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Mourning the normal milestones...
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<blockquote data-quote="emotionallybankrupt" data-source="post: 364091" data-attributes="member: 8226"><p>This is a very interesting thread and I'm glad I happened upon it, as I've not been on the forum much lately. This issue is very much on my mind now, as I realize that all difficult child's classmates are now moving into their senior year, with all the excitement and anticipation that goes along with it. Meanwhile, difficult child has missed all that--and so have I. It's her life, and I'm saying that to myself a lot lately. I've also realized I need to anticipate and prepare for next May, when all her classmates will be graduating and going off to college. That will be a tough one. But does she miss any of this? What of it was important to her to begin with? I don't know and definitely think it would be a slam to ask her. If she is grieving any of this, I think it would make her feel worse to bring it up.</p><p> </p><p>But yes, I think we all have to grieve the lost dreams we had for our difficult child's. I think all parents have certain dreams for their children that never come about, but the big difference is that certain "basics" tend to be assumed. I never thought it was a "dream" that she would graduate from high school, be a somewhat responsible teenager, etc. I thought it was a given, especially with her intelligence and talents, along with early high achievement. And...no parent expects in the early years to "lose" that sweet child at 12. Mine didn't move out until 16, but I see looking back that I essentially lost her at 12. That's when everything spun so far out of control, and no intervention ever brought her back. So...I had 2/3 the "normal" parenting years "in the nest." With such stark differences from the "norm," I think there's bound to be a lot of grieving, and that is the case for most of us. It's only the details that are different.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="emotionallybankrupt, post: 364091, member: 8226"] This is a very interesting thread and I'm glad I happened upon it, as I've not been on the forum much lately. This issue is very much on my mind now, as I realize that all difficult child's classmates are now moving into their senior year, with all the excitement and anticipation that goes along with it. Meanwhile, difficult child has missed all that--and so have I. It's her life, and I'm saying that to myself a lot lately. I've also realized I need to anticipate and prepare for next May, when all her classmates will be graduating and going off to college. That will be a tough one. But does she miss any of this? What of it was important to her to begin with? I don't know and definitely think it would be a slam to ask her. If she is grieving any of this, I think it would make her feel worse to bring it up. But yes, I think we all have to grieve the lost dreams we had for our difficult child's. I think all parents have certain dreams for their children that never come about, but the big difference is that certain "basics" tend to be assumed. I never thought it was a "dream" that she would graduate from high school, be a somewhat responsible teenager, etc. I thought it was a given, especially with her intelligence and talents, along with early high achievement. And...no parent expects in the early years to "lose" that sweet child at 12. Mine didn't move out until 16, but I see looking back that I essentially lost her at 12. That's when everything spun so far out of control, and no intervention ever brought her back. So...I had 2/3 the "normal" parenting years "in the nest." With such stark differences from the "norm," I think there's bound to be a lot of grieving, and that is the case for most of us. It's only the details that are different. [/QUOTE]
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