moved my mother to the nursing home yesterday

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by muttmeister, Oct 12, 2012.

  1. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    I think I posted that she broke her hip on Sept. 24th. When they did the X-rays they said the ball broke off so instead of doing a pin and all of that, they "only" had to do a half hip replacement so the recovery is much better.
    Got the tests from the esophageal cancer and it has not spread yet but she is too old (98) and fragile for surgery and chemo. We discussed driving 150 miles each day for 3 weeks to do radiation but the doctor said it would make her quality of life worse and probably extend it only a couple of weeks so we basically decided to do nothing. So far she is asymptomatic except that the ulcer is bleeding so she is becoming a little anemic. She can have blood transfusions as long as we want to do it.
    She's been in 3 different hospitals and had anesthesia and mega doses of all kinds of other stuff so the dementia is worse. It seems to be worse at night but I think that's normal.
    She is not happy where she is but I don't think there's any alternative. Three of the nurses at the home are friends of my son so I think she will get a little extra attention. She's had several visitors already and they have activities every day so I'm hoping once she settles in she'll think it's not too bad.
    I'm in the process of cleaning out her apartment so that is another stress. Her rent is paid through Oct. 31 so we don't have to be in such a big hurry.
    We could use a few prayers and good thoughts right now.
  2. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{{{Muttmeister}}}}, as you know, I've been there and am doing this with my own mom. It's a difficult decision, but it's the right decision for your mom. She will get the attention and care she needs, you can rest assured that she is in good hands and make your visits more valuable by not being completely exhausted from caring for her. In her final months, weeks, days, you can cherish the memories of mom as she was, not how she is. Sending many many hugs - you're a very special daughter.
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending caring hugs and supportive prayers. DDD
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    It takes a couple of weeks for them to settle in. Not an easy decision...
  5. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Mutt, I'm sorry, this is a big transition for both of you. Sending prayers for a peaceful, uneventful transition and gentle hugs for you and your Mom..............
  6. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    Prayers for your family and your mother. I hope she adjusts quickly.
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    (((hugs))) Mutt. It's not an easy thing to go through. Saying prayers it all goes smoothly and she transitions well.
  8. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    Positive thoughts being sent Mutt. We had to place SO's mom who was living with us as she could no longer walk and neither one of us was able to take care of her due to her weight and our own health issues. She still isn't with the program 100% after all these months and is doing her level best to get herself tossed out and back home with us again :) But they have loads of activities, movie nights, outings to the store, crafts, bingo. She has made friends and visits the other patients but its been a slow progression.

    Do visit her at different times so the staff doesn't know when you are comming (and don't forget to bring the nurses some goodies once in a while) Most of the nurses are wonderful where his mom is at but the CNA's can be a different story at times

  9. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    (((Nan))). Continuing to send prayers your way and for your dear mother.
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sending good thoughts. Like the others, been there done that. Its not easy nor fun. What she is going through at night is called Sundowning. It is hard to watch. That is when we had the hardest time with my mom when she was still at home. We would find her escaping the house with her purse filled with silverware and attempting to go home. Wherever that was.
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    98? Wow, congratulations!
    That is a tough decision but you definitely made the right call. You cannot be there 24/7 but someone definitely does, for your mom's safety.

    Is there anything they can give her at night to both cut back on the dementia and help promote sleep? I am so glad that her surgery is healing well.
    We gave my dad some transfusions but at the end, when he got violent, we focused on keeping him more sedated, because he was hurting others. So far, you mom seems relatively calm, if unhappy. I understand that she doesn't want to be there, and I would suggest that you merely sympathize and agree with-her and tell her that they will help her heal and be comfortable. No need to talk about anything else.

    She may need an IV with-potassium, salt, sugar, etc. to keep her electrolytes up, because not enough fluid intake is a common problem with-the elderly and is the fastest way to temporary dementia.
    Kidney and bladder infections, (UTIs) can cause dementia, too, so she will probably be on and off antibiotics for the rest of her life.

    Many hugs for both of you.