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Missing my son
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<blockquote data-quote="flutterbee" data-source="post: 64643"><p>I'm sure your son wanted you to call him everyday as reassurance, but it might have been more appropriate to tell him that you want him to be able to spend time with his dad and that you'll call him twice a week. It's hard for my son to go to his dad's. He wants to see him, but he's such a homebody; he really doesn't like to be away from home for too long. I know if I call him constantly, I will be being disruptive to my son settling in with his dad. After about 2 weeks, my son starts calling me. There was a time when his father wouldn't let him call me because of the long distance charges, so I got a calling card for my son to use.</p><p></p><p>Kids, especially at that age, very much live in the moment and when your son told you he didn't like it there he was probably reacting to more of an "I'm upset right now" thing then anything else. </p><p></p><p>My son's father lives 600 miles away and I know how hard it is when we hear those words and it's soooo hard not to react. But, I've learned not to. We get ourselves all worked up and don't sleep and the child has moved on 5 minutes later. been there done that. There have been a couple of times I pushed it. For example, when easy child's dad told him that if he didn't take a bite of his sloppy joe (that easy child hates and easy child's dad is the biggest picky eater ever so he has no room to talk) then he was going to sit at the table all night. Then if he didn't eat it that night, he was going to eat it for breakfast. Then if he didn't do that, he wasn't coming home the next day (his scheduled time to return). easy child's dad made him get off the phone after easy child told me about this (his dad was listening to the conversation on another extension...sigh...big no no) and wouldn't answer the phone when I called back. So, I called the sheriff's office and they told me to bring my divorce papers and visitation agreement and to call them when I got close and they would escort me to his house to get easy child. I didn't have to actually do that, though. I called my former mother in law and told her what would be happening if I didn't hear from her son in the next 5 minutes. His dad called and gloated that easy child took a bite of the sloppy joe. I told him that he may feel like he's won, but he's lost so much more in terms of trust with his son. I told him I hoped it was worth it. Such a stupid thing over a stupid sloppy joe.</p><p></p><p>I know how hard it is to reprogram, as I call it, when they come home. It does get better as the child gets older. Although, my heart aches for my son now when he goes. His dad tries to make him be something he's not. My son wants to enjoy being with his dad, but he feels like he's on the defensive so much of the time. easy child knows where home really is.</p><p></p><p>I'm kinda rambling...sorry...tired. I had a point to all this that got lost somewhere.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="flutterbee, post: 64643"] I'm sure your son wanted you to call him everyday as reassurance, but it might have been more appropriate to tell him that you want him to be able to spend time with his dad and that you'll call him twice a week. It's hard for my son to go to his dad's. He wants to see him, but he's such a homebody; he really doesn't like to be away from home for too long. I know if I call him constantly, I will be being disruptive to my son settling in with his dad. After about 2 weeks, my son starts calling me. There was a time when his father wouldn't let him call me because of the long distance charges, so I got a calling card for my son to use. Kids, especially at that age, very much live in the moment and when your son told you he didn't like it there he was probably reacting to more of an "I'm upset right now" thing then anything else. My son's father lives 600 miles away and I know how hard it is when we hear those words and it's soooo hard not to react. But, I've learned not to. We get ourselves all worked up and don't sleep and the child has moved on 5 minutes later. been there done that. There have been a couple of times I pushed it. For example, when easy child's dad told him that if he didn't take a bite of his sloppy joe (that easy child hates and easy child's dad is the biggest picky eater ever so he has no room to talk) then he was going to sit at the table all night. Then if he didn't eat it that night, he was going to eat it for breakfast. Then if he didn't do that, he wasn't coming home the next day (his scheduled time to return). easy child's dad made him get off the phone after easy child told me about this (his dad was listening to the conversation on another extension...sigh...big no no) and wouldn't answer the phone when I called back. So, I called the sheriff's office and they told me to bring my divorce papers and visitation agreement and to call them when I got close and they would escort me to his house to get easy child. I didn't have to actually do that, though. I called my former mother in law and told her what would be happening if I didn't hear from her son in the next 5 minutes. His dad called and gloated that easy child took a bite of the sloppy joe. I told him that he may feel like he's won, but he's lost so much more in terms of trust with his son. I told him I hoped it was worth it. Such a stupid thing over a stupid sloppy joe. I know how hard it is to reprogram, as I call it, when they come home. It does get better as the child gets older. Although, my heart aches for my son now when he goes. His dad tries to make him be something he's not. My son wants to enjoy being with his dad, but he feels like he's on the defensive so much of the time. easy child knows where home really is. I'm kinda rambling...sorry...tired. I had a point to all this that got lost somewhere. [/QUOTE]
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