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Lost my way-need advice!
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 498874"><p>Blackgnat....First off hugs... it is an awful position to be in to have your son abusing you while you just love him and want to help him. I do know something about DV and I can tell you that many more people deal with DV from their children than anyone is aware of. There are many people that go to court and have to get restraining orders against their children and it is just heartbreaking... much much harder than getting one against a spouse. So you are not alone on that score and yes I agree calling a DV agency is a good idea.</p><p></p><p>And as others have said, your first order of business is to find recovery for yourself. So yes get to AA to help with your own addiction. Get counseling to figure out how to let go of your son and let him find his own way. Alanon can be a huge help especially if you can find a parents group and meet other parents (live) who area also facing this.</p><p></p><p>As far as telling your son not to live with you. It is plain and simple... it is dangerous for him to live with you. For you and also for him. You do not want him to have more assault (or worse) charges against him and that is very likely if he comes back home. The other thing is by letting him come back after he badly assaulted you is sending him a message that what he did was not so bad and at some level is acceptable. I know you don't feel it is... but that is the message you give him if you let him come home. </p><p></p><p>And I know prison seems like the worst thing a mother can bear... I had a very very hard time when my son (19 at the time) spent two weeks in jail. But it is not the worst thing... at least there they are alive and getting fed and have a place to sleep. Hopefully when he gets out they will work with him on finding a halfway house or some other place to go other than home. I would tell him while he is in jail and has some time left, that home is not an option. Just not an option... there should be a case manager at the prison to help him figure out options from there.</p><p></p><p>I have posted more over in the substance abuse forum... but I just got through a week of letting my son live on the street and sleep on the beach until he could get himself back into the sober house he got kicked out of. It was hard, very hard, but I realized if I rescued him again from his mistake and relapse it would just happen again. So I did not. And I will also admit I did not start off in this place... it took some work and time and counseling and alanon to get to the place where i could do it. However my son did make it back to the sober house and so now it is absolutely clear to me it was the right thing to do.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 498874"] Blackgnat....First off hugs... it is an awful position to be in to have your son abusing you while you just love him and want to help him. I do know something about DV and I can tell you that many more people deal with DV from their children than anyone is aware of. There are many people that go to court and have to get restraining orders against their children and it is just heartbreaking... much much harder than getting one against a spouse. So you are not alone on that score and yes I agree calling a DV agency is a good idea. And as others have said, your first order of business is to find recovery for yourself. So yes get to AA to help with your own addiction. Get counseling to figure out how to let go of your son and let him find his own way. Alanon can be a huge help especially if you can find a parents group and meet other parents (live) who area also facing this. As far as telling your son not to live with you. It is plain and simple... it is dangerous for him to live with you. For you and also for him. You do not want him to have more assault (or worse) charges against him and that is very likely if he comes back home. The other thing is by letting him come back after he badly assaulted you is sending him a message that what he did was not so bad and at some level is acceptable. I know you don't feel it is... but that is the message you give him if you let him come home. And I know prison seems like the worst thing a mother can bear... I had a very very hard time when my son (19 at the time) spent two weeks in jail. But it is not the worst thing... at least there they are alive and getting fed and have a place to sleep. Hopefully when he gets out they will work with him on finding a halfway house or some other place to go other than home. I would tell him while he is in jail and has some time left, that home is not an option. Just not an option... there should be a case manager at the prison to help him figure out options from there. I have posted more over in the substance abuse forum... but I just got through a week of letting my son live on the street and sleep on the beach until he could get himself back into the sober house he got kicked out of. It was hard, very hard, but I realized if I rescued him again from his mistake and relapse it would just happen again. So I did not. And I will also admit I did not start off in this place... it took some work and time and counseling and alanon to get to the place where i could do it. However my son did make it back to the sober house and so now it is absolutely clear to me it was the right thing to do. TL [/QUOTE]
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