Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
Missing H. more than I thought a soul was capable
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Steely" data-source="post: 157477" data-attributes="member: 3301"><p>Thank you guys.</p><p>Witz that poem was amazing. I am going to print it and keep it.</p><p>BBK, the one place I want to talk to H the most is in the car. Maybe I will put a picture of her on the visor. Good idea.</p><p>Janet, I love the web photo/blog idea. I am going to do something like that, soon. I need a way to celebrate her life, continually - but at the present I can barely even look at one picture without losing it. Instead I just feel like there is a big rock on my chest, and it just keeps getting heavier. Maybe the boulder on my heart will be there until I am able to find an outlet to celebrate our memories, and keep her alive. I don't know.</p><p></p><p>Usually I am plagued by horrific nightmares - but her death seems even too much for my subconscious to handle, and I have not had but just a couple of dreams about her death. I find that interesting, actually, as it suggests the level of grief is so deep, that even in my sub-conscious, it cannot be articulated. Or maybe it is that the message has not even reached my sub-conscious because I awake every morning thinking to myself that I need to call her - only to remember she is gone. And than the next thing I think is "but there is <em>no</em> way I can live without her". And then I remember I have been, and so I can.</p><p></p><p>I talked to my parents last weekend. You know my dad has the same cancer as Sen Kennedy was just diagnosis with - and yet he has had a pretty miraculous battle, and is still tumor free after a year, which everyone said was impossible. None the less, he told me mom that he wished he would have died first. It made me very sad. </p><p></p><p>We all 3 talked for hours about H., and how we are each dealing with it - I offered to my dad some ways that I deal with it spiritually like believing she is with me all of the time, and talking to her. That was/is such a foreign concept to him (he is a scientist), but yet for the first time I think he opened his mind to the possibility of a life beyond his comprehension. </p><p></p><p>My mom is so so sad, but she is the one that has gotten stuck with all the legal stuff of H. death. I worry about her. I have offered to help with all the legal ramifications, but I think she wants this as a distraction to what is happening. Her Mom died about 9 months ago, so she has been selling her mom's house, and estate, etc., and now H.'s stuff.</p><p></p><p>Well, I guess I will stop rambling. I have to work from 3pm-10 today<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/furious.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":furious:" title="furious :furious:" data-shortname=":furious:" /></p><p>What a crummy schedule. Oh, well. I guess I will go mow the lawn in the 96 degree weather, sweat, cry - and then pull myself together to shower and go to work. It will all be OK.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Steely, post: 157477, member: 3301"] Thank you guys. Witz that poem was amazing. I am going to print it and keep it. BBK, the one place I want to talk to H the most is in the car. Maybe I will put a picture of her on the visor. Good idea. Janet, I love the web photo/blog idea. I am going to do something like that, soon. I need a way to celebrate her life, continually - but at the present I can barely even look at one picture without losing it. Instead I just feel like there is a big rock on my chest, and it just keeps getting heavier. Maybe the boulder on my heart will be there until I am able to find an outlet to celebrate our memories, and keep her alive. I don't know. Usually I am plagued by horrific nightmares - but her death seems even too much for my subconscious to handle, and I have not had but just a couple of dreams about her death. I find that interesting, actually, as it suggests the level of grief is so deep, that even in my sub-conscious, it cannot be articulated. Or maybe it is that the message has not even reached my sub-conscious because I awake every morning thinking to myself that I need to call her - only to remember she is gone. And than the next thing I think is "but there is [I]no[/I] way I can live without her". And then I remember I have been, and so I can. I talked to my parents last weekend. You know my dad has the same cancer as Sen Kennedy was just diagnosis with - and yet he has had a pretty miraculous battle, and is still tumor free after a year, which everyone said was impossible. None the less, he told me mom that he wished he would have died first. It made me very sad. We all 3 talked for hours about H., and how we are each dealing with it - I offered to my dad some ways that I deal with it spiritually like believing she is with me all of the time, and talking to her. That was/is such a foreign concept to him (he is a scientist), but yet for the first time I think he opened his mind to the possibility of a life beyond his comprehension. My mom is so so sad, but she is the one that has gotten stuck with all the legal stuff of H. death. I worry about her. I have offered to help with all the legal ramifications, but I think she wants this as a distraction to what is happening. Her Mom died about 9 months ago, so she has been selling her mom's house, and estate, etc., and now H.'s stuff. Well, I guess I will stop rambling. I have to work from 3pm-10 today:furious: What a crummy schedule. Oh, well. I guess I will go mow the lawn in the 96 degree weather, sweat, cry - and then pull myself together to shower and go to work. It will all be OK. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
Missing H. more than I thought a soul was capable
Top