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Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Move over on the couch, Nancy. We've been played . . .
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 521186" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Kathy, I'm so glad you understand a little bit better. For me that was what helped me with a deeper sense of detachment, when I stopped blaming and judging my daughter for not acting like I thought she should. </p><p></p><p>I have attended these educational classes at the HMO where I go for a weekly support group for codependency and the therapists have often said that many substance abusers begin the process of addiction to self medicate because of mental illnesses. You likely all know that already. What is so sad for me, is that these people are really "tortured" within, their brains are not firing away like ours are, and I understand completely how remarkably challenging it is to raise them, since my own daughter inherited my own family "curse" of mental illness. Having said that, to look at my difficult child and recognize that in spite of it all, she is doing the best she can with the cards she was dealt. I know how much it hurts her and others, but when I finally realized this is it, this is the way it is, I felt not only empathy and compassion for her, but for myself and the situation.... and then detachment began to filter in along with a very real sense of acceptance. Acceptance was the key for me. And, it all began with me understanding it all better. With all their bad behavior, manipulations, lying, destructive self sabotaging bizarre behavior, being able to see them through that behavior and accept them has made a world of difference for me. Not to say I won't go around again, but something shifted inside me that doesn't keep me in that horrible place of anger, resentment, fear and judgment.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 521186, member: 13542"] Kathy, I'm so glad you understand a little bit better. For me that was what helped me with a deeper sense of detachment, when I stopped blaming and judging my daughter for not acting like I thought she should. I have attended these educational classes at the HMO where I go for a weekly support group for codependency and the therapists have often said that many substance abusers begin the process of addiction to self medicate because of mental illnesses. You likely all know that already. What is so sad for me, is that these people are really "tortured" within, their brains are not firing away like ours are, and I understand completely how remarkably challenging it is to raise them, since my own daughter inherited my own family "curse" of mental illness. Having said that, to look at my difficult child and recognize that in spite of it all, she is doing the best she can with the cards she was dealt. I know how much it hurts her and others, but when I finally realized this is it, this is the way it is, I felt not only empathy and compassion for her, but for myself and the situation.... and then detachment began to filter in along with a very real sense of acceptance. Acceptance was the key for me. And, it all began with me understanding it all better. With all their bad behavior, manipulations, lying, destructive self sabotaging bizarre behavior, being able to see them through that behavior and accept them has made a world of difference for me. Not to say I won't go around again, but something shifted inside me that doesn't keep me in that horrible place of anger, resentment, fear and judgment. [/QUOTE]
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Move over on the couch, Nancy. We've been played . . .
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