Min time for an away-from-home attitude

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Jul 14, 2008.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    A friend of ours runs kayaking tours in the mtns for teenagers. He's an ENT and plastic surgeon, and spends all his freetime doing wilderness stuff. We told him about difficult child and he had heard of the camp where we sent him.
    He said it's a smart idea to send a difficult child to camp for a mo. because during a shorter time, say, a wk, they won't get the catharsis, aka independence and emotional strength they need in just a wk, and won't get rid of that "It's all your fault" thing in just a wk.
    I'm wondering if there's any connection with-the amt of time any of you send your kids to Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or other places, or if it's a completely diff issue. I'm thinking it's a combination of timing, distance, and skill bldg.
    At any rate, I'm very excited, and given the postcard that difficult child sent, it sounds like he's doing well. He is lonesome but it's not disabling.
     
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think there are too many variables to each different situation to be able to make any conclusion with this one.

    I know my difficult child was at her dad's for about 6 months before she showed her true self.
     
  3. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I think a lot depends on how long the behavior has been going on. For my daughter, I'm not convinced that 16 months was actually enough. It took her 16 years to learn all of her little tricks. The first 3 months at her Residential Treatment Center (RTC) she was on a honeymoon. The next 6 months really was a tearing down of her self. The next 7 months were a rebuilding and a relearning. I think to have been truly successful instead of just partially, she would have needed at least 24 months, if not a bit more.

    I know other kids at her Residential Treatment Center (RTC) that would have been successful in a much shorter period -- they were more of the adolescence acting out and experimenting. There were some that no amount of an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) would have truly helped. Those were the ones that desparately needed medication but either refused to take it, could not take or had parents that refused to drug their child (the most common).

    Another factor is whether the child truly wants the help and wants to change.

    I think the hardest (and least successful) are the kids who manipulate the program but don't really work to change. They talk the walk but don't do the work. They look good, get home and go right back to their old ways. They had no intention of ever changing and were good enough actors to convince people or at least their they had changed.
     
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hmm. Good food for thought.
     
  5. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think I agree that it really depends on the kid. Although it's probably safe to make a general statement that most difficult children require a little time to move from the honeymoon stage to the point where they really understand the circumstances they have created.

    Sharon
     
  6. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Terry,

    I have to say that wm really needed 36 months in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) - that is what psychiatrist was pushing for; what we were pushing for. However, the funding wasn't going to happen (he was in twice for a combined total of 22 months) & a bed opened up at one of the best therapeutic group homes in the state. We jumped on that.

    wm is still very stuck. He's pushing at all ends that I fear he'll end up back at Residential Treatment Center (RTC). "I'll only be good if I get to come home" is all I ever hear from wm. Hasn't sunk in that it doesn't work that way.
     
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    So sorry to hear that, Linda. "I'll only be good if I get to come home." Arg.
    I'm hoping that because our difficult child doesn't have Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and was adopted at birth that we have fewer problems. I'm thinking that some of this separation biz is shock value, in our case. We can only wait and see.
     
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