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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 128771" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p>Beth, I totally know what you mean. The other day when difficult child HAD to go to her 3rd day of work completely a mess emotionally and I told her to "$uck it up", I was dying inside because I know how difficult it is for her to get it together - just because I said so or because if she doesn't she will lose this job too. Her emotional state, along with a slew of other difficult child symptoms are the reasons she can't seem to hold her jobs for very long. </p><p> </p><p>And then I feel guilty for telling her to "$uck it up" because, as you said, if she were in a wheelchair would I not help her in and out of the car? Would I not hold the door for her? Would I not help her shower if she needed me to? Those are just random examples - my difficult child doesn't need help to that extent - but you know what I mean.</p><p> </p><p>I also know that feeling of "the calm before the storm"...when difficult child seems to be 'level' and fine, simply reasonable. It's disarming for H and me when she's reasonable...we're not quite sure how to respond at times. More and more I am trying not to react before I have something to react to...but I see that H often jumps the gun by being terse with difficult child before she pulls anything - which only sets her off. Can't say I haven't done that myself.</p><p> </p><p>I recall feeling relaxed at times when she was obviously getting sick with a bad cold or flu or something because then I knew she'd be all mellow for a few days. Not anymore. Now when she's sick, she just keeps on going until she REALLY gets sick, so it's a new worry.</p><p> </p><p>I'm kind of rambling - I liked your philosophical post. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I agree that our kids are often worse off and mistreated than would be a person with an obvious physical disability. I've always said that to the educators when I was advocating for difficult child at school. They always gave me the deer caught in the headlights look...duh.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 128771, member: 2211"] Beth, I totally know what you mean. The other day when difficult child HAD to go to her 3rd day of work completely a mess emotionally and I told her to "$uck it up", I was dying inside because I know how difficult it is for her to get it together - just because I said so or because if she doesn't she will lose this job too. Her emotional state, along with a slew of other difficult child symptoms are the reasons she can't seem to hold her jobs for very long. And then I feel guilty for telling her to "$uck it up" because, as you said, if she were in a wheelchair would I not help her in and out of the car? Would I not hold the door for her? Would I not help her shower if she needed me to? Those are just random examples - my difficult child doesn't need help to that extent - but you know what I mean. I also know that feeling of "the calm before the storm"...when difficult child seems to be 'level' and fine, simply reasonable. It's disarming for H and me when she's reasonable...we're not quite sure how to respond at times. More and more I am trying not to react before I have something to react to...but I see that H often jumps the gun by being terse with difficult child before she pulls anything - which only sets her off. Can't say I haven't done that myself. I recall feeling relaxed at times when she was obviously getting sick with a bad cold or flu or something because then I knew she'd be all mellow for a few days. Not anymore. Now when she's sick, she just keeps on going until she REALLY gets sick, so it's a new worry. I'm kind of rambling - I liked your philosophical post. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I agree that our kids are often worse off and mistreated than would be a person with an obvious physical disability. I've always said that to the educators when I was advocating for difficult child at school. They always gave me the deer caught in the headlights look...duh. [/QUOTE]
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