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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 419577" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Inadequacy. Fear of not being able to use his own words as effectively. fear that his own words can never measure up.</p><p></p><p>I would make it clear that his own words, even haltingly or poorly expressed, have the value of originality. See how he responds to that. Encourage him to write his true feelings. Perhaps get him to describe a typical day for him, so you can feel closer to him in your day (that's what you can say to him, anyway). Then see how well he can do it.</p><p></p><p>When husband & I were "courting" and we were hundreds of miles apart, he would write me reams of airline paper pages (you can write more for the same price) and my mother would say, "What has he got to say?" and all I could say was, "He loves me; he misses me."</p><p>"But he's written 12 pages! There has to be more he's said than that!"</p><p>"Mum - he loves me. He misses me. That's it. And no, you can't read them, they're private. Even if he hasn't said anything other than he loves me and misses me. It's how he says it... over and over."</p><p>I finally had to convince husband to write about his day, which he reluctantly did. At least it gave me something to tell my mother. "He borrowed five books form the uni library today and spent six hours studying after lectures finished for the day. He has three assignments for Organic Chemistry due by Friday. He love me and he misses me."</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 419577, member: 1991"] Inadequacy. Fear of not being able to use his own words as effectively. fear that his own words can never measure up. I would make it clear that his own words, even haltingly or poorly expressed, have the value of originality. See how he responds to that. Encourage him to write his true feelings. Perhaps get him to describe a typical day for him, so you can feel closer to him in your day (that's what you can say to him, anyway). Then see how well he can do it. When husband & I were "courting" and we were hundreds of miles apart, he would write me reams of airline paper pages (you can write more for the same price) and my mother would say, "What has he got to say?" and all I could say was, "He loves me; he misses me." "But he's written 12 pages! There has to be more he's said than that!" "Mum - he loves me. He misses me. That's it. And no, you can't read them, they're private. Even if he hasn't said anything other than he loves me and misses me. It's how he says it... over and over." I finally had to convince husband to write about his day, which he reluctantly did. At least it gave me something to tell my mother. "He borrowed five books form the uni library today and spent six hours studying after lectures finished for the day. He has three assignments for Organic Chemistry due by Friday. He love me and he misses me." Marg [/QUOTE]
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