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<blockquote data-quote="Mom2oddson" data-source="post: 435973" data-attributes="member: 65"><p>Being on opposite shifts makes life extra hard sometimes. The first 2 years husband and I were married we were that way. We'd have 1 hour together before he left for work. That left me alone with 2 difficult child step-kids (first time ever dealing with difficult children). Life was hard! Then husband got a better job, a day job, but one with a lot of travel....months at a time travel. So, again I was alone with 2 difficult children. </p><p></p><p>Stubborness played a big part in us still being together....and the fact that we love each other so much. We've always done whatever we can to find time together. And understanding each other helps too. Like Men commune and Women communicate. Understanding that husband is happy just sitting next to me out on the deck without a word being said, helps me give him his communing time. His understanding that I need to talk....and NOT have him fix my problems helps him help me. In the beginning, I had to explain to husband that I needed him to put on his "girlfriend" hat and just listen to me otherwise he'd try to fix me. </p><p></p><p>We also made sure that the kids knew that we were a couple. husband and I always sit together. The kids sit around us. Of course, when they were little it meant a seating chart/schedule. On the first month, you sit next to Mom, the second month, you sit next to Dad, on the third month, you had the "third man out" seat. It really helped the kids to have that schedule. They felt that they got a fair amount of time with mom and dad. Of course, we had to have easy child take the month of February because he could be reasonable about being shorted a few days. </p><p></p><p>And finding ways to avoid the "hot spots" helped. There were 2 things that always caused a problem in the beginning. One was having 3 kids fighting to get through a door together.... we had them draw cards, Highest to lowest card would be the order of life! It worked out to go with age, oldest to youngest. So the oldest went in/out the door followed by the others in order. The fighting stopped. In fact, we forgot all about it until we noticed that the kids (16, 15, 13 at the time) were still waiting for each other and going through the door in order. </p><p></p><p>The second and biggest fighting point when we first got together was the dinner table. husband was of the mind set that you eat what is on the table whether you like it or not. I'm not like that. If you tried mashed potatoes on Monday and didn't like them, you aren't going to like them on Wednesday! And like I would tell husband, "No one is in jail because they didnt' like mashed potatoes!".... My problem was whether you eat or not, sit at the table until you were done. Ant refused to sit. He would take a bite, run around the table, take a bite, run outside, take a bite, play with a toy..... I would pull out my hair, but husband thought that was okay. So......our way of handling it was to STOP eating at the table! We took our plates and ate around the TV. That way husband didn't see what easy child was/was not eating, and I wouldn't notice what Ant's movements were. About 3 years later, we were able to have dinner as a family at the table.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mom2oddson, post: 435973, member: 65"] Being on opposite shifts makes life extra hard sometimes. The first 2 years husband and I were married we were that way. We'd have 1 hour together before he left for work. That left me alone with 2 difficult child step-kids (first time ever dealing with difficult children). Life was hard! Then husband got a better job, a day job, but one with a lot of travel....months at a time travel. So, again I was alone with 2 difficult children. Stubborness played a big part in us still being together....and the fact that we love each other so much. We've always done whatever we can to find time together. And understanding each other helps too. Like Men commune and Women communicate. Understanding that husband is happy just sitting next to me out on the deck without a word being said, helps me give him his communing time. His understanding that I need to talk....and NOT have him fix my problems helps him help me. In the beginning, I had to explain to husband that I needed him to put on his "girlfriend" hat and just listen to me otherwise he'd try to fix me. We also made sure that the kids knew that we were a couple. husband and I always sit together. The kids sit around us. Of course, when they were little it meant a seating chart/schedule. On the first month, you sit next to Mom, the second month, you sit next to Dad, on the third month, you had the "third man out" seat. It really helped the kids to have that schedule. They felt that they got a fair amount of time with mom and dad. Of course, we had to have easy child take the month of February because he could be reasonable about being shorted a few days. And finding ways to avoid the "hot spots" helped. There were 2 things that always caused a problem in the beginning. One was having 3 kids fighting to get through a door together.... we had them draw cards, Highest to lowest card would be the order of life! It worked out to go with age, oldest to youngest. So the oldest went in/out the door followed by the others in order. The fighting stopped. In fact, we forgot all about it until we noticed that the kids (16, 15, 13 at the time) were still waiting for each other and going through the door in order. The second and biggest fighting point when we first got together was the dinner table. husband was of the mind set that you eat what is on the table whether you like it or not. I'm not like that. If you tried mashed potatoes on Monday and didn't like them, you aren't going to like them on Wednesday! And like I would tell husband, "No one is in jail because they didnt' like mashed potatoes!".... My problem was whether you eat or not, sit at the table until you were done. Ant refused to sit. He would take a bite, run around the table, take a bite, run outside, take a bite, play with a toy..... I would pull out my hair, but husband thought that was okay. So......our way of handling it was to STOP eating at the table! We took our plates and ate around the TV. That way husband didn't see what easy child was/was not eating, and I wouldn't notice what Ant's movements were. About 3 years later, we were able to have dinner as a family at the table. [/QUOTE]
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