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motion denied, doing custody evaluation, was: aaand another court motion!
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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 463797" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>I have been through more than my share of custody evaluations. I can say that the most important thing is to maintain a positive outlook in the face of adversity. The strength here is not about what problems she has caused but about how well you have gotten along in spite of them. Life goes on, you're all maintaining your dignity. Never <em>ever</em> show the interviewer that bio-mom has rattled you. Obviously the things that she has done <em>have </em>been stressful, but make sure that they have been in the background of your lives, not the forefront of your lives. </p><p></p><p>If you want to present evidence of all of the things that she has done that were rotten, here is how you do it and still come out smelling like a rose. Write it down, just as your attorney advised you. Explain that long ago you were told to bring these things up should there ever be an evaluation. Give it to the evaluator, and say that you would be happy to talk about those things now, or in a later meeting, but that the most important thing for you at this time is that he or she knows that the kids are being well looked after, and that your goal of the evaluation is that everyone can make the best of this opportunity to move forward. Then, if they want to talk about adversity, talk about how you overcame it. If there's something you need help with, mention it but don't whine. She'll come off looking so bad, she'll either up her game as a mom - which is a good thing - or walk away because she just can't handle it. Which, if she can't handle it is the right thing to do. </p><p></p><p>I promise you, though, that belittling her or questioning her character or motives will only make her want to fight you, not get right for the kids. Everyone deserves to prove that they have improved themselves. Maybe she has. <em>If</em> she has, she shouldn't mind jumping through some hoops set up by the court to prove it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 463797, member: 99"] I have been through more than my share of custody evaluations. I can say that the most important thing is to maintain a positive outlook in the face of adversity. The strength here is not about what problems she has caused but about how well you have gotten along in spite of them. Life goes on, you're all maintaining your dignity. Never [I]ever[/I] show the interviewer that bio-mom has rattled you. Obviously the things that she has done [I]have [/I]been stressful, but make sure that they have been in the background of your lives, not the forefront of your lives. If you want to present evidence of all of the things that she has done that were rotten, here is how you do it and still come out smelling like a rose. Write it down, just as your attorney advised you. Explain that long ago you were told to bring these things up should there ever be an evaluation. Give it to the evaluator, and say that you would be happy to talk about those things now, or in a later meeting, but that the most important thing for you at this time is that he or she knows that the kids are being well looked after, and that your goal of the evaluation is that everyone can make the best of this opportunity to move forward. Then, if they want to talk about adversity, talk about how you overcame it. If there's something you need help with, mention it but don't whine. She'll come off looking so bad, she'll either up her game as a mom - which is a good thing - or walk away because she just can't handle it. Which, if she can't handle it is the right thing to do. I promise you, though, that belittling her or questioning her character or motives will only make her want to fight you, not get right for the kids. Everyone deserves to prove that they have improved themselves. Maybe she has. [I]If[/I] she has, she shouldn't mind jumping through some hoops set up by the court to prove it. [/QUOTE]
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motion denied, doing custody evaluation, was: aaand another court motion!
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