Mom 23...any update from Court?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by DDD, Mar 27, 2009.

  1. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I've been thinking of you all and your grandson today and hoping the Judge "got it". Let us know how it went, when you can. Hugs. DDD
     
  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Thanks D3. I've been wondering, too.

    Suz
     
  3. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    Thanks for asking DDD. As it turns out the judge did not even hear the case. Usually, the judge will hear the cases first that have children to appear. We were told that the judge was holding this case for the last one because it was going to get ugly and he wanted the courtroom cleared.

    When my husband, grandson and I arrived, we almost immediately ran into our grandsons Guardian Ad Litem. He is also an attorney. He pulled us aside and asked our grandson who he wanted to live with. Our grandson said he wanted to stay with us. It was really pitiful to watch, our grandson had a lot of anxiety going on. He kept his head down and played with the buttons on his shirt. It really is criminal what all of this does to the children. :(

    When we went into the courtroom, his CPS caseworker scooped him up, then the CASA worker came and took him outside and outside there was his mother and her entourage, his father and his common law wife, and his other grandparents. Our grandson spent almost all of his time outside with them. My husband and I stayed in the courtroom.

    Right before our case was to be called, CPS, CASA, the county attorney, the Guardian Ad Litem, the parents, and attorneys for both sides went outside. We stayed inside. It was agreed upon by all parties that our grandson stay with us until school is out. This was a permanency hearing, so there was no need to go before the judge and we did not. We will go back before the judge on 5/22.

    CASA wrote a very, very damning several page report on the father and his common law (pregnant again) wife. Needless to say they were QUITE upset! I wouldn't want to be them at all. It appears that the CASA worker is on them like a blood hound! She also had concerns regarding our difficult child, his mother, but nothing like for the dad.

    I found out after the fact that the Guardian Ad Litem misspoke while outside about us. He told everybody that we were going to hire an attorney and would fight for full custody of our grandson. We did not say that at all! I had talked to him about getting legal visitation after all of this is said and done to monitor his safety. He told me that since we were not a party to this CPS stuff, we would need to hire our own attorney.

    This is the fathers weekend for visitation. He allowed our difficult child to take her son to lunch so that she could spend some time with him. I didn't know who had our grandson and he just disappeared. Nobody even had him say goodbye to us. :( I called our difficult child on her cellphone and to ask her who had our grandson. She didn't answer and has not called me back like I asked. I suspect she is quite angry because she thinks we are planning to fight for custody.

    I just found out from my youngest daughter (a great communicator) that this morning while we were getting ready to go this morning, that she went into our grandsons bedroom and saw that he was throwing his tennis shoe's around his room and that he had ripped all the pictures off of his bedroom wall. I had taped pictures of his mother, father, little sister, me, his grandpa and of him, down low for him to look at. He loved looking at those pictures.:( I wish I had known at the time. I would have helped him the best I could, poor little guy.

    Last, but not least, his father is still one month behind on child support. He has tried telling everyone that I am mistaken and he is paid up. I keep excellent records and I shared this with everyone that needed to know. I also told them to tell the father that if he could produce my signature on a cancelled certified check for each month he was responsible for paying us child support, I would publicly recant my claim. Today in court, the father came to me and said he had a receipt for the certified check, but the bank couldn't find a signed by me cancelled check, so did I want him to go to the bank right now and bring back a certified check or would it be okay to just mail it? I told him that I would just wait in the courtroom for him to bring it back. He's played the "in the mail" trick on me before. He left "to go get a certified check", my husband and I waited, in fact we were THE LAST humans out of the courtroom, and guess what? The sleazeball never returned. Why go to the trouble of all that lying? If you're not going to pay, then just don't pay. I have zero respect for this guy.

    And there was one more important part of this puzzle. Last night I learned that our difficult child that is engaged to be married, remember in June to her soldier fiance in Iraq, CHEATED ON HIM! The guy's mother is staying with our difficult child in the duplex that the fiance is paying for! She knows too! Talk about awkward! OMG! I don't think she'll ever learn.
     
  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Poor little guy. Glad he can stay with you till school's out.
     
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Good Grief, it breaks my heart. At least you didn't dress him up in his little suit! :(

    I have a hard time being objective in cases like this because we have traveled too many miles on the co-parenting road. I am glad that you have more time with him before the next change.

