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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 195813" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>You've had some good suggestions. However, I need to point out a couple of thigs.</p><p></p><p>First, there are two ways to deal with overwhelming emotions:</p><p></p><p>1) Distraction techniques. This includes humour, it includes being productive with your hands, it includes being so busy with tasks you enjoy (because they are the ones you can also lose yourself in emotionally) that you drag your thoughts AWAY from the confusing mish-mash of images, thoughts and feelings; </p><p></p><p>and</p><p></p><p>2) Dive in and deal with it (the opposite tactic).</p><p></p><p>I used to get a wave of depression (for want of a better term) and I would try to mentally explore it, as much as I could stand to, to try to determine WHAT the emotion exactly was, and WHY I felt that particular emotion right then. If I could identify a cause within myself, then I would try to have my own mental therapy session where I would explore it further, eliminate any negative self-talk, analyse any links to past memories which could be enhancing the emotional response, and so on.</p><p>If I could not find such a link then often it was because there WAS no link; in other words, it was a spell of endogenous depression, which was basically depression that just IS. And for that, I used distraction. Back to point 1) </p><p>[I did say in another thread, that I am a very pragmatic person!]</p><p></p><p>With the PTSD, the self-analysis got derailed because the scope was too great, and the images, emotions and thoughts which came rushing at me, often triggered by a sensation, a smell, a word perhaps, would be too overwhelming and too confusing.</p><p></p><p>However, something I concluded about PTSD - when you go through a major trauma, especially if it is a complex trauma (as mine was) so that images get confused, it can also drag in similar problems/unresolved things from the past and add them to the cake mix that is in the mixing bowl of your brain. The aim in therapy is to somehow reverse entropy - to get the individual ingredients miraculously separated back out of the cake mix and back into their packets, nice and clean. That takes a miracle and generally doesn't happen. The next option is to mentally backtrack over the recipe, to work out what went into the mixing bowl, and when.</p><p></p><p>I also determined - yes, all this was delayed in onset for some weeks to months after the trauma, but it emerges in pieces, in small amounts, as your brain feels you can handle it. If you don't grab the chance then it will bury itself again and it may take another trauma later in life to bring it all to the surface again. Each time it does this (without any resolution in the meantime) it is bigger and more confused, therefore harder to deal with. So it is important to deal with it as much as you can, as soon as you can. Your brain knows you well and generally won't ask too much of you. But I found - for once, I needed help from someone else, someone I could talk at and who would reflect back to me the message I gave.</p><p></p><p>I saw a psychiatrist with a good reputation for dealing with PTSD. He came highly recommended. However, he was no good - for me. I felt he gave me no feedback, I felt just as abandoned.</p><p>My next step - I had talked to friends who were psychologists, some who offered to help and then backed out of it (I think because they also were traumatised, each in their own way, and were just entering their own milder PTSD).</p><p>Third step, and for me, the best - the local church sent for counsellors from outside the community, as they recognised the trauma on a larger scale. I grabbed the chance early, and made use of the lovely man who was counselling our end of town. He did for me what the psychiatrist couldn't do - he gave me feedback. he also made it possible for me to once again find the end of the string of the huge tangled knot of thoughts in my mind, so I could begin to unravel it for myself.</p><p></p><p>Because of the various problems, I had already begun to bury the trauma again. It didn't all get dealt with. But I think enough got dealt with so I will recognise it when it surfaces again.</p><p></p><p>The steps in my recovery are probably going to be different for you, because different experiences have been involved, not only in the recent trauma for you, but through all the small unresolved issues in your life, which now are probably being included in the mess this is making in your mind. </p><p>Now, I'm taking a risk here when I say this - I do not mean to hurt you. I am remembering posts you made about the time your sister went missing, posts about your parents. I sensed long-term problems with your parents, possibly mild in their minds but not in yours. Because I sensed it in your posts then, I think it was very much raw for you at the time, along with everything else you were feeling. So I think it's quite likely that any past unresolved problems concerning your parents, as well as any issues concerning your relationship with them and with your sister, are all tangled in there now. They may even be a factor in how bad this is for you now. Your concerns for your son are also in there, because you were worried for him at the time as well as how he was taking all this.</p><p></p><p>If you can, try to identify the emotions you are feeling. it's not easy right now, for several reasons:</p><p></p><p>1) They're tangled together and confusing each other.</p><p></p><p>2) It hurts emotionally to try to think about the very things which are upsetting you; the act of trying to think about why you are upset can make you suddenly far more upset. This is another reason for asking for external professional help right now.</p><p></p><p>I had to go through this, because my family needed me to be able to function. As it turned out, I was getting a handle on myself just in time, just as their own PTSD hit my friends and family, a couple of months later. That doesn't mean I was over it by then - I certainly wasn't. But by then, I could finally see where the path was, and was able to look after myself again.</p><p></p><p>I had to continue to try to identify the emotions. There was still ongoing trauma - I won't go into details. I also had constant reminders, with news coverage, documentaries, etc as well as people talking about it. I HAD to find ways to cope.