Mostly Good Days

[ML]

Manster is doing ok, considering. I am careful to keep expectations reasonable. He brought home mostly C's on his report card and I praised him for doing his best. I recongize how difficult it is for him just getting through the long days and meeting everyone's expectations of him.

We are finally doing the complete taper off Celexa as he was hanging on to about 5-7 mgs for some time now. I am once again noticing some symptoms of emotional lability and increase in anxiety. He refuses to walk around the right side of the school building where the 4-6 graders walk. I mean he will do it if he has to but will usually walk all around the other side where the younger kids go to get to his classroom. He swears no one is hassling him. He just got something in his head. The bad thing is he is usually 1-2 minutes late and they mark him as tardy and I just got a letter from the principal re their concern (and absences which I didn't think were that bad). It's always something you don't expect lol. Might as well stop worrying about what I *do* know.

One bad night was Friday at the schoo'ls annual rund raiser, the "sock hop". Manster got it in his head that we were giving his friend R more attention than we gave him (which to him translates as we love her more which is crazy). It ruined his evening. He sulked till we said we might as well leave and he was mad in the car, crying about being the victim of unfairness. I'm not sure what to do with that.

Despite what I said about the worry, I am still guilty of it. I'm working on letting it go for short periods but it's hard.

Thanks so much for just being here and having this place for me to vent.

ML

 

[susiestar]

Glad things are somewhat manageable with changed expectations. I hope you can get the medication situation figured out. It can be helpful to do a total medication wash, but it sure is stressful. What does his IEP say about extra time to get to class? Is it something you want to have added in, even just for a short time? It will not stop automated letters sent fromt he school (ours sends them out from the board of ed bldg with the principals' names on them - school never knows, so they come anyway, in spite of IEP;s)but it will keep them from trying to hold him back due to absenteeism or tardies, and keep the truant officer away from your door. Which can be helpful.

As for the "unfairness" he may just have to work that out for himself in his own time. If it is an idea he just doesn't budge from, then medications may help, or may not. I heard the "unfair" and "you love X more than me" with X being anyone from the cat(s), siblings, neighbors, books, tv, teddy bear, well you get the drift. Maybe it is something to talk to his therapist about?

 

[ML]

Susie, Any insight with the "you love me more than x" stuff? This is recurring and you're right, it can even be the cat. What does this come from? Any thoughts on how to help him with this? Can medications help? Thanks!!

 

[Andy]

I am glad Manster is having mostly good days.

Is he going to the same school he went to last year? If so, is this the first year of going on the side of the building with 4 - 6 graders? Just wondering if this is more of a not facing a new route than a something is intimidating about that route? Is he just choosing the route/areas he is most comfortable with?

I don't get the "You love X more than me" whine but my kids hate it when I invite other kids to do anything with us. Or if I help other kids. During babysitting training, the kids were suppose to bring bag lunches. I do not do cold lunches so planned to go get a fast food meal for difficult child when I noticed a girl who did not bring a lunch either. I know her from church so asked her if she wanted me to bring her something. difficult child was o.k. with that but when I went to see if another kid we knew needed a lunch, difficult child said, "No, mom!" He did not want me to help this 2nd person. (If he did not bring a lunch, I would have brought him lunch also).

I have no answers either but will stand by you while we wait for the directions out of this one.

 

[ML]

I think it is the transition Andy, you're so smart. This is the same school but the first year this is *his* side of the building. From k-3 he went to the left; now he has to go to the right. It's the little things! Standby for emerging changes. I'm trying to stay positive and not make a big deal out of this stuff. I called the principal and he said I can always call if I suspect he's not going straight to the classroom and they will "excuse" the tardy.

 

[susiestar]

A lot of what I did was keep encouraging Wiz to "roll with it" to handle the changes. To be patient and see what happened. It was worst in 5th grade. That was the year he was in a pull-out program rather than the reg classroom. We were totally BLESSED with a teacher and 2 aides for 3-5 kids. The one aide is one of the smartest people i have ever met and she worked with Wiz on HIS level (near college level for most things that year) and the worked on being part of the group.

We DID find that an SSRI at a fairly high level really reallly helped with the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) tendencies. He would fixate on me not loving him as much as whomever (and yes, it was once the idiot cat!). The SSRI helped him get "unstuck" which was a good thing. It also helped us mediate his overwhelming obsessions.