    Two thoughts come to mind. Could your "communicator" daughter share that the GAL misspoke and said "would be hiring an attorney" instead of the more accurate "could hire an attorney"?? Perhaps knowing that you "could" but haven't would ease the tension with your daughter. Secondly, is it possible that your daughter, like ours, actually doesn't want to be a daily parent but
    wants to be "seen" as a Mom?? We were able to keep easy child/difficult child with us because GFGmom could tell people that due to her job she would have to use sitters etc. for "her son" so she was "letting" us keep him so he would be stable. In truth she only came to visit or to take him for the night when he suited her (no boyfriend around or whatever) and yet she saved face.

    I'll keep you guys in my thoughts and prayers. DDD
     
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Good Grief, it breaks my heart. At least you didn't dress him up in his little suit! :(

    I have a hard time being objective in cases like this because we have traveled too many miles on the co-parenting road. I am glad that you have more time with him before the next change.

    Two thoughts come to mind. Could your "communicator" daughter share that the GAL misspoke and said "would be hiring an attorney" instead of the more accurate "could hire an attorney"?? Perhaps knowing that you "could" but haven't would ease the tension with your daughter. Secondly, is it possible that your daughter, like ours, actually doesn't want to be a daily parent but wants to be "seen" as a Mom?? We were able to keep easy child/difficult child with us because GFGmom could tell people that due to her job she would have to use sitters etc. for "her son" so she was "letting" us keep him so he would be stable. In truth she only came to visit or to take him for the night when he suited her (no boyfriend around or whatever) and yet she saved face.

    I'll keep you guys in my thoughts and prayers. DDD
     
  7. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    Oh, your poor grandson to have to deal with so much at such a young age. I am so glad you will at least have him for a few more months. I just cannot imagine the insecurity he must feel and he is too young to understand why he can't just stay with the people who know how to take care of him. Kudos to you for all you do for him.
    Hugs,
    Jane
     
  8. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I have no advice. I'm just so relieved that he gets to stay with you for now at least. Poor little guy- he must be so scared.

    Suz
     
  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    This is so unfair to the children. Breaks my heart. :(

    I'm also very releaved and glad he gets to stay until school is out. Any chance things may change and you get to keep him permanent........

    Poor lil guy. He shouldn't have to go thru all this.

    (((hugs)))
     
  10. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I HAVE NO WORDS. i AM SO VERY SAD OVER YOUR GRANDSON'S DISTRESS. I have seen so much as a foster parent and know that the system is so hurtful to the children it tries to protect. Alot of that comes from the main purpose of reunification of the family. By the time it is determined by protocol that it isn't a good thing the child is so very hurt. My heart breaks for you and your grandson. -RM
     
  11. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I am so glad you are there for your grandson and willing to step up to the plate because his parents can't/won't do it. As someone raised by her grandparents, you are doing the right thing. And you will be rewarded in so many ways!!!
     
  12. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    mom to 3, I am sorry you have to go thru all this, dragging your grandson to court every few months must be the worst..... I commend you for stepping up to provide your gson with a stable home...... he must live in fear of having that ripped away from him at any time...... not a life I would wish for anyone, especially a child......
     
  13. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    Actually, I haven't taken my grandson to court previously. The CASA worker was the one that wanted him there. Like I said earlier, I do have some "issue" with her. This is one of them. I will not take my grandson to court again, especially on her word. It wasn't necessary, only served some people's sense of importance and made my grandson very anxious.

    My grandson is home now from his visitation. I'm much relieved!
     
  14. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    What an awful situation for your grandson! I'm sorry to hear that you are all having to go through this. I hope that it will turn out well for him.
     
  15. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    M23 and Grandpa 2 1 -

    I really held my breath because our court systems don't always seem to do what is right for the children. I can't imagine WHAT good could possibly have come from taking your grandson outside the courtroom to see his Mom, his Dad his dads girlfriend with their child(ren) and the grandparents who have forked tongue. WHAT did they possibly do? Set the poor kid there and let everyone fawn over him with their best words and well wishes in front of courtroom personnel? BARF. Really -

    Consequently - no one said anything about not having him in a suit? WOW - lol.

    Whatever else went on - I'm very glad to know that he's safe and back home.....and maybe you can spend time taping the pictures back together?
     
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