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Lost my way-need advice!
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 498929" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Hello. I relate strongly to your words. My daughter is presently in jail, homeless, angry and alone. It's a mothers nightmare, I understand where you are, and yes, it is the hardest thing to go through. Not one of us ever thought this would be the outcome for our children, our precious babies. But, they are not our babies anymore, they are adults making choices, making bad choices because of drugs or mental illness or addictions, but bad choices nonetheless. You are a person deserving of safety, peace, love, success, joy, health and a life of fulfillment. You do not deserve this. I enabled my daughter too, I felt guilty for her choices, I've paid huge prices for the life she has chosen. My therapist told me the opportunity to let go comes quickly usually, a moment comes, you see it all clearly, you shift some internal belief and you're in a different place. That's how it happened for me. It sounds as if you are very close the that place, just in need of some energy to kick you over the edge and here we are kicking you over the edge. You have to keep yourself safe for yourself first and foremost, and then for your younger son, he doesn't deserve this either. I've learned that codependency is a "trance" that we all go into, you need to break that trance, I had to do that too. As soon as I heard that word, I knew that was the truth, so recognize that, and when you have to deal with him again, DO NOT go into that trance, stay awake, make a different choice, He has to be kept away from you, and your other son. And, I agree with others too, you may consider getting into CoDa and AA and get a sponsor, I have so much help now, I need it to stay out of the trance, to keep strong, to do this terrifyingly difficult thing, to allow my daughter to stay in jail when I could bail her out, but I am not. Why? Because all the enabling did not help at all. Because she has to stand up for herself now, maybe that will make her grow up and face life. Because I have a granddaughter who needs me whole and complete to be there for her. Because I have to love my daughter enough to let her go into her own life, not the life I think she should have. Because I love myself. Because it feels right. Because sometimes it's simply time to let go. My heart hurts for you, but I also think you are at a crossroads, like I have just been, and you know it on some level, you just need some support to make the choice you already seem to have made internally, but you haven't yet done it out here in the real world. But, you know in your heart, it's time. I knew too. I am sending you hugs, prayers, kind thoughts and another wounded mothers very best wishes for your heart to heal. You are on the right track talking to the right people, trust your instincts, trust your heart, you know what to do. We all know what to do, its doing it that's the heart-breaker. You're strong, you know what the right thing to do for you and your younger child is. God Bless you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 498929, member: 13542"] Hello. I relate strongly to your words. My daughter is presently in jail, homeless, angry and alone. It's a mothers nightmare, I understand where you are, and yes, it is the hardest thing to go through. Not one of us ever thought this would be the outcome for our children, our precious babies. But, they are not our babies anymore, they are adults making choices, making bad choices because of drugs or mental illness or addictions, but bad choices nonetheless. You are a person deserving of safety, peace, love, success, joy, health and a life of fulfillment. You do not deserve this. I enabled my daughter too, I felt guilty for her choices, I've paid huge prices for the life she has chosen. My therapist told me the opportunity to let go comes quickly usually, a moment comes, you see it all clearly, you shift some internal belief and you're in a different place. That's how it happened for me. It sounds as if you are very close the that place, just in need of some energy to kick you over the edge and here we are kicking you over the edge. You have to keep yourself safe for yourself first and foremost, and then for your younger son, he doesn't deserve this either. I've learned that codependency is a "trance" that we all go into, you need to break that trance, I had to do that too. As soon as I heard that word, I knew that was the truth, so recognize that, and when you have to deal with him again, DO NOT go into that trance, stay awake, make a different choice, He has to be kept away from you, and your other son. And, I agree with others too, you may consider getting into CoDa and AA and get a sponsor, I have so much help now, I need it to stay out of the trance, to keep strong, to do this terrifyingly difficult thing, to allow my daughter to stay in jail when I could bail her out, but I am not. Why? Because all the enabling did not help at all. Because she has to stand up for herself now, maybe that will make her grow up and face life. Because I have a granddaughter who needs me whole and complete to be there for her. Because I have to love my daughter enough to let her go into her own life, not the life I think she should have. Because I love myself. Because it feels right. Because sometimes it's simply time to let go. My heart hurts for you, but I also think you are at a crossroads, like I have just been, and you know it on some level, you just need some support to make the choice you already seem to have made internally, but you haven't yet done it out here in the real world. But, you know in your heart, it's time. I knew too. I am sending you hugs, prayers, kind thoughts and another wounded mothers very best wishes for your heart to heal. You are on the right track talking to the right people, trust your instincts, trust your heart, you know what to do. We all know what to do, its doing it that's the heart-breaker. You're strong, you know what the right thing to do for you and your younger child is. God Bless you. [/QUOTE]
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