracted to the field of psychology as a profession because they are really messed up and need help - but they don't always get it or accept it. [/QUOTE]
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