Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
Might see my estranged parents for the 1st time in 5 years. What to do??!!
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 378343" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Trinity - </p><p> </p><p>I didn't read anyone elses response - but MY thought? And I'm basing this on my thought of if someone called me yesterday and said "I found your birth parents and they want to meet you, I know you aren't ready BUT...they'll be at Dude's soccer game, and you are required to go." </p><p> </p><p>First off....This game is for my son. Secondly? ALL my concentration SHOULD be on him, not on a make-shift, forced reunion. This is sticky becaue - 1. the man is his Father too, and yes it hurts that he only seems to show up when the child does good - okay - but he IS showing up so he gets a cookie for that. Lots of Father's don't show up at all (I can name hundreds). 2. these people ARE this child's Grandparents. Those are facts. Nothing you can say or do or close your eyes hard and wish - will make them go away - Decisions you made years ago, make them so. These aren't variables. So this would be in column - DEAL WITH IT. Unpleasant as it is - nothing you can do. It's a solid. </p><p> </p><p>That said - What can I do about it? Well - It's a big field. I AM SURE if you interviewed an/or spent a day with each person that goes to that soccer field you would find that most of the people there you would tolerate for short periods of time and then you would figure out that you wouln't like them much. I'm not so sure why people are always so hellbent on trying to make puzzle pieces fit when they don't - but I'm not a big puzzle putter-together - I just figure if it doesn't fit? Move on. Just like your ex. He does fit. No sense in making MYSELF sick over the fact that here is a person I can NOT change - I can not stand to be around. I can NOT get along with and so YOU are trying to think of ways to get along with him for the sake of a soccer game and it AINT GONNA HAPPEN. So don't try. Same with your parents. This is a SOCCER GAME, not a psychiatrists office. You can't fix FIVE Years PLUS....in an hour...WHY TRY??? WHY Fret? WHY get all worked up and put the people that you DO enjoy spending time with and being around and love through agonizing hell - for the sake of TRYING to figure out HOW in the WORLD can I get along with those OTHER people ie: puzzle pieces that DO NOT FIT - for THEIR sake - because honestly ? YOUR fretting, worry and anxiety are FOR THEIR SAKE not yours - </p><p> </p><p>YOU can sit at that game and IGNORE them, not talke to them, not look at them, and pretend like they don't exist. You can - be civil..say hello, say EXCUSE ME - MY family is sitting over here.....and if pushed - say "I'm here to watch my son, enjoy my family, and my day--if there is anything else? I'm not aware of it, and this is NOT the time or the place.....excuse me." and walk off laughing and smiling. Yup - Sister that is the entire point of this advice. WHO cares what they feel when they walk off - NOT you. YOU are there for you, your son, your family - and walk away. They were nobody to you before their name came up the other day--------don't allow them to make space TODAY. </p><p> </p><p>If they approach you in a CIVIL manner and ask you to coffee to discuss a relationship.....Say again "I'm sorry perhaps you misunderstood me the first time. TODAY I am here with my family. You can contact me next week by letter and if I'm interested I'll let you know. Have a nice day." and walk away...</p><p> </p><p>Hope this helps - IT SHOULD BE ON YOUR TERMS - NOT THEIRS.........</p><p> </p><p>THIS IS YOUR SONS DAY - AND YOUR DAY - AND SHOULD NOT BE SPENT BEING SNIPPY AND P & B's DADDY. HE IS A GOOD MAN. (i'm on yer side Dude) ------</p><p> </p><p>Love ya Girl </p><p>Starbie</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 378343, member: 4964"] Trinity - I didn't read anyone elses response - but MY thought? And I'm basing this on my thought of if someone called me yesterday and said "I found your birth parents and they want to meet you, I know you aren't ready BUT...they'll be at Dude's soccer game, and you are required to go." First off....This game is for my son. Secondly? ALL my concentration SHOULD be on him, not on a make-shift, forced reunion. This is sticky becaue - 1. the man is his Father too, and yes it hurts that he only seems to show up when the child does good - okay - but he IS showing up so he gets a cookie for that. Lots of Father's don't show up at all (I can name hundreds). 2. these people ARE this child's Grandparents. Those are facts. Nothing you can say or do or close your eyes hard and wish - will make them go away - Decisions you made years ago, make them so. These aren't variables. So this would be in column - DEAL WITH IT. Unpleasant as it is - nothing you can do. It's a solid. That said - What can I do about it? Well - It's a big field. I AM SURE if you interviewed an/or spent a day with each person that goes to that soccer field you would find that most of the people there you would tolerate for short periods of time and then you would figure out that you wouln't like them much. I'm not so sure why people are always so hellbent on trying to make puzzle pieces fit when they don't - but I'm not a big puzzle putter-together - I just figure if it doesn't fit? Move on. Just like your ex. He does fit. No sense in making MYSELF sick over the fact that here is a person I can NOT change - I can not stand to be around. I can NOT get along with and so YOU are trying to think of ways to get along with him for the sake of a soccer game and it AINT GONNA HAPPEN. So don't try. Same with your parents. This is a SOCCER GAME, not a psychiatrists office. You can't fix FIVE Years PLUS....in an hour...WHY TRY??? WHY Fret? WHY get all worked up and put the people that you DO enjoy spending time with and being around and love through agonizing hell - for the sake of TRYING to figure out HOW in the WORLD can I get along with those OTHER people ie: puzzle pieces that DO NOT FIT - for THEIR sake - because honestly ? YOUR fretting, worry and anxiety are FOR THEIR SAKE not yours - YOU can sit at that game and IGNORE them, not talke to them, not look at them, and pretend like they don't exist. You can - be civil..say hello, say EXCUSE ME - MY family is sitting over here.....and if pushed - say "I'm here to watch my son, enjoy my family, and my day--if there is anything else? I'm not aware of it, and this is NOT the time or the place.....excuse me." and walk off laughing and smiling. Yup - Sister that is the entire point of this advice. WHO cares what they feel when they walk off - NOT you. YOU are there for you, your son, your family - and walk away. They were nobody to you before their name came up the other day--------don't allow them to make space TODAY. If they approach you in a CIVIL manner and ask you to coffee to discuss a relationship.....Say again "I'm sorry perhaps you misunderstood me the first time. TODAY I am here with my family. You can contact me next week by letter and if I'm interested I'll let you know. Have a nice day." and walk away... Hope this helps - IT SHOULD BE ON YOUR TERMS - NOT THEIRS......... THIS IS YOUR SONS DAY - AND YOUR DAY - AND SHOULD NOT BE SPENT BEING SNIPPY AND P & B's DADDY. HE IS A GOOD MAN. (i'm on yer side Dude) ------ Love ya Girl Starbie [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
Might see my estranged parents for the 1st time in 5 years. What to do??!!
Top