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<blockquote data-quote="Steely" data-source="post: 195785" data-attributes="member: 3301"><p>WOW Janet........that is impactful. It is exactly what I need. To be in touch with reality, somehow.</p><p></p><p>I love Finding Nemo........my favorite movie. Just keep swimming.</p><p></p><p>My whole house as a spa, there is novel concept. First it would need to be clean, maybe I need to hire a maid, first.</p><p></p><p>And yes, I have 3 beautiful dogs, that I often sit and love on. In fact last night when I awoke in the middle of the night to a full blown anxiety attack, one of them jumped up next to me, curled around my back, and amazingly my breathing started to calm.</p><p></p><p>I have talked to my counselor today, and my dr. And at length the ed consultant - and I went to work. I have made lot's of progress - but yet I have vascillated from full blown anxiety attacks to peace. It is surreal. There is so much triggering every minute of every day, that I feel on edge by my own self</p><p></p><p>Last night I got a picture of Matt at the ranch..........and from afar........this picture was a carbon copy of my sister at that age. My sister has always been a tomboy, and Matt has his hair really long - and the 2 of them have the exact same facial structure. It just sent me right on over the edge. My reality became blurred, and every 30 minutes I had to remind myself that Matt was alive. He really is. Despite the fact I have not heard from him via the phone in a month, or seen him in month, or even received a letter from him in a week...........he is still alive. This is the hardest part in all of this.</p><p></p><p>I have a dr who is helping with medications, and now I am on more than I care to write about, but I am giving myself permission to be on these until the transition is complete and I am able to stabilize.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Steely, post: 195785, member: 3301"] WOW Janet........that is impactful. It is exactly what I need. To be in touch with reality, somehow. I love Finding Nemo........my favorite movie. Just keep swimming. My whole house as a spa, there is novel concept. First it would need to be clean, maybe I need to hire a maid, first. And yes, I have 3 beautiful dogs, that I often sit and love on. In fact last night when I awoke in the middle of the night to a full blown anxiety attack, one of them jumped up next to me, curled around my back, and amazingly my breathing started to calm. I have talked to my counselor today, and my dr. And at length the ed consultant - and I went to work. I have made lot's of progress - but yet I have vascillated from full blown anxiety attacks to peace. It is surreal. There is so much triggering every minute of every day, that I feel on edge by my own self Last night I got a picture of Matt at the ranch..........and from afar........this picture was a carbon copy of my sister at that age. My sister has always been a tomboy, and Matt has his hair really long - and the 2 of them have the exact same facial structure. It just sent me right on over the edge. My reality became blurred, and every 30 minutes I had to remind myself that Matt was alive. He really is. Despite the fact I have not heard from him via the phone in a month, or seen him in month, or even received a letter from him in a week...........he is still alive. This is the hardest part in all of this. I have a dr who is helping with medications, and now I am on more than I care to write about, but I am giving myself permission to be on these until the transition is complete and I am able to stabilize. [/QUOTE]
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