We did have a really bad reaction to zoloft - after about 4 months he got really really aggressive. That is when he went into the psychiatric hospital for the 4 motnhs. Taking him off SSRIs was a disaster - he was very very suicidal (and smart enought o figure out HOW in a lockdown facility!) and his thinking was totally stuck. Mood stabilizers did absolutely nothing, but geodon helped with the aggression and luvox (which is very close chemically to prozac, and prozac is the only SSRI that I can tolerate - I find this interesting) helped with the "love them more" and other stuck and idiot thinking.

Yes, I always called it idiot thinking. I used to tell Wiz that only an "idjit" would think I could love ANYONE more than I loved him. The plain talk seemed to get through, but it did take quite a while and a lot of other people helping.

I am sorry you are going through all this. Just letting what isn't truly important slide (picking your battles, or putting things in Basket A or ignoring them) really really helps.

Heck, with thank you right now, as long as he sleeps, I don't care where. He often migrates out to the couch in the night. He is not watching tv or playing, he just wants to go and get husband and snuggle. husband never realizes he has gotten up and moved, so we don't worry about it much.

I also don't worry overmuch about what thank you eats. he tends to skip dinner, but has a snack after school that is a substitute. He will join us and be pleasant, but just can't eat then.

So work with the shcool, let the tardies slide unless they cause a big problem, and focus on what you can do. And right now it may be just reassuring him that discipline does not mean you don't love him. Wiz used to get it into his head that we gave him consequences because I hated him.. Not sure how or why, but it was there. You may have some of the same going on.

anyway, give him time for hte celexa to get out of his body. Even though the dose was low, it really could be causing withdrawal symptoms. Docs and pharmacists tend to say it doesn't happen, but it does.

Hugs to all!

 

[Star*]

ML,

Sometimes I dont' know whether to chime in and say "You know Dude was just like that." for fear of scaring the hair off of someone. But...he was a lot like manster in the fact that he didn't like or accept change very readily. In looking over the entire picture admittedly? Neither do I.

I don't know how I missed this post - but wanted a chance to say


WAY TO GO MANSTER - !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ROCK DUDE!!!!! ALL C's - WOOOO HOOOOOO KEEP UP THE GOOD....AWESOME WORK.

PROUD OF YOU KIDDO -

Hugs
Your Auntie Star
-yup that Star -she's really out there - somewhere

 

[ML]

Thanks so much Auntie Star. xo

 

[TerryJ2]

Sounds like things are moving along. It's not fun, tapering off a medication, but sometimes it's got to be done. You are being cautious and observant and that's important.
It's nice that you were understanding about his C's.
Is he on grade level?
So sorry about his being late, walking around the bldg and using up the extra time. Sounds like he's stuck in that mode for a while and you just have to live through it.
On occasion, our son will mention that we love easy child more, and I try to be supportive, but often end up being sarcastic, saying things like, "You're absolutely right. I love her more and you can tell, because she had to do all the laundry today, and I took you out to McDonald's."
He'll say, "Mom, that's not what I meant!"
And I'll respond, "Well, it's not true. We love you both and you are two diff people, diff sex, diff age, diff ages, so we are going to respond to your differently. I am sorry if you feel that way."
I try not to dwell on it too much.
All kids are going to feel that way at some point.

 

[Jena]

hi,

I can't believe i missed this. I'm a bit dillussional as of late!!

I'm glad to hear that Manster is doing well also. I'm glad to hear how positive you stayed about the c's.

Tapering off a medication can be so difficult, it sounds like you are doing a great job and observing all the behaviors which is so important to monitor i'm learning myself.

I agree with the right side of the bldg. as opposed to the left. It doesnt' take much with our kids, their so sensitive. I look at it often as though they do not have a filtering system as other children do. Everything comes right in, and they are faced with it immediately without having time to contemplate (the filtering time;process). So, maybe the right side as opposed to left will be a learning and growing experience. It sounds as if it very well might be.

I share a similar issue with my little difficult child. school bldg. entrance ways and all. We are still going through the front door, she can't make it along the side of bldg with me and into appropriate door that other kids use. yet everything takes time.

I think as far as the "you love x,y, z more than me, etc. thing I go thru this with my difficult child. I will often notice it increase more at certain times than others. When she is feeling vulnerable, and/or needy, when there is a transition or a certain "struggle" we are looking to overcome "sort of like the right side of bldg. as opposed to the left", these statements with her occur alot more.

it's almost as if her guard is down, we are actively working on something together, because each small step for them is a huge success and their neediness heightens because "us" their security blankets get pulled closer. Did that make any sense?? Sorry i'm thinking and writing and rambling.

Anyway just wanted to jump in and offer my "two cents"..of thoughts. sounds like your doing a great job, I wish for continued success and i hope walk around the bldg gets easier.