Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by happymomof2, Mar 27, 2008.

  1. happymomof2

    happymomof2 New Member

    As long as the answer is yes everything is beautiful - the minute I say no all hell breaks loose. difficult child went to a funeral yesterday for the father of a friend at school. Afterwards they (difficult child & girlfriend) went to friends house. I called and girlfriend got on the phone, told her I would pick them up at 7 - she said 7? in a huffy kind of way, then she put difficult child on the phone. He ask if they could stay till 8, told him to ask friends mom if that was okay she said yes.

    Go to pick him up and he didn't want to leave. I told him we had to go. girlfriend immediately got on the phone with her parents asking them to pick her up later. difficult child got in my truck slammed the door - at this point I was aggravated. I told him he could at least thank me for letting him go over there and coming to pick him up. I can't even remember what he said next but as I was pulling away from the house in a long gravel driveway he jumps out of the moving vehicle. Thank God I wasn't going very fast. I was furious at this point. Here we are at a home of someone who just lost a loved one and he acts like this?? Thank goodness they were all inside.

    He starts in on the "I'm just an ungrateful little punk, nobody likes me, I'm just going to kill myself. I am past aggravation at this point - I replied you know what go ahead, what are you trying to do scare me into letting you have your way? There are rules and boundries at our home and regardless you will abide by them. The back and forth stuff continued until we got home. Told husband what was going on and he talked with him a little. After about 30 minutes I went into difficult child's room he was working out. He stopped and I ask him if he was going to hurt himself and he said no mom I can't do that to myself. He was all calm and apologetic.

    He has been doing so well at school with his behavior and grades and I told him last night after he calmed down that it needs to carry over to when he is at home.

    I try so hard to run him here and there and fork out money for youth events and skateboarding, and this is the treatment I get!!!

    I know I am not the only one that goes through episodes like this but I am just tired. Needed to vent.

    Thanks for listening
  2. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Hugs! I just had my own meltdown with my own difficult child to deal with last night.

    It. Is. Not. Fun.

    I hear you. I feel your frustration. I understand. And I am so sorry.

    You are doing everything you need to. (((((((hugs))))))
  3. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    I'm sorry you had such a rough time with difficult child.

    Obviously, we're not doctors and can't diagnosis over the internet, but I'm wondering if there's more going on here than ADHD. When was the last time he was evaluated? What medications/doses is he taking? Is he seeing a therapist?

    If you haven't read The Explosive Child by Ross Greene, you might want to pick up a copy. It will explain why chronically inflexible children behave the way they do and give you some techniques for managing this behavior. Although it's not an excuse, his behavior (and it will be worse at home where he feels safe) is a maladaptive way of coping and possibly even a cry for help.

    Again, I'm sorry for your difficult day.
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I was told to NEVER take a suicide threat lightly. The fact that your child tried to hurt himself by getting out of a rolling truck makes me think that there is far more going on than ADHD and that he IS thinking of suicide. I would get an ASAP other opinion on this diagnosis and medications and I'd tell whoever you call that your child is talking about suicide. You don't know for sure that he is just trying to get his way and it's not worth guessing. I know he later said he couldn't do it, but the fact is, he almost did hurt himself. If he hasn't been re-evaluated since age 8, it's time to do that. Things change over time. I wish you luck!
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    We had a meltdown last night, with my best friend and her hubby here. I filled up Miss KT's truck on Friday, and gave her her allowance (payment for chores done), and life was long as there's gas in the truck. Total screaming hysteria when I wouldn't give her money or my gas card. Scared best friend's hubby, he said he could feel the waves of hostility. After they left, she started the "nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I'm going to go eat worms" speech. I take it as an attempt to make me feel guilty and give in. Hugs to you...I know it's so hard!
  6. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    I agree with MWM that a suicide threat should never be taken lightly. The best advice I was given was to react as though the threat is completely serious, even if it's clear that your child is making the threat to manipulate you. Call 911, indicate that your child is threatening suicide, and get him in for a psychiatric evaluation.

    If the threat is serious, then you've put your child in a position to get the best possible help. If the threat is a tactic, then you've demonstrated the natural consequences of making an idle threat in order to get your way. Either way, the result is a win-win for you.

    I also agree that this sounds like more than ADHD, and that a re-evaluation is probably a good idea.

    Hugs for your mommy heart. I hate it when they do this.

  7. tammyjh

    tammyjh New Member

    Sorry that things were rough.

    At the very least, make note of the suicide threat and call the dr.

    Hope things are evening out now.
  8. tryinghard

    tryinghard New Member

    My friend said that she atteneded a conference and the Doctor said if a child ever talks about suicide you take them immediately to the hospital. He said one of two things happen...If they are serious they will get the help they need. If they are not, they will never do it again.....
  9. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Unless, of course, the child thrives on the attention. One way to see if they really are serious is ask them how they plan to do it. If there are definite plans (although unrealistic), get them hospitalized NOW. If it is vague and you know your child is an attention seeker, that should be factored in in my opinion.

    And, Happy, I so understand that things are great as long child gets everything wanted. It really stinks.

    I do wonder, though, if the reason he didn't want to leave was a need in him to stay with his friend. If it was just to hang out, I agree he needed to come home. If he felt he was needed, I can understand his meltdown (doesn't make it right, but does make it a lot more understandable).
  10. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It is obvious to me he did not want to leave his girlfriend there without him being there. I think that is where you need to put your energy, in my humble opinion. Is he insecure about their relationship? Who else was there when he had to leave. By no means am I saying your time to be picked up was unreasonable - you were right. But, I think there are other things in this scenario that caused him to act out this way.

    Could be the girlfriend scenario I mentioned above.
    Could be the death of his friend's dad.
    Could be the simple fact that everyone else was allowed to stay later than him.