Hi and welcome,
Mstang has given you some very good advice. Wanna know how she knows? Wanna know how I know it's good advice? Yeah....well you're not alone any more. Welcome to a great place to not be judged, get advice, stop feeling like you're the only parent you know who has a kid that does 'stuff' like your kid does, stop feeling like you adopted a child that was dropped off by an alien space craft or beamed up by one and dropped back off to you, stop wondering how YOU, a wonderful parent could be parenting a child who has just plum lost it's mind, stop wondering what you did wrong.....right now. We're here. We get it. You're not crazy. (okay mostly)
At the very least you're among good company who understands and honestly can't be shocked.
So......Mstang said lock up things. Isn't that weird? In your own home huh? Makes you angry doesn't it?? Well there are two kinds of angry I think with these kids. Either the kind of angry like you had last night where you wake up and you've been violated and your stuff is gone. Or the kind of angry where you're just fed up for about another (when did you say he's 18 and legal?) few months and your home becomes your virtual and literal fortress, and you lock up everything you can because your kid can't be trusted to even be in the house while you're in the bathroom for 5 minutes and you lock up your own bedroom door. Oh and get GOOD locks - like HASP locks and master locks with a key - because those dinky door locks like you get at Kmart? (A JOKE) - mine broke a DVD in 1/2 and used it to 'jimmy' the door.....(master lockpicker that one). Or they leave your windows unlocked but down - and you leave and then they jump in the windows, or they find your spare keys, and hide them from YOU, or they find your spare keys and the next time they're out they make their own set and return yours. Heck - I put a lock on my shed and my son REMOVED THE HINGES....so now all my doors have internal hinges. Yeah - he was.....15. And they also learn how to slide their library cards between the cracks of the windows to open the locks.....so now all my windows have bars in them. And I have a safe. And I mean - the list goes on and on.
I have a locking gas cap too - Got tired of running out of gas on a 4 land freeway......(FUN)
I mean - I could tell you stories that you're just beginning to get into and this is what we're here for - to LEVEL HIS PLAYING FIELD. So if you think that the things we're telling you are "it won't happen to us" kind of things - GUESS again. Investing in one of those bars for your steering wheel may work - but if he's getting your keys for the car? where would you keep the key for that? You get complacent - and they wait for that...believe me - they're masters at waiting. WE get tired.....and they take FULL advantage of that. From here on out the best advice I can give you is to know -
YOU ARE LIVING WITH A COMPLETE STRANGER.......and treat your son as such. Lock it when you leave it? You'll find it where you left it - if you take the keys with you. GET A SAFE....and make it one he cant' carry. Also - from here on out - tell yourself anything that he tells you is a lie. Let him work his way back from that minute by minute. Every time he lies again - tell yourself again - EVERYTHING HE TELLS ME IS A LIE. (repeat) If he manages to tell you some truth in there? Good for him....let him keep practicing. Build on it.
As far as the medicine? Well, you can probably kiss that good bye. After a lifetime of taking them and feeling like an outcast in school anyway? I can't blame them for not wanting to take them. People put too much stock in "this pill will work" and blaming the pills when they don't. They can help him with his moods, but HE had to do the work and didn't. He chose not to. Just like he's choosing to steal your car, steal your credit card, break curfew.
I really would do like Mstang says - and lay it out cold for him -
DEBIT CARD GONE? -------calling the cops.
STEALING OUR CAR? .........calling the cops.
If you cant get help FROM the law.......then you need to make the law work FOR you. Each time under the age of 17 you call the law? You are creating a paper trail. Eventually THAT paper trail will get you into family court where you can file a petition of incorrigibility and talk to a judge about getting your son put somewhere OUT of your home. You want to get this done ASAP....because after 18.....they don't care. They're basically adults as far as the courts are concerned at 15 years 9 months and holding for 3 months in jail.
Be aware of your states laws regarding tossing him out on the street too - you can be held accountable for his actions in some states until he's 21 - It may be worth a call to an attorney for a consult just to see where you stand legally as parents.
I'm sorry it's come to this - but you really need to know your rights - because if it ever does get that far and I really hope it doesn't - you need to have done your homework NOW.
Hugs - welcome
Star