</p><p></p><p>The emotions - at first I thought it was extreme sadness, to the point of despair. I had a new baby so I clung to him like I'd never clung to anything else. He knew nothing of the trauma, so he became my lifeline. He also was to a certain extent my distraction, because I had to be a happy Mummy for my boy and play with him, talk to him, sing to him, stimulate his developing brain.</p><p>But sadness - why? What was I sad about? Of course there were obvious things I could point to, but somewhere in there, was more.</p><p></p><p>Then I realised that this wasn't despair - I could feel the adrenalin underneath, of ANGER. Large, spiky knobs of it. Old anger, too - it went back decades, it went back to childhood, almost to infancy. I tried to hold the mental images associated with the emotions, then I tried to remember what had been happening to me at the time I took that mental snapshot of my past. Then I tried to find a blanketing description of these events, and I realised that it came down to feeling unheard, not valued, of being made to feel insignificant and worthless. I accepted that being angry about this was good, it was positive, because at least it meant I was fighting it.</p><p></p><p>There are ways of handling this. I won't go any further, because I don't want to lead you in a direction that may not be the right one for you.</p><p></p><p>This process took me months. Perhaps it should have taken less time. I wish it had, I think I would have dealt with more of it in time, if I had. It took several years before the PTSD became controlled enough to not interfere too badly in my life. Whenever emotions rose, I did the soul-searching thing. When they buried themselves again, I stopped trying to follow them but simply got on with life while I waited.</p><p></p><p>Each time it all surfaced, it was always in a dose just small enough for me to handle. I would do what I could with it in the small time I had.</p><p></p><p>And so it goes. The emotions are still raw at times, but I know fully understand where they have come from, and why. I am also trying to learn from it in a practical way, to be careful to not leave the same legacy with my children.</p><p></p><p>I had a recent conversation with one of my sisters in which some family secrets were revealed. My parents are now gone, I can't talk to anyone in that generation and I really wish I could. But that secret, and the questions it raises, have given me a lot more answers to the murk of emotions I was struggling with.</p><p></p><p>Steely, you do what you can while you can. Build in the distraction activity for you as well, because you will need it to help you consolidate your progress. Also, continue with anything positive you can do to help your son. Value yourself and your efforts and do not let any of this make you feel worthless - you are not. This is a battle within your own mind, not a battle imposed on you by anyone else. There is no fault in this - it just IS. Do your best to feel good about yourself and what you do. Find the things in yourself that are worth valuing.</p><p></p><p>Look after yourself. It is also the most effective way to look after your son. You undoubtedly already know this, but the way PTSD can hit you, it doesn't hurt for someone else to keep reminding you.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 195813, member: 1991"] You've had some good suggestions. However, I need to point out a couple of thigs. First, there are two ways to deal with overwhelming emotions: 1) Distraction techniques. This includes humour, it includes being productive with your hands, it includes being so busy with tasks you enjoy (because they are the ones you can also lose yourself in emotionally) that you drag your thoughts AWAY from the confusing mish-mash of images, thoughts and feelings; and 2) Dive in and deal with it (the opposite tactic). I used to get a wave of depression (for want of a better term) and I would try to mentally explore it, as much as I could stand to, to try to determine WHAT the emotion exactly was, and WHY I felt that particular emotion right then. If I could identify a cause within myself, then I would try to have my own mental therapy session where I would explore it further, eliminate any negative self-talk, analyse any links to past memories which could be enhancing the emotional response, and so on. If I could not find such a link then often it was because there WAS no link; in other words, it was a spell of endogenous depression, which was basically depression that just IS. And for that, I used distraction. Back to point 1) [I did say in another thread, that I am a very pragmatic person!] With the PTSD, the self-analysis got derailed because the scope was too great, and the images, emotions and thoughts which came rushing at me, often triggered by a sensation, a smell, a word perhaps, would be too overwhelming and too confusing. However, something I concluded about PTSD - when you go through a major trauma, especially if it is a complex trauma (as mine was) so that images get confused, it can also drag in similar problems/unresolved things from the past and add them to the cake mix that is in the mixing bowl of your brain. The aim in therapy is to somehow reverse entropy - to get the individual ingredients miraculously separated back out of the cake mix and back into their packets, nice and clean. That takes a miracle and generally doesn't happen. The next option is to mentally backtrack over the recipe, to work out what went into the mixing bowl, and when. I also determined - yes, all this was delayed in onset for some weeks to months after the trauma, but it emerges in pieces, in small amounts, as your brain feels you can handle it. If you don't grab the chance then it will bury itself again and it may take another trauma later in life to bring it all to the surface again. Each time it does this (without any resolution in the meantime) it is bigger and more confused, therefore harder to deal with. So it is important to deal with it as much as you can, as soon as you can. Your brain knows you well and generally won't ask too much of you. But I found - for once, I needed help from someone else, someone I could talk at and who would reflect back to me the message I gave. I saw a psychiatrist with a