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Mother of an 8 year old out of control Aspergers child!
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 434889" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I'm asking difficult child 3 for his opinion on this. "Out of the mouths of babes" sort of thing.</p><p></p><p>"First of all I would need to be following my own advice. As for the actual solution, I guess a reward system like we had, for getting off without arguing."</p><p></p><p>What we had - we would reward difficult child 3 for not having rages, by letting him have half an hour game WITH ME. Usually we played something simple like Mario Party, and he had to teach me how to do it. The reward thus was non-material and involved time we spent together with him doing what he liked - computer game. But having someone to play with was something he loved. You can set the character controls so you can be at "EASY" mode while you set his to match his ability. But there is also a strong chance component, so you do get to have fun.</p><p></p><p>You would need to sit down with him and discuss the problem. We found a therapist helpful in this. We explain that while gaming is fun, there are other thnigs in life that must happen. At the very least, sleep and food. And school. Then there are other things - getting dressed, donig chores etc. HE can't argue sleep, because it is a matter of scientific record that we need sleep in order to survive. He also will find that getting enough sleep improves his game skill.</p><p>Go all out, sell it to him. Explain that even looked at from a very selfish point of view, only from his game-playing point of view, he will find that getting to bed a an appropriate time will benefit him. He also needs to learn strategy, I suspect, to improve his gaming. And his life needs strategy too. For example, if playing a role-playing adventure, you get led on to the next phase and the next. Adventures never finish, they just proceed to the next level. And tis is deliberate; they entice you on. He needs to identify which games he is playing and when there is a chance of needing to stop, he needs to choose games where he CAN stop any time and know that when he returns, he can pick up where he left off. </p><p></p><p>For example, difficult child 3 got up this morning and began playing a game. But he had only half an hour before he should have stopped to begin his schoolwork. He NEVER stops in time, it is an ongoing problem. Anyway - I keep telling him, do not start a quest in anything when you have only ten minutes before school hours start. He is doing better with this, but it still needs work.</p><p></p><p>In the evenings - suggesting he play a different game, maybe enlisting his aid to make a list of games he could play at certain times of the day that he can stop if he needs to, for a few minutes to take the garbage out or go eat his dinner or have his bath - that can help. But involve him in the discussion, he needs to know why it is a problem for you and it needs to be his problem too.</p><p></p><p>Also explaining how him getting upset is only making you upset and more inclined to take the advice of people who say, "Stop him gaming!" which of course he will not want you to do. In order to be allowed to continue to have fairly free access to games, he needs to begin to show responsibility.</p><p></p><p>The games themselves will heighten their adrenalin and this can lead to an agitated "Not now! Leave me alone!" response when you remind them of a need to take a break. You need to ignore the impulsive responses and work towards helping him disengage. But he needs to own the need to disengage, at least discussed at times when he is able to talk about it with you.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 434889, member: 1991"] I'm asking difficult child 3 for his opinion on this. "Out of the mouths of babes" sort of thing. "First of all I would need to be following my own advice. As for the actual solution, I guess a reward system like we had, for getting off without arguing." What we had - we would reward difficult child 3 for not having rages, by letting him have half an hour game WITH ME. Usually we played something simple like Mario Party, and he had to teach me how to do it. The reward thus was non-material and involved time we spent together with him doing what he liked - computer game. But having someone to play with was something he loved. You can set the character controls so you can be at "EASY" mode while you set his to match his ability. But there is also a strong chance component, so you do get to have fun. You would need to sit down with him and discuss the problem. We found a therapist helpful in this. We explain that while gaming is fun, there are other thnigs in life that must happen. At the very least, sleep and food. And school. Then there are other things - getting dressed, donig chores etc. HE can't argue sleep, because it is a matter of scientific record that we need sleep in order to survive. He also will find that getting enough sleep improves his game skill. Go all out, sell it to him. Explain that even looked at from a very selfish point of view, only from his game-playing point of view, he will find that getting to bed a an appropriate time will benefit him. He also needs to learn strategy, I suspect, to improve his gaming. And his life needs strategy too. For example, if playing a role-playing adventure, you get led on to the next phase and the next. Adventures never finish, they just proceed to the next level. And tis is deliberate; they entice you on. He needs to identify which games he is playing and when there is a chance of needing to stop, he needs to choose games where he CAN stop any time and know that when he returns, he can pick up where he left off. For example, difficult child 3 got up this morning and began playing a game. But he had only half an hour before he should have stopped to begin his schoolwork. He NEVER stops in time, it is an ongoing problem. Anyway - I keep telling him, do not start a quest in anything when you have only ten minutes before school hours start. He is doing better with this, but it still needs work. In the evenings - suggesting he play a different game, maybe enlisting his aid to make a list of games he could play at certain times of the day that he can stop if he needs to, for a few minutes to take the garbage out or go eat his dinner or have his bath - that can help. But involve him in the discussion, he needs to know why it is a problem for you and it needs to be his problem too. Also explaining how him getting upset is only making you upset and more inclined to take the advice of people who say, "Stop him gaming!" which of course he will not want you to do. In order to be allowed to continue to have fairly free access to games, he needs to begin to show responsibility. The games themselves will heighten their adrenalin and this can lead to an agitated "Not now! Leave me alone!" response when you remind them of a need to take a break. You need to ignore the impulsive responses and work towards helping him disengage. But he needs to own the need to disengage, at least discussed at times when he is able to talk about it with you. Marg [/QUOTE]
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