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General Parenting
Meeting birthfamily--effect on behavior?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 440717" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>My Jumper didn't exactly meet her birthfamily because her birthmother (somebody I love dearly) had married her first child's father and they have three kids. He doesn't want her to be in touch with Jumper. "But for a few months, Jumper, me and B. corresponded secretly on the computer and all that needed to be said was said. It had a VERY positive effect on Jumper, but ME too...lol. We love each other a lot and daughter could see our strong attachment and has never once spoken of her birthmother since. Now birthfather...</p><p></p><p>He is in prison on drug charges. Not the first time. His family is nice, BUt they don't want to see Jumper unless she wants to also see her birthfather. She has no interest in that right now so our correspondence stopped, BUt not before she got pictures of them and a nice birthday card. I asked her about them and her only comment was, "They're FAT" which surprised me. I don't even know if she kept their pictures, but I suppose she'll grow up and meet them one day. My daughter is anti-drug, anti-smoking, anti-alcohol, anti-breaking the law and has not wanted to meet him or his side of the family since. I have brought it up, but she says she's not ready.</p><p></p><p>Jumper was twelve when this happened and it seemed to take the mystery out of her past. She believes everyone loved her and that her birthmother did what she did because she felt it was for the best. The adoption has not hindered her at all since. If you can get in touch AND you are pretty sure it will be positive, I think the best way to start is with e-mails. I do not recommend just setting up a meeting. If Jumper met ANYONE it was going to be in the room with an adoption specialist who has reunited people for years. Both sides should have counseling before they meet and develop a trust with the therapist. I don't think just setting up a meeting is a good idea at all.j</p><p></p><p>You have to make the call, but it was all good here and for now it is on hold. The day I get to see B. again, we are going to hug and cry...she is like a sister to me. I love her so much. I think one day Jumper would be t hrilled to see how we bonded and still feel bonded through the years.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 440717, member: 1550"] My Jumper didn't exactly meet her birthfamily because her birthmother (somebody I love dearly) had married her first child's father and they have three kids. He doesn't want her to be in touch with Jumper. "But for a few months, Jumper, me and B. corresponded secretly on the computer and all that needed to be said was said. It had a VERY positive effect on Jumper, but ME too...lol. We love each other a lot and daughter could see our strong attachment and has never once spoken of her birthmother since. Now birthfather... He is in prison on drug charges. Not the first time. His family is nice, BUt they don't want to see Jumper unless she wants to also see her birthfather. She has no interest in that right now so our correspondence stopped, BUt not before she got pictures of them and a nice birthday card. I asked her about them and her only comment was, "They're FAT" which surprised me. I don't even know if she kept their pictures, but I suppose she'll grow up and meet them one day. My daughter is anti-drug, anti-smoking, anti-alcohol, anti-breaking the law and has not wanted to meet him or his side of the family since. I have brought it up, but she says she's not ready. Jumper was twelve when this happened and it seemed to take the mystery out of her past. She believes everyone loved her and that her birthmother did what she did because she felt it was for the best. The adoption has not hindered her at all since. If you can get in touch AND you are pretty sure it will be positive, I think the best way to start is with e-mails. I do not recommend just setting up a meeting. If Jumper met ANYONE it was going to be in the room with an adoption specialist who has reunited people for years. Both sides should have counseling before they meet and develop a trust with the therapist. I don't think just setting up a meeting is a good idea at all.j You have to make the call, but it was all good here and for now it is on hold. The day I get to see B. again, we are going to hug and cry...she is like a sister to me. I love her so much. I think one day Jumper would be t hrilled to see how we bonded and still feel bonded through the years. [/QUOTE]
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