Mad as heck right now

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by missyk33, Dec 5, 2008.

  1. missyk33

    missyk33 New Member

    It is 5:50 in the morning and my difficult child decided to come home at 5:20. She snuck out around 1:00 and was gone all night. Thing is she came home in shorts and barefoot in 30 degree weather, just to see her socalled boyfriend, 18 years old. We have tried everything we could to get him arrested and since she wont put on paper that they have had sex, the police cant do anything about it. I am going to call youth court this morning and see what can be done. She has domestic violence charges pending against her and she doesnt seem to care that each time she does something like this she can actually be sent back to juvy.
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Oh, I would be pretty upset, too. This sounds like a good situation to apply for a CHINS or PINS (Person, or child, in need of supervision). It might be worth asking about that when you make your phone calls today. I'm glad you at least are aware of what she's doing. I hope you get some answer that can stop this before she ends up in a bigger mess.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Can you ban him from seeing her--restraining order---since she is only 14 and he's 18 (what a sleaze to be romancing a 14 year old).
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Also, can you do a little snooping and find out if she's sleeping with him at his parents' house? I would think that might be a way to stir some people up.

    If that doesn't work, maybe a chastity belt and a roll of duct tape can keep her safe (just kidding)...
  5. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Has she had a physical lately? If not, set one up. On the side, tell the nurse about your concern of her sexual activity. They may not do an vaginal exam but maybe they can talk to her about the dangers of that activity. STD's are very serious. Kids seem not to care these days about getting pregnant but they may listen if there is a chance for a painful disease that will last a long long time?

    Whatever they share with her may be in private so you will not know how she will react. If she admits to them that she is sexually active, they may not let you know - they will say it is confidential. However, I would think that they should be mandatory reporters if she is truthful about the boy's age?
  6. missyk33

    missyk33 New Member

    update 8:00 the school called me to come get her and take her home. She had gotten into a verbal confrontation with a socalled friend and the principal thought it would be better for them to go home for the day so they don't wind up getting suspended. Next week they have review for exams and she needs to be at school all week. I am so tired of having to go to the school. They all know me in the office and I just hate that. I hate when I see that number on my caller id.

    I am so frustrated with everything right now. Just when I think everything is calming down, something happens and gets it going back. It seems like we hit a brick wall and get knocked down and I just don't know how much more I can take.
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2008
  7. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Sigh. I'm sorry you are going through this. I was semi-lucky. My daughter snuck out just to be out, not to have sex but that was about the only difference. I finally got the house alarmed (her room, all the windows, the front, back and garage door) and would not give her the code. At least I knew when she was leaving and could call the police and report her as a runaway. They won't do much but they will record it, especially if the child is under 15.

    If the boy is living at home, I would be banging on his parents' door every time my daughter sneaks out. Sooner or later they are going to get sick and tired of hearing from you and make his life miserable. If he's on his own, the best you can do is bang on his door every time she leaves without permission.

    This is a truly awful idea but it might work. Have her taken in immediately after she comes home from one of her overnights for a vaginal exam at the ER. You would then have proof she is having sex and might even learn whether she is using any protection. This might get the legal system to do something to stop the boy (sorry, at 18, he's not a man in my mind).

    I would definitely look into a CHINS/PINS petition. It might get you some help and at least put your daughter on notice that you're serious that her behavior cannot be tolerated.

    Again, I'm sorry. I know how miserable you are. When my daughter was doing this, I ultimately had to find an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for her. I do believe it saved her but it almost killed me to do that to her. HUGS
  8. compassion

    compassion Member

    MissyK33, This is the story of mylife the last 6 months with difficult child,15. Finally 3 weeks ago, I laid it out. Either go to AA, stop running away or it is Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for 6 months. She is now not run away or used in that time.
    I did take her to get checked for STDs, pregnancy and on a birth control shot. (Jus this week she got the PG test and BC shot.) She ahs also been having sex with at least one18 year old.
    This week she told to the guy my mom wan't let me see you-he is 300 miles aay-she said she has stopped partying, using, and drinking and smoking. That was the deal with my daughter. She is BiPolar (BP) but the medications could never get stabilized becasue she kept running and getting high. She is like a different person now after nearly 3 weeks of being stablized. If I had to do Residential Treatment Center (RTC) I would have. ODAT. Compassion stARIGN T GETR MRAL ATUHROTY BACK VER daughter.
  9. Nancy423

    Nancy423 do I have to be the mom?

    I'm liking these ideas! I'll file these away for when my difficult child does this. Better than husband's idea - gun.

    ANyway, sorry you're having so much trouble. ((HUGS))
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Sheesh. I have no suggestions, just hugs. You must be miserable.

    I like the idea of annoying his parents! :)
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry you are having this problem. I have no experience, but if husband wants to use a gun I suggest sitting in the yard cleaning the shotgun all night when you think she is planning to run away.

    My dad and bro were cleaning guns when I stopped by with one boyfriend (I was 19 - NOT a minor) and it scared the guy to death - even though he hunted every fall! Then they did it when husband came to pick me up for a date. It is the closest my husband has been to a gun in his life - and he wouldn't even hold my hand for a WEEK!

    I think banging on the parent's door is a great idea, esp if you are up anyway. OR take a thermos of coffee and some sweet rolls or cookies over when she is gone with the boy. Tell the parents you KNOW they must be worried sick and up all night because he is with jailbait, so you brought over coffee and rolls so you could at least worry together. (I have a friend who's mom did that. Took 3 trips to the parents, butt they DID get tired of it and stop most of it.)

    Whatever you do - hugs and lots of support.
  12. missyk33

    missyk33 New Member

    My husband ran into him today in town and followed him to his work and politely told him that not only was he watching him but the police was also and that had a lot of evidence against him and that he knew she was with him last night and that he was going to go to jail and he would be spending the rest of his life there. He just stood there with his mouth wide open. husband just turned around and left.
  13. Jena

    Jena New Member


    I'm sorry i'm so so late to this one. I can't imagine how upset and overwhelmed you must be feeling right now. It's so hard when their so incredibly defiant, sneaking out to see him.

    I hope husband's talk with him woke him up and i hope he knows it's not worth ruining his own life over, maybe that'll do the trick. I think that was a good idea. I would of done the same.

    Do you have locks with sensors on the windows and doors?? just wondering. so if she tried to sneak out it would go off. I know it sounds like prison yet at least she'd know she'd be caught. it's so hard containing them at that age, and when they just refuse to listen to reason on any level. I agree with Andy about the appointment. with the dr. as well. not sure if you covered that ground already.

    That's a tough spot your in, i'm really sorry your going through this. I'm hoping u have a calmer night tonight and a calm weekend with her.