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Mourning the normal milestones...
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 363400"><p>What a heartwarming thread. (Hugs).</p><p>Some of my "stuff" is a tad lighter...but I understand well these feelings, having similar experiences.</p><p> </p><p>RE: our difficult child daughter...there has been many many of these type of milestone losses.</p><p>I recall when I was active in my bookclub, the moms would get together and spend at least an hour of "bragging." Their kids did great in school, were dating interesting people, went to prom, got awards, were in interesting extracurrciular activities, then got great SAT scores, then got scholarships and went on to great colleges...some majoring in MEDICINE, etc. </p><p> </p><p>difficult child was graduating HS (a big positive), but only after we put her in a private school for Learning Disability (LD) kids and after a LOT of big time, over the top, near daily, heartache. </p><p> </p><p>FEW even asked about my difficult child. It was disturbing.</p><p> </p><p>by the way, I recall a neighbor of mine complaining bitterly that her daughter decided to go to the honors program at the community college. The mother was severely depressed over this. She wanted her to go to an out of state university. The daughter even said she would be ready to go away in two years. This woman didn't know me and my story. But I sure felt like telling her "You MUST be kidding me if this is your BIGGEST concern."</p><p> </p><p>One that hit me hard was kind of unusual. difficult child did NOT attend her brother's wedding. I went out of my way to help her...bought her two dresses to chose from, the shoes she wanted (two pairs of them 'cause her feet are two different sizes), etc. Just did my best to help her feel comfortable and she did not attend. We are a tiny family and when the photographer took our "family photo," there was THREE OF US. Why? Cause all our relatives have passed. To make it more itneresting...difficult child sister was missing. The other family was aghast. But that was not much of an issue....it just hit me hard that our family was so tiny and that difficult child could not get herself together for such an important occassion. It hit me...felt like a major loss.</p><p> </p><p>Bean.. I know this is very very hard. You might consider avoiding FB pages of these kids. If you are friends with them, do your best to be genuinely happy for those who are doing well. Your child is not here to bring you joy, really. Congratulate your child for any good things she might be doing. And consider concentrating on your own needs, especially what brings you happiness and go for this in a major way. (hugs).</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 363400"] What a heartwarming thread. (Hugs). Some of my "stuff" is a tad lighter...but I understand well these feelings, having similar experiences. RE: our difficult child daughter...there has been many many of these type of milestone losses. I recall when I was active in my bookclub, the moms would get together and spend at least an hour of "bragging." Their kids did great in school, were dating interesting people, went to prom, got awards, were in interesting extracurrciular activities, then got great SAT scores, then got scholarships and went on to great colleges...some majoring in MEDICINE, etc. difficult child was graduating HS (a big positive), but only after we put her in a private school for Learning Disability (LD) kids and after a LOT of big time, over the top, near daily, heartache. FEW even asked about my difficult child. It was disturbing. by the way, I recall a neighbor of mine complaining bitterly that her daughter decided to go to the honors program at the community college. The mother was severely depressed over this. She wanted her to go to an out of state university. The daughter even said she would be ready to go away in two years. This woman didn't know me and my story. But I sure felt like telling her "You MUST be kidding me if this is your BIGGEST concern." One that hit me hard was kind of unusual. difficult child did NOT attend her brother's wedding. I went out of my way to help her...bought her two dresses to chose from, the shoes she wanted (two pairs of them 'cause her feet are two different sizes), etc. Just did my best to help her feel comfortable and she did not attend. We are a tiny family and when the photographer took our "family photo," there was THREE OF US. Why? Cause all our relatives have passed. To make it more itneresting...difficult child sister was missing. The other family was aghast. But that was not much of an issue....it just hit me hard that our family was so tiny and that difficult child could not get herself together for such an important occassion. It hit me...felt like a major loss. Bean.. I know this is very very hard. You might consider avoiding FB pages of these kids. If you are friends with them, do your best to be genuinely happy for those who are doing well. Your child is not here to bring you joy, really. Congratulate your child for any good things she might be doing. And consider concentrating on your own needs, especially what brings you happiness and go for this in a major way. (hugs). [/QUOTE]
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