Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
marriage survival, questions
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="keista" data-source="post: 435611" data-attributes="member: 11965"><p>One thing I know for sure, is that marriage, like everything else in life has and ebb and flow. "Good times and in bad" You just had a difficult time with the kids, AND pms is coming on. I'd say it's one of the 'bad' times. If you BOTH keep aware of the ebb and flow, and BOTH work through the ebbs and value the flows, you should be OK. Remember to have "date nights" so you can reconnect on a meaningful level. One couple I know set their kids' bed time to 7pm, just so they would have that much needed alone time - she swears that saved her marriage.</p><p></p><p>Most ppl divorce before the kids turn 5 because they had NO CLUE how much time, energy and work, little kids take. I've found the more involved both parents are in the actual parenting chores - feeding, changing, bathing, bed times, etc - the stronger the marriage. in my opinion it's because they are truly sharing the load - working together for a common goal. In addition to date nights, it's a god idea for each of you to have a night/day off where you get to pursue your own interests. Since you are both working, this free time to pursue individual interests may not be so necessary, but depending on the household division of labor, it might be needed.</p><p></p><p>For me it was doomed even before 'I do' only because I married a man who was a figment of his own imagination. After so many years, I know what makes him tic, but have very few 'facts' of his real life, what he's done, what he thinks. The stuff that comes out of his mouth are all lies all the way down to his race. Odd situation indeed, but from a practical standpoint, we were never a parenting team. He worked, I stayed home. By default, I did almost all of the parenting work. Seemed fair UNTIL I realized that I was literally doing ALL the parenting work. When I'd get my "day off" I still had to prep everything before I left, and clean up everything when I got back. To add insult to injury, he'd call that day his 'babysitting' day. WTH? No discussing, no arguing could get him to see that he was a PARENT, and he was PARENTING that day. OY! He left for other reasons, but I'm convinced that if those reasons had not shown up, he would have found something else to make him go. The plan had been that once our youngest started school, that I would go back to work - even part time. Although he said he was on board with the plan, I think me going to work scared him. He would no longer have the excuse that I was home all day, and he would have to step up and be a PARENT, I would be out doing my own things, individualizing myself from the kids (and him), and I would no longer possess the identity that he imagined up for me.</p><p></p><p>Make time to stay connected to each other. Find ways to reinforce each other instead of turning on each other. We tend to take our anger and frustrations out on those we feel safest with - family. Unfortunately, that can eat away at that 'safety net' as well.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="keista, post: 435611, member: 11965"] One thing I know for sure, is that marriage, like everything else in life has and ebb and flow. "Good times and in bad" You just had a difficult time with the kids, AND pms is coming on. I'd say it's one of the 'bad' times. If you BOTH keep aware of the ebb and flow, and BOTH work through the ebbs and value the flows, you should be OK. Remember to have "date nights" so you can reconnect on a meaningful level. One couple I know set their kids' bed time to 7pm, just so they would have that much needed alone time - she swears that saved her marriage. Most ppl divorce before the kids turn 5 because they had NO CLUE how much time, energy and work, little kids take. I've found the more involved both parents are in the actual parenting chores - feeding, changing, bathing, bed times, etc - the stronger the marriage. in my opinion it's because they are truly sharing the load - working together for a common goal. In addition to date nights, it's a god idea for each of you to have a night/day off where you get to pursue your own interests. Since you are both working, this free time to pursue individual interests may not be so necessary, but depending on the household division of labor, it might be needed. For me it was doomed even before 'I do' only because I married a man who was a figment of his own imagination. After so many years, I know what makes him tic, but have very few 'facts' of his real life, what he's done, what he thinks. The stuff that comes out of his mouth are all lies all the way down to his race. Odd situation indeed, but from a practical standpoint, we were never a parenting team. He worked, I stayed home. By default, I did almost all of the parenting work. Seemed fair UNTIL I realized that I was literally doing ALL the parenting work. When I'd get my "day off" I still had to prep everything before I left, and clean up everything when I got back. To add insult to injury, he'd call that day his 'babysitting' day. WTH? No discussing, no arguing could get him to see that he was a PARENT, and he was PARENTING that day. OY! He left for other reasons, but I'm convinced that if those reasons had not shown up, he would have found something else to make him go. The plan had been that once our youngest started school, that I would go back to work - even part time. Although he said he was on board with the plan, I think me going to work scared him. He would no longer have the excuse that I was home all day, and he would have to step up and be a PARENT, I would be out doing my own things, individualizing myself from the kids (and him), and I would no longer possess the identity that he imagined up for me. Make time to stay connected to each other. Find ways to reinforce each other instead of turning on each other. We tend to take our anger and frustrations out on those we feel safest with - family. Unfortunately, that can eat away at that 'safety net' as well. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
marriage survival, questions
Top