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<blockquote data-quote="nvts" data-source="post: 306954" data-attributes="member: 3814"><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">UPS Air Cargo</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">Just in case you need a laugh:</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P)</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">accident.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">*</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">*</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">P: Something loose in cockpit</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">S: Something tightened in cockpit</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">*</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">P: Dead bugs on windshield.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">S: Live bugs on back-order.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">*</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">*</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">S: Evidence removed.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">*</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">P: DME volume unbelievably loud.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">S: DME volume set to more believable level.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">*</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">S: That's what friction locks are for.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">*</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">*</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">P: Suspected crack in windshield.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">S: Suspect you're right.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">*</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">P: Number 3 engine missing.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">S: Engine found on right wing after brief search</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">*</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">*</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">P: Target radar hums.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">*</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">P: Mouse in cockpit.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">S: Cat installed.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">*</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">And the best one for last</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">*</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">on something with a hammer.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">S: Took hammer away from midget.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">Sorry I've been missing lately - things are good with the kids, but the rest is rocky... <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/felttip/sad-very.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":sad-very:" title="sad-very :sad-very:" data-shortname=":sad-very:" /></span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">Beth</span></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="nvts, post: 306954, member: 3814"] [FONT=Verdana][SIZE=2][FONT=Verdana]UPS Air Cargo Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident. P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. * P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. * P: Something loose in cockpit S: Something tightened in cockpit * P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. * P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. * P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. * P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. * P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for. * P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. * P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. * P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search * P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!) S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious. * P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. * P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. * And the best one for last * P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget.[/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Verdana][SIZE=2][FONT=Verdana][/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Verdana][SIZE=2][FONT=Verdana]Sorry I've been missing lately - things are good with the kids, but the rest is rocky... :sad-very:[/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Verdana][SIZE=2][FONT=Verdana][/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Verdana][SIZE=2][FONT=Verdana]Beth[/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Verdana][SIZE=2][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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