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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 107119" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>You've gotten some good advice and I've always been a single parent so my opinion might be in left field. But... what you've been dealing with sounds like it's much worse than being a single parent to me. So, I think I would spend time with difficult child- hanging out, talking, doing something special, etc., to make memorable times for both of you and making sure he's secure that you're always going to be there for him and love him. I think I'd talk to difficult child just a little to let him know that you need some things in your own life, too. Then, I'd have a heart-to-heart with husband and say "you're not a husband, you're not a dad, you not a part of the solution to any issues here, so, (if you love him) either start being these things or I'm going on with my life without you." (Mind you, I'm not suggesting leaving or having an affair.) I am suggesting that you spend less time around husband if he's not going to rise to the occassion. Either spend time with difficult child being Mom, or spend time on yourself being Woman. Let husband see you re-do your bedroom- make it ALL YOURS. Dress up very "womanly" and go out for a while. Spend time with some friends or take yourself out to dinner. Don't even invite husband. Just make sure difficult child understands, you are not leaving the "family"- you and difficult child are the family. husband is not being a part of the family. Then, if this makes the relationship worse, I'd pack up husband's stuff and politely set them in the front yard.</p><p></p><p>I'm so ticked at this guy right now, after hearing all you've put up with, that I'd like to come do this for you then take you and our difficult child's to a movie or something!! I know you probably don't want to take husband away from difficult child's life, but what kind of role model is he being here? Is he really contributing anything to difficult child's life? It's not like difficult child would never be able to see him again anyway.</p><p></p><p>Well, sorry, I think I've crossed a line to trying to get you to do something that is none of my business and I don't want to do that. You have to do what is right for you and difficult child. But, certainly, don't feel guilty. You've been the one doing EVERYTHING so yes, maybe some mistakes have been made along the way, maybe husband has only made one mistake in the last 13 years as compared to several mistakes you might have made. But his mistake is emotionally leaving you and not being a real father to his child. So, let yourself off the hook!!!</p><p></p><p>{{{HUGS!!}}}</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 107119, member: 3699"] You've gotten some good advice and I've always been a single parent so my opinion might be in left field. But... what you've been dealing with sounds like it's much worse than being a single parent to me. So, I think I would spend time with difficult child- hanging out, talking, doing something special, etc., to make memorable times for both of you and making sure he's secure that you're always going to be there for him and love him. I think I'd talk to difficult child just a little to let him know that you need some things in your own life, too. Then, I'd have a heart-to-heart with husband and say "you're not a husband, you're not a dad, you not a part of the solution to any issues here, so, (if you love him) either start being these things or I'm going on with my life without you." (Mind you, I'm not suggesting leaving or having an affair.) I am suggesting that you spend less time around husband if he's not going to rise to the occassion. Either spend time with difficult child being Mom, or spend time on yourself being Woman. Let husband see you re-do your bedroom- make it ALL YOURS. Dress up very "womanly" and go out for a while. Spend time with some friends or take yourself out to dinner. Don't even invite husband. Just make sure difficult child understands, you are not leaving the "family"- you and difficult child are the family. husband is not being a part of the family. Then, if this makes the relationship worse, I'd pack up husband's stuff and politely set them in the front yard. I'm so ticked at this guy right now, after hearing all you've put up with, that I'd like to come do this for you then take you and our difficult child's to a movie or something!! I know you probably don't want to take husband away from difficult child's life, but what kind of role model is he being here? Is he really contributing anything to difficult child's life? It's not like difficult child would never be able to see him again anyway. Well, sorry, I think I've crossed a line to trying to get you to do something that is none of my business and I don't want to do that. You have to do what is right for you and difficult child. But, certainly, don't feel guilty. You've been the one doing EVERYTHING so yes, maybe some mistakes have been made along the way, maybe husband has only made one mistake in the last 13 years as compared to several mistakes you might have made. But his mistake is emotionally leaving you and not being a real father to his child. So, let yourself off the hook!!! {{{HUGS!!}}} [/QUOTE]
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