good reputation for dealing with PTSD. He came highly recommended. However, he was no good - for me. I felt he gave me no feedback, I felt just as abandoned. My next step - I had talked to friends who were psychologists, some who offered to help and then backed out of it (I think because they also were traumatised, each in their own way, and were just entering their own milder PTSD). Third step, and for me, the best - the local church sent for counsellors from outside the community, as they recognised the trauma on a larger scale. I grabbed the chance early, and made use of the lovely man who was counselling our end of town. He did for me what the psychiatrist couldn't do - he gave me feedback. he also made it possible for me to once again find the end of the string of the huge tangled knot of thoughts in my mind, so I could begin to unravel it for myself. Because of the various problems, I had already begun to bury the trauma again. It didn't all get dealt with. But I think enough got dealt with so I will recognise it when it surfaces again. The steps in my recovery are probably going to be different for you, because different experiences have been involved, not only in the recent trauma for you, but through all the small unresolved issues in your life, which now are probably being included in the mess this is making in your mind. Now, I'm taking a risk here when I say this - I do not mean to hurt you. I am remembering posts you made about the time your sister went missing, posts about your parents. I sensed long-term problems with your parents, possibly mild in their minds but not in yours. Because I sensed it in your posts then, I think it was very much raw for you at the time, along with everything else you were feeling. So I think it's quite likely that any past unresolved problems concerning your parents, as well as any issues concerning your relationship with them and with your sister, are all tangled in there now. They may even be a factor in how bad this is for you now. Your concerns for your son are also in there, because you were worried for him at the time as well as how he was taking all this. If you can, try to identify the emotions you are feeling. it's not easy right now, for several reasons: 1) They're tangled together and confusing each other. 2) It hurts emotionally to try to think about the very things which are upsetting you; the act of trying to think about why you are upset can make you suddenly far more upset. This is another reason for asking for external professional help right now. I had to go through this, because my family needed me to be able to function. As it turned out, I was getting a handle on myself just in time, just as their own PTSD hit my friends and family, a couple of months later. That doesn't mean I was over it by then - I certainly wasn't. But by then, I could finally see where the path was, and was able to look after myself again. I had to continue to try to identify the emotions. There was still ongoing trauma - I won't go into details. I also had constant reminders, with news coverage, documentaries, etc as well as people talking about it. I HAD to find ways to cope. The emotions - at first I thought it was extreme sadness, to the point of despair. I had a new baby so I clung to him like I'd never clung to anything else. He knew nothing of the trauma, so he became my lifeline. He also was to a certain extent my distraction, because I had to be a happy Mummy for my boy and play with him, talk to him, sing to him, stimulate his developing brain. But sadness - why? What was I sad about? Of course there were obvious things I could point to, but somewhere in there, was more. Then I realised that this wasn't despair - I could feel the adrenalin underneath, of ANGER. Large, spiky knobs of it. Old anger, too - it went back decades, it went back to childhood, almost to infancy. I tried to hold the mental images associated with the emotions, then I tried to remember what had been happening to me at the time I took that mental snapshot of my past. Then I tried to find a blanketing description of these events, and I realised that it came down to feeling unheard, not valued, of being made to feel insignificant and worthless. I accepted that being angry about this was good, it was positive, because at least it meant I was fighting it. There are ways of handling this. I won't go any further, because I don't want to lead you in a direction that may not be the right one for you. This process took me months. Perhaps it should have taken less time. I wish it had, I think I would have dealt with more of it in time, if I had. It took several years before the PTSD became controlled enough to not interfere too badly in my life. Whenever emotions rose, I did the soul-searching thing. When they buried themselves again, I stopped trying to follow them but simply got on with life while I waited. Each time it all surfaced, it was always in a dose just small enough for me to handle. I would do what I could with it in the small time I had. And so it goes. The emotions are still raw at times, but I know fully understand where they have come from, and why. I am also trying to learn from it in a practical way, to be careful to not leave the same legacy with my children. I had a recent conversation with one of my sisters in which some family secrets were revealed. My parents are now gone, I can't talk to anyone in that generation and I really wish I could. But that secret, and the questions it raises, have given me a lot more answers to the murk of emotions I was struggling with. Steely, you do what you can while you can. Build in the distraction activity for you as well, because you will need it to help you consolidate your progress. Also, continue with anything positive you can do to help your son. Value yourself and your efforts and do not let any of this make you feel worthless - you are not. This is a battle within your own mind, not a battle imposed on you by anyone else. There is no fault in this - it just IS. Do your best to feel good about yourself and what you do. Find the things in yourself that are worth valuing. Look after yourself. It is also the most effective way to look after your son. You undoubtedly already know this, but the way PTSD can hit you, it doesn't hurt for someone else to keep reminding you. Marg [/QUOTE]
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