Lurker no more

[pepsichic9115]

Well Im not really sure where to begin.

My difficult child is my 10 year old daughter. She was the sweetest, easiest baby ever. Not so much as an unnecessary cry from her. It seems like shortly after her first birthday she quit sleeping. And it just got worse from there.

She has always been a very negative child, nothing ever made her happy. She has irrational fears of EVERYTHING (wont use the bathroom with the door closed, wont stay in any room if the door is not open, worries about everything).

In first grade we had some issues at school--she would refuse to do her work. I had meeting after meeting with her teacher and it never seemed to get any better.

Everything was fine in 2nd and 3rd grade. 4th has been the worst year yet. She is in in-school suspension on almost a weekly basis, usually for insubordination. She was suspended out-of-school the last week of April because she had been in trouble so much during that month that there were no other options (or so the school claims).

She sees a counselor right now. The intake worker for the counseling agency diagnosed her ODD with anxiety. She sees her counselor every 2 weeks.

We have constant battles at home. Well almost constant---every so often she has good days. Days when I wonder what happened to my difficult child because its like having a whole new child in the house. She is helpful, moderately happy, and nice. The downfall to this is she talks, and talks, and talks non-stop!!!!

Our battles range from asking her to complete a simple task and she goes into meltdown mode. She starts with huffing as she walks away, mumbling under her breath. When you repeat the request she breaks down in tears and starts in with how unfair her life is and what a horrible person I (or her Dad) is. Her trigger could be something so simple as her brother or sister walking by and saying something to her---she will hit/push/pinch them. When confronted about it, she denies it. Nothing that she does is her fault. She lies about everything!!!

She was just referred to a Child Psychologist but we do not have an appointment yet. I cant wait to meet with them--I want to have her further evaluated because I do not think ODD is the true problem. Or at least not the only problem.

Im sure I could go on for a lot longer--but I will stop now as this is already long enough. Please ask any questions and I will answer them to the best of my ability.

 

[daralex]

Hopefully a "better" diagnosis will help. For me it's all like alphabet soup - ODD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), ADD, etc. What I have learned and continue to learn is how to cope - how to deal with the symptoms. It's a rough road. but with the right tools and skills it does get easier (most days!). Sorry your having such a hard time right now. Glad you posted - glad you are no longer lurking!! I'm sure others will come along and give great advice. This is a wonderful supportive atmosphere and has become the core of my sanity. Hang in there!!!

Dara

 

[BusynMember]

Hi there and welcome.

Have you considered a neuropsychologist? Their testing and evaluating is probably (in my opinion) the best you can get. Regular psychologists, not so much. They don't usually test.

ODD, most of us feel, isn't a very useful diagnosis. It rarely stands alone anyway and is usually a manifestation of a bigger disorder. Any psychiatric problems or substance abuse on either side of the child's family tree? Any Aspergers or other neurological issues? How was her early development? Does she understand how to socialize with her same age peers or is she socially clueless?

Good people come here. I'm sure you'll get more help. You may want to do a signature like I did below.

 

[pepsichic9115]

Hi there and welcome.

Have you considered a neuropsychologist? Their testing and evaluating is probably (in my opinion) the best you can get. Regular psychologists, not so much. They don't usually test.

ODD, most of us feel, isn't a very useful diagnosis. It rarely stands alone anyway and is usually a manifestation of a bigger disorder. Any psychiatric problems or substance abuse on either side of the child's family tree? Any Aspergers or other neurological issues? How was her early development? Does she understand how to socialize with her same age peers or is she socially clueless?

I dont know where to find a neuropsychologist. I will have to look into that and see what I can find.

There is an extensive family history of BiPolar (BP) on Dad's side of the family. I have some anxiety--but not enough that I feel I need medication for it.

Her early development was great. She was right on target.

She DOES NOT socialize well. She is very bossy and gets angry if everyone doesnt do things her way. Some days she reports that she has lots of friends, but most days she will say she has no friends. She is very mean--she thinks it is funny to do things to people that are hurtful or annoying.

I have been lurking for several months and have always found this site helpful. Thank you!!!

 

[gcvmom]

Whatever the diagnosis, I am finding that kids with executive function deficits (which can be the case in many disorders) are often the ones who balk or melt down when asked to do something that seems simple to US. Often they are just overwhelmed with how to go about doing something -- their brain just cannot figure out how to organize what they need to do. This results in the part of their brain that regulates emotions getting amped up and the ensuing meltdown. I just attended a seminar that talked about how to get these kids to connect to the part of their brain that does the problem solving so that the emotional part doesn't take over. It takes a lot of work, but for many of our kids it is essential if they are to ever function independently.

Getting a correct diagnosis is the first step you'll need to take, because if your child needs medication support, that will lay the foundation for being able to work on the behavioral aspects. Without stability, there can be no growth in my opinion.

You can find a neuropsychologist at major teaching hospitals or children's hospitals. Check with your insurance company and they may be able to tell you who's close-by in your network. If you need a referral, start with her pediatrician and explain what's going on. The sooner you get these issues addressed, the sooner she can start functioning better in all areas of her life.

 

[busywend]

I agree with an evaluation with a neuropsychologist. Just call your pediatrician for a referral.

Has your daughter ever had any rituals? An example, has to turn off a light 3 times before entering the room.
Did she have any sensory issues? Like not want to wear socks or the tags in her shirt bothered her.

There are many things you deal with every day that could help a neuropsychologist figure out your difficult child. Start writing